Month: April 2025

Just when we all thought Bitcoin was strutting around like the king of the jungle, it skidded right off the path and dropped nearly 12% by March! 😱 That’s like finding out your favorite candy is now made of broccoli! It ended the month at around $93,500, which sounds grand, but is it? When you compare it to its grand peak of over $109,000 on inauguration day—talk about a slap! 👋 March felt more like a bad dream, and everyone’s been waking up in a panic!

Riskier assets, those poor souls, have taken a beating akin to a hapless character in a Gogolian farce. Bitcoin now finds itself down 11% for the week, while Ethereum (ETH), the once-proud companion, has led the altcoin brigade into a veritable abyss with losses exceeding 25%. Oh, the humanity!

Atkins, who’s been nominated to serve until June 5, 2026, could shape the SEC’s future. Will he be a champion of transparency or just another suit in a sea of bureaucracy? Only time—and the Senate’s ability to stay awake—will tell. 🎭

Strategy (a name that currently seems about as accurate as calling the Librarian of Unseen University “just another monkey”) has reported what accountants like to call “a bit of a whoopsie” – specifically, a $5.91 billion unrealized loss. Though, as any wizard worth their pointy hat would tell you, it’s only a loss if you’re counting in boring old traditional money. 🧙‍♂️