In what could only be described as a plot twist worthy of the Discworld’s Ankh-Morpork Stock Exchange, the universe’s most enthusiastic Bitcoin collector has temporarily misplaced his shopping trolley. 🛒
Strategy (a name that currently seems about as accurate as calling the Librarian of Unseen University “just another monkey”) has reported what accountants like to call “a bit of a whoopsie” – specifically, a $5.91 billion unrealized loss. Though, as any wizard worth their pointy hat would tell you, it’s only a loss if you’re counting in boring old traditional money. 🧙♂️
Michael Saylor, who could give Lord Vetinari lessons in unwavering conviction, has been spotted NOT buying Bitcoin for the first time since the invention of digital money. His company’s 528,185 BTC, acquired at what now looks like the financial equivalent of buying insurance from Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, is currently worth slightly less than yesterday’s fish and chips. 🐟
The timing, as perfect as a Hogswatch night disaster, coincided with Bitcoin’s dramatic descent from $87,000 to below $80,000, proving once again that even digital gold can slip on a cosmic banana peel. 🍌
“Bitcoin is most volatile because it is most useful.” 🎯
— Michael Saylor (@saylor) April 4, 2025
Saylor, displaying the kind of optimism usually reserved for someone trying to teach a troll ballet, continues to champion Bitcoin with the enthusiasm of Death collecting souls. He insists that volatility is actually a feature, not a bug – rather like saying the Ankh river’s ability to support life is proof of its purity. 💀
Meanwhile, the market watches Strategy’s next move with the same intense fascination usually reserved for watching someone try to milk a unicorn. The company’s previous Bitcoin purchases have influenced the market about as subtly as the Luggage entering a room full of criminals. 🧳
As for the $1.69 billion tax benefit, it’s about as comforting as finding out your burning house is actually quite good at keeping warm. The accountants, presumably, are drinking something stronger than tea. 🍺
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2025-04-09 08:32