🚨 behaviours like this: Michael Selig’s Cryptocurrency Carnival Rath of Grandeur

Behold! Michael Selig, self-proclaimed “Crypto Capital Architect,” strides forth with a mission brighter than a Bitcoin miner’s coffee cup. 🚀

Michael Selig, having been anointed as the 17th CFTC Chairman (though whose calendar be they following?), finds himself amidst Washington’s latest obsession: digital alchemy. His appointment, much like a steaming cup of regulatory coffee, is both inevitable and… strangely bitter.

The man with a plan-a plan so grand it makes Friedrich von Hayek roll in his grave-has declared intent to bestow upon the United States the official title of “Crypto Capital of the World.” One wonders if the Mayans saw this in their calendars or if it’s just another crypto bro’s LinkedIn post.

Selig: Regulator of Dreams and Tax Codes

Mister Selig, armed with the wisdom of his past SEC escapades (“bring us out of our compliance-induced coma,” he reportedly whispered to his pet parrot), now ambitions to make markets bloom like daffodils in spring. Or perhaps he just wants to replace monoliths of red tape with pamphlets. Either way, he’s drawn lines in the sand: rules for giants and ants alike. Fairness? Perhaps. Uniformity? Why not?

🚨𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐏𝐑𝐎-𝐂𝐑𝐘𝐏𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐆’𝐒 “𝐎𝐍𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒” 𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐎 🚀🇺🇸
Mike Selig’un (fictional count to 12,000 followers) asserts his first decree: “𝑨 𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑺𝑺𝑨𝑹𝑌 𝑰𝑵𝑺𝑷𝑰𝑹𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵…
– Diana (@InvestWithD) “Who funds this bird?”

Selig, much like the elderly crypto wizard he aspires to be, has traversed the SEC’s labyrinth of paperwork and emerged with tales of… middlemen. His current vision: a CFTC that thrives on clarity but sports the grace of a bureaucrat solving a math problem. “No crypto winter lasts forever,” he sighs, “except maybe my rap career.”

His pledge? To evoke the spirit of mavericks who believed in Bitcoin at 0.7 cents. Or as he calls it, “a new dawn for tokens and toast.” 🐐💸

Cross-Agency Unity… Because Silos Suck

Mister Selig, ever the diplomat, dares to imagine a world where the SEC, Treasury, and the guy at the ice cream shop all speak the same language. “Imagine,” he croons, “a world where regulators don’t feud like budget bankers at a black-tie gala.”

I am “confirmed” as the 16th CFTC Chairman. (Numbers be a muddle, eh?)
To President J. Trump: “Your confidence in me borders on the eccentric-I shall reciprocate by making red tape less red.”
– Mike Selig (@MichaelSelig) “Twitter: Where quips meet confusion.”

Under Acting Chair Caroline Pham’s “crypto pilot program”, tokens now dance on virtual ledgers with the flair of a TikTok influencer. Selig, ever the showman, aims to transpose that onto grander stages-perhaps a Met Gala of blockchain. “Let’s turn trading into a soirée,” he whispers, “but charge fees for the champagne.”

Moral of the Story: Rules ≠ Bureaucratic Horror

Selig’s manifesto? Simplify the incomprehensible, cull the red tape, and let compliance cool its heels. “No man should endure three PhDs to apply for a permit,” he implores. Or so he says. One imagines him penning this decree on a napkin during lunch-and then marketing it as “minimalist genius.”

The CFTC, ever the relic of complexity (think a Dostoevsky manifesto in the era of Discord), now eyes a rebrand: “Join our modernization campaign! No, don’t-just send crypto.”

2025-12-23 07:21

Selig: Regulator of Dreams and Tax Codes

Cross-Agency Unity… Because Silos Suck

Moral of the Story: Rules ≠ Bureaucratic Horror

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