🚨Turkeys Held My Passport Over Crypto Code-And ETH Mooned Anyway! 😱 Read My 24-Hour Nightmare

🙄 So, apparently you can’t even land in Izmir these days without being accused of bringing down the entire Ethereum network with a lone GitHub repo.

Anyway, there I am, all smug with my carry-on (containing precisely one laptop, two protein bars and a small mountain of anxiety) when-boom-Turkish passport control swoops in like I’m Jason Bourne with a hoodie. Officer No-Smile informs me I’m persona-non-grata because “the Minister says so.” Couldn’t even get a kebab first. #Rude

Cut to a broom-cupboard interrogation room where the décor is early-noughties anxiety-chic. A very efficient gentleman informs my lawyer (after keeping me on hold longer than Vodafone customer service) that-get this-I “helped people misuse Ethereum.” Right. Basically accused of teaching grannies in Balıkesir how to launder their bingo winnings through Tornado Cash. I mean, the paper I co-wrote only theoretically deanonymised mixers to prove a point; it wasn’t a DIY kit titled Crooks R Us. 🤷‍♂️

Half an hour in, the phone-confiscation threat appears: “Device considered a national security risk, ma’am.” (I’m a sir, thanks.) Suddenly my WhatsApp is trending faster than a cat video, as friends from the UAE, UK, US, EU, Argentina and-god bless the Catholics-the Vatican all start ringing Grand Viziers, assistant under-deputy ministers and probably an archangel or two. Never felt more beloved. Or terrified.

I’m in Turkey, Izmir. They are telling my lawyer that I helped people to misuse and I might have a charge. You can imagine what it means. It’s obviously wrong, we are just infra builders.
– Fede’s intern (@fede_intern)

Fast-forward a measly 24 hours, two hours of sleep (total), and 47 missed calls from Mum later-I’m ejected, blinking, onto a flight back to Europe with the emotional resilience of overcooked spaghetti. Smiling border dude (or maybe it was a hallucination) waves goodbye: “Don’t worry, happens all the time.” Yeah, definitely hallucinating.

I’m finally out, safe and free… Yesterday I landed…
– Fede’s intern (@fede_intern)

Moral of the story? If your academic side-project can both impress professors and terrify entire ministries, you’re probably doing academia wrong. Or very right. Debate for another tequila. 🍹

Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where the universe loves drama: ETH smashed through $4,100 like Kool-Aid Man through drywall. Bitmine’s hoarding its 1.2 million coins like a dragon with a Wi-Fi addiction. SharpLink’s sitting on a Scrooge-McDuck vault of 599k ETH. Social feeds: “ATH imminent, bro!” Translation: lambo memes incoming.

Istanbul is (ironically) shortlisted for DevCon 2026. Personally, I might send a hologram to avoid any more surprise sleepovers on the wrong side of passport control. BRB, checking Turkish e-visa small print for the clause “Must not accidentally invent anything that makes number go up.” 🤦‍♂️

2025-08-13 07:34

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