🤯 Bitcoin’s Drama: Will the Fed Save Us?

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Hark! Attend, gentle sirs and madams, to a tale of fortunes won and lost, of digital trinkets and the folly of man! This Bitcoin, this phantom coin, doth presently tarry about the eleven thousand, eight hundred crowns – a sum, I assure you, quite capable of procuring a modest estate… or a rather lavish collection of wigs. But tremble, for the meeting of the Federal Monetary Council looms, a gathering of grave importance, though their deliberations are oft as predictable as a courtier’s flattery.

’Tis a melancholic scene amongst the lesser coins, a veritable rout! SUI, HBAR, AVAX, ENA, TAO, and ICP – names that trip off the tongue like curses – all lament grievous losses. Truly, a spectacle to gladden the heart of a cynical observer! 🤔

Of Bitcoin’s Nervous Anticipation

Know ye that this Bitcoin, but a week past, did briefly soar – a fleeting ambition! – only to be dashed upon the rocks of a rather large sale by Galaxy Digital, who were offloading eighty thousand of these digital baubles for another’s pleasure. A most uncouth display, I say! It did rally somewhat, regaining some composure, but now once more falters, like a dancer with two left feet. It aims for the heights, but the bears – those relentless pessimists – pounce upon it with gleeful abandon.

And so it dips and rises, a capricious maiden’s affections. One doth expect further turmoil this day, as the aforementioned Council delivers its pronouncements regarding interest rates. Though, frankly, one suspects their pronouncements are as useful as a lute to a blacksmith. 🙄

Still, its total worth approaches two trillion, three hundred fifty thousand crowns, and its influence over these lesser coins swells to nigh sixty percent. A domineering presence, to be sure, yet one built upon… air!

The Altcoins’ Lamentable Retreat

Alas, most of these hopeful imitations of Bitcoin are now in full retreat! Ethereum, that pretender to the throne, is rebuffed at three thousand, nine hundred crowns, and teeters on the brink of falling further. XRP slinks downward, BNB, SOL, DOGE, ADA, HYPE, XLM, and LINK share in this ignominious descent.

But hark! The plight of SUI, HBAR, and AVAX is particularly pitiable, each diminished by more than five percent. And ENA, TAO, and ICP echo their sorrows. Oh, the indignity!

Yet, none suffer so grievously as BONK! This… *curiosity*… has lost thirteen percent of its value in but a single day! Followed by TIA and SPX who also complain of hardship. A most lamentable spectacle! The total worth of these digital dreams has shrunk by sixty billion crowns overnight.

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2025-07-30 11:42