The Radiant Sentimental Value and the Beauty of Seeing Flawed Families On-Screen

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Philip Larkin’s poem, “This Be the Verse,” is darkly humorous, famously starting with the idea that our parents inevitably impact us negatively. Larkin used stronger language to describe this impact, but the core message is clear: our parents shape who we become, and if we have siblings, those inherited traits and family patterns get passed down and mixed within the entire group. As he put it, parents give us their flaws, and even add a few unique ones of our own.

We all inherit traits from our parents, for better or worse, and their influence shapes who we become. It’s no surprise that family dynamics are a common theme in movies, just as popular as stories about romance. While many family films focus on intense drama, this season’s releases are exploring the more nuanced ways family members connect – or struggle to. We’re seeing films like a documentary about a son reflecting on his famous parents, a series of quirky and funny stories about parents and children, and a moving film about the impact of a distant parent, while also showing that healing and reconnection are possible. Perhaps, in a world often filled with negativity, these familial bonds are more vital than ever. These films portray those connections realistically, without relying on clichés or sentimentality. Families are messy, frustrating, and imperfect – yet they often provide the support we need to cope with life’s challenges.

Dealing with a parent’s belongings after they pass away often brings up memories, and sometimes a lot of unwanted items. Actor Ben Stiller experienced this when he began sorting through the New York City apartment where he and his sister, Amy, grew up after their father, Jerry Stiller, died. His parents, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara, were a famous comedy duo, and Jerry had a habit of recording everything – from sweet moments with their children to disagreements with Anne. Along with countless papers and documents, Ben and Amy discovered love letters Jerry wrote to Anne during the early days of their careers, when they were often apart. These discoveries inspired them to create the documentary Stiller & Meara: Nothing Is Lost (available on Apple TV+). The film reflects on how Jerry and Anne didn’t try to protect their children from public attention, but instead embraced it – a clip of young Ben and Amy awkwardly playing a violin duet on The Mike Douglas Show, while their parents proudly watched, perfectly illustrates their unfiltered pride.

Both Jerry and Anne had demanding careers that often kept them away from home, and they later admitted they wished they’d been around more. Stiller realizes he fell into the same pattern with his own children, feeling pressured to work hard to support his family and career, just like his father. It’s a natural part of growing up to understand your parents aren’t perfect, but that understanding develops gradually over time. In this reflection, Stiller comes to terms with the fact that his parents did their best, but also that their personalities and choices subtly shaped him and his sister in ways that are hard to pinpoint – even considering his father’s shaky violin playing.

Filmmaker Jim Jarmusch, known for his unique style, explores family relationships in his new film, Father Mother Sister Brother (released December 24th). The film features three separate stories about families who aren’t quite ordinary. One story follows twin siblings (Indya Moore and Luka Sabbat) who reunite in Paris after their parents pass away, and must sort through their belongings as part of the grieving process. Another story centers on a reserved and successful novelist (Charlotte Rampling) and her two daughters – a free-spirited Vicky Krieps and a more reserved Cate Blanchett – who gather at her Dublin home for their annual Sunday tea. Despite a formal dynamic and a distant “Mummy” label, a subtle affection and years of shared history are evident in how they interact.

The most charming of Jarmusch’s three stories focuses on siblings Adam Driver and Mayim Bialik visiting their enigmatic father. They’ve always wondered about his career and are concerned about his financial situation as he gets older. When they arrive at his rundown house, they notice it’s a bit neglected, but their father, brilliantly played by Tom Waits, welcomes them warmly.

He was genuinely pleased to see his children and thankful for the gifts they brought – a jar of spaghetti sauce and a bottle of bourbon. Their visit was a little uncomfortable; he only had tea to offer, and they playfully wondered if toasting with tea was bad luck – a running joke in the film. Eventually, the children left, relieved to escape this strange look into their father’s now solitary life. However, their father held a funny, harmless secret. Jarmusch seems to be hinting at a realization: we often assume we’re the center of our parents’ worlds, but once we grow up and move on, they have their own lives and experiences. It makes you wonder what they really do with their time.

I have to say, Joachim Trier’s Sentimental Value is absolutely stunning – it’s my favorite of the films I’ve seen recently. It opens November 7th, and it centers around Gustav, played by Stellan Skarsgard, a well-known filmmaker who returns to Oslo after a long time away. He’s hoping to reconnect with his daughters, Nora and Agnes, but the timing is complicated because their mother has just passed away. They’re all sorting through her things, deciding who gets what, and it’s a really poignant process. What’s particularly interesting is that Gustav didn’t really come back to grieve; he has a movie role in mind for Nora and is eager to get her involved. It’s a beautifully complex story about family, regret, and second chances.

Nora met him at a café, where he hesitantly explained what he wanted. She listened without showing much interest and immediately turned him down. While Agnes seems to have moved on after Gustav left her – she’s married with a child now – Nora still hasn’t forgiven him. She’s kept her pain hidden, and it’s often hurt her in the process. Only Agnes, her younger sister, truly understands how much she’s suffered.

Gustav quickly casts a new actress – Elle Fanning, who brings a quietly powerful presence to the role – and tries to get his project back on track, but he remains stuck. He’s unable to reconcile with his daughter after deeply hurting her, and he can’t even express his desire for forgiveness through his art. Agnes, steady and kind, attempts to mediate between them, but even she finds it exhausting. Nora, meanwhile, is falling apart, overwhelmed by Gustav’s return and the issues it brings up. Renate Reinsve, known for her role in The Worst Person in the World, delivers a compelling performance as Nora, portraying a once vibrant woman now struggling with quiet desperation. However, Pia Lilleaas as Agnes is the film’s hidden strength, offering a beautifully subtle and poetic performance. In a pivotal scene, she supports Nora during a crisis, gently reminding her that Nora’s childhood love and care are the source of her strength. The film highlights how siblings often step up when parents fail, finding a way to move forward together.

Director Trier declared at the Cannes Film Festival in May that “tenderness is the new punk,” a statement quickly gaining traction as a defining idea for 2025. He expressed a need for empathy and reconciliation, arguing that division, anger, and aggressive masculinity aren’t productive paths forward. His film, Sentimental Value, centers on a single family but feels like a broader message for the world. While writer Larkin previously explored how negative traits can be passed down through generations, Trier offers a more optimistic outlook. His idea of ‘tender punk’ resonates with a centuries-old sentiment from Thomas Fuller: while kindness starts within the family, it shouldn’t be limited to it.

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2025-11-07 19:12