Oh no, the crypto world’s got ants in its pants! 🐜 The total valuation dropped a smidgen to $3.7 trillion-a mere 0.47%. Our beloved Bitcoin moseyed along at $110,204, dipping 0.17%, while Ethereum clung to $3,859 like it had nowhere to go, sliding 0.62%.
XRP skittered to $2.50, losing 0.25%, while BNB gave us a double-take, slipping 1.30% to $1,079. Solana, the hotshot altcoin of the year, bellyflopped 0.95% to a modest $184.35.
Altcoin Adventures? Not Today!
Bitwise CIO, the wise alchemist Matt Hougan, poured one out for traders mourning the absence of a robust altcoin season in 2025. “The market structure’s gone Kaboom! Traditional finance (TradFi) now runs the show,” he declared. “TradFi’s got the wheel, folks!”
The Great Bitcoin Drop-the-Balls Before Riding to New Heights
“We might see Bitcoin take a stroll under $100,000, but it’s merely a belly flopper before it climbs Mount Everest,” Hougan proclaimed. He waved around Standard Chartered’s note (like a magician’s prop), suggesting the dip below six figures was as “inevitable” as a punchline in a Mel Brooks film. “Trust me,” he added, “by year-end, we’ll be setting new records. Institutional investors are itching to show off their shiny crypto and gold portfolios.”
Regulations Are Like a Broadway Melody: You Spot ‘Em, You Might Not Like ‘Em
Uncertainty, the butler who’s been hovering like a cloud, isn’t going away anytime soon. The Clarity Act and a possible U.S. government shutdown could turn the market into a game show. Prediction platform Polymarket bets that the Fed might cling longer than a bad soap opera plot-more than 50% chance of them extending past November 12. Could this delay be crypto’s Waterloo?
Hougan, always upbeat, assured, “The drama of the Clarity Act already has us eating crow, thinking it might not pass this year. But if Uncle Sam breaks his inertia, Ethereum and Solana are going to pop like popcorn at a Hobo Convention. And if it limps along, fear not-crypto’s stick-to-itiveness remains as solid as a brass bed.”
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2025-11-02 20:37