At the edge of August I feel a rustle-PeckShield, that sleepless night-time watchman, has tapped my shoulder.
“Fifty million candles snuffed, old boy,” he whispers; “and the Turks’ BtcTurk lanterns guttered out in chorus.”
Forty-nine million, to be precise, rounded up with the generosity reserved only for tragedy and clickbait.
The ledger quivers: 38.6 million ETH flee the cradle like hasty children skipping school, AVAX joins the riot for 4.3 million,
ARBITRUM and OPTIMISM, those squabbling suburban step-siblings, steal away with 1.9 and 1.2 respectively.
Even the numbers-cool accountants though they are-wear masks of astonishment 😲.
Meanwhile MetaMask, that digital hussy, flirts with every thief who winks;
the hacker spins his plunder down a laundry chute lined with zeroes, whispering “eth, eth, eth” like a nervous prayer at confession.
BtcTurk dispatches the usual elegy:
“Withdrawals, like swallows, have migrated to warmer pastures-just for a day, perhaps a week.
Cold wallets, stoic and moustachioed grand-uncles, sit unbothered by the scandal brewing in the hotter rooms.
Your liras, gentle users, remain more solvent than our grammar; keep buying, keep selling, keep pretending Monday never dawned!”
Who needs fiction when blockchains cough up tragedies faster than poets can rhyme them? 🪙
Chainalysis assures us 2025 will topple 2024’s body-count-congratulations, gentlemen, we are ahead of schedule on our way to the abyss.
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2025-08-16 01:42