‘We had terrible days where we fell apart’: Sarah Parish recalls how the heartbreaking death of her baby daughter changed her relationship with The Crown star James Murray

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It absolutely broke my heart to hear Sarah Parish talk about losing her little girl. She shared how devastating it was, and how much it strained things with her husband, James Murray, after their daughter passed away at just eight months old. It’s so incredibly brave of her to speak so openly about such a deeply personal tragedy, and it really highlights the unimaginable pain they both went through.

As a lifestyle expert, I’ve learned that life can throw unimaginable challenges our way. For me, hearing the story of this actress and her husband is truly heartbreaking. Back in 2009, they experienced the devastating loss of their little girl, Ella-Jayne, who was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition called Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome and, sadly, passed away from a congenital heart defect. It’s a reminder to cherish every moment and hold loved ones close.

Ella-Jayne underwent open-heart surgery when she was only three days old. She then spent the next four months in the hospital’s intensive care unit with her parents, before sadly passing away at home.

In an interview with the Sunday Times, Sarah shared that they had moments where they were overwhelmed by grief and found it difficult to support each other.

She shared that she felt very fortunate in life. She and her husband, Jim, were doing well and enjoying themselves when they decided to move to the countryside to start a family – everything seemed perfect. They both had successful careers, leading projects in their fields. Then, unexpectedly, something went wrong, and it was shocking.

Looking back, I believe everything happens for a reason, and even the worst experiences can guide you to where you’re meant to be. If things had continued as they were with Jim, I don’t think we’d be where we are now – we’d likely be very different people, perhaps less patient and kind.

Reflecting on the loss, she explained that things would have been very different – potentially even without the need for words. It would have led to a completely altered life, but they had adapted and felt confident they could handle it. They’d even begun to embrace the idea of that new future, seeing it as a rewarding challenge. That’s why it was so devastating when it was suddenly taken away.

Sarah and James, often called Jim by Sarah, have spoken about how they dealt with the heartbreaking loss of their baby by focusing on helping other people through their grief.

After her passing, their relationship became strained as they grieved. This led them to volunteer at orphanages in Southeast Asia, and ultimately, to found their own charitable organization.

In the 2025 New Year Honours, the couple were both awarded MBEs for their work supporting children with illnesses and their families through their charity.

In an interview with The Sunday Times last year, they shared that Ella-Jayne was born five weeks early in May 2008. They immediately sensed something was seriously wrong when they saw the nurses’ expressions.

Sarah admitted: ‘We lived with the blind hope she would survive; nothing else mattered.’ 

James explained that Ella-Jayne’s unexpected death at home in January 2009 was devastating for them, leaving them feeling completely broken.

As a lifestyle expert, I often talk to couples navigating incredibly difficult times, and this one really struck me. They’ve been married since 2007, and were understandably terrified that losing their child would destroy their relationship. They shared that the statistics – around 75% of couples unfortunately separate after such a loss – were a huge source of fear for them, and they were determined to avoid becoming another statistic.

Sarah remembered that she and Jim supported each other while Ella-Jayne was still living. However, they struggled immensely after her death at home in January 2009.

Okay, so after everything happened, Sarah and I… we just had to get away. We ended up in Vietnam and Cambodia, volunteering at orphanages filled with the sweetest, but so sick, little kids. It sounds crazy, I know, but Sarah said we basically wanted to be around other people’s hurt, to somehow make our own pain feel… smaller, you know? To put things in perspective. It was… intense, but it felt like the only thing that could even touch what we were going through.

That experience led them to start a new charity in 2014 called Imagine This (previously known as Murray Parish Trust). The charity focuses on supporting the mental health of seriously ill children and their families throughout the UK.

The couple received MBEs earlier this year in recognition of their charity work. Sarah described the day King Charles presented them with the honors as “one of the best days ever,” highlighting the positive influence of their daughter, Ella-Jayne.

Receiving our MBEs this year for our charity work was an incredible honor. We were deeply proud to know that our daughter’s brief life had such a positive impact on others.

Sarah and James went on to welcome daughter Nell, now 15, ten months after Ella-Jayne’s death.

The actress shared that she enjoys writing birthday cards to her daughter, Ella-Jayne, and saving them as keepsakes for both Ella-Jayne and her partner, James.

She shared with OK! Magazine that she writes a birthday card for her daughter every year and saves them both, saying, ‘There are tough times, but also a lot of good ones, and we have so much to appreciate.’

James has spoken before about how fishing provided him with comfort during the incredibly difficult time following Ella-Jayne’s passing.

In an interview with The Times in November 2024, he explained that he’d attempted therapy and confided in friends, but neither had helped at that point.

The pain was overwhelming. Therapy and talking to friends weren’t enough to deal with something so deeply confusing. I felt like I was drowning, slowly at first, then much faster. It consumed everything and was truly awful.

I started fishing in the river, letting the rhythm of casting help me deal with things and reconnect with Ella-Jayne.

James shared that they couldn’t enjoy the happy news of Sarah being pregnant with Nell, as they were still deeply anxious after the loss of their daughter, Ella-Jayne.

He explained that the excitement of discovering they were expecting another baby was overshadowed by anxiety and apprehension. The joy simply wasn’t present due to all the worry.

Sarah’s pregnancy was a very stressful time for us, and when Nell was born prematurely, it was quite a difficult experience. But going through all of that has made us a much stronger and more capable family.

Sarah has shared that she used to live a comfortable life before her daughter passed away, and that the difficult experience ultimately helped her grow as a person.

If anything in this article has upset or concerned you, please reach out to Imagine This at imaginethis.org.uk for support.

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2026-01-12 15:36