The Gentle Man Has Taken Over Pop Culture. Will It Matter at the Ballot Box?

As a woman who has spent years observing and navigating the intricacies of gender roles in various aspects of society, I find myself deeply moved by the insights presented in this piece. The struggle for authentic masculinity and femininity, especially among the younger generations, is a topic that resonates with me on a personal level.

In the heart-wrenching romantic drama “We Live in Time,” Andrew Garfield portrays a divorced man who discovers love in an unexpected setting. After being hit by a car and hospitalized due to an unintentional slip into traffic, Garfield’s character Tobias encounters Almut (played by Florence Pugh), the woman who accidentally struck him with her vehicle. Almut is a gifted and relentlessly driven chef who takes center stage in their relationship, while Tobias serves as its compassionate core. The taste of her food evokes strong emotions in him; he worries about the future and looks after her when she falls critically ill. Upon learning that she’s pregnant, Tobias diligently records notes to make sure they are well-prepared for the birth.

This role appears tailor-made for Garfield, a 41-year-old actor who exudes tranquility and has been open about his grief following the death of his mother in 2019. The connection between him and the character has been strengthened by a widely acclaimed press tour that seamlessly merged his personality with the character’s, as he shares heartfelt, occasionally emotional reflections that resonate with the film’s themes: love, loss, and the profound impact of art on encapsulating universal human emotions. In an interview with Elmo from Sesame Street, he spoke about how missing his mom kept her memory alive. While playing with puppies in a BuzzFeed video, he pondered life’s fleeting nature. A clip from the New York Times’ Modern Love podcast went viral, where he tearfully reflected on a true-life love story. “This is why art is crucial,” he stated, “because it can take us to places we couldn’t reach any other way.

It was clear that Garfield had earned the title of internet’s favorite boyfriend during his Oct. 18 interview on Amelia Dimoldenberg’s YouTube series, Chicken Shop Date, as there was much excitement leading up to it. This was reminiscent of the buzz surrounding Adam Brody a few weeks prior, another actor who fills a similar role, starring in Netflix’s hit romantic comedy series Nobody Wants This. Brody first gained his sensitive-guy reputation two decades ago with his portrayal of the geek-chic teen Seth Cohen on The O.C. His latest character is a “hot rabbi” whose faith gives him integrity and complexity. If this fall sees an increased thirst for such leading men, Brody can also be found elsewhere in pop culture, from the Kelce brothers expressing affection on their podcast to the senior daters getting introspective on The Golden Bachelorette.

It’s not unexpected that these models of emotional intelligence are striking a chord with the predominantly female audience that enjoys romance stories; their appeal as imaginary figures, along with bad boys and men in uniform, remains constant. However, their prevalence arises at a crucial political juncture. With an election approaching where a self-assured woman and her modest male counterpart face off against a ticket that embodies toxic masculinity, voters of all genders will decide between two starkly different interpretations of manhood. As a country yet to elect a female President, we’re on the verge of discovering whether the softness many find endearing can triumph over harsh machismo when it matters most.

Discussions about masculinity often carry a lot of complexity, a phenomenon that gained prominence since the 20th century when feminists began uncovering gendered inequalities, but was amplified significantly following the #MeToo movement, which exposed numerous powerful men as sexual predators, such as Bill Cosby and Charlie Rose. Previously, the term “nice guy syndrome” had been coined to describe men who perceived themselves as kind yet expected romantic affection and sexual favor from women in return. The growing acceptance of queer, trans, and non-binary identities has further undermined traditional notions of gender roles.

So clarity is important when we talk about the gentle man as an archetype. He need not be a gentleman in the courtly sense, holding doors for his date or throwing his jacket over puddles so her shoes don’t get wet. But, as a character or celebrity marketed as a romantic hero to an audience of women who are attracted to men, he is canonically straight (although queer analogues include characters like Kit Connor’s considerate bisexual boyfriend, Nick Nelson, in Netflix’s Heartstopper). What he emphatically isn’t is a calculated nice guy, hoarding sensitivity points to cash in with women. Nor does he make a conspicuous performance of progressive masculinity, à la Ted Lasso or those dated Feminist Ryan Gosling memes. He may not think much at all about gender, as far as we can tell. (This air of naturalness doesn’t, of course, preclude gentleness from being a deliberately constructed persona. If #MeToo taught us anything, it’s how little we truly know about the objects of our parasocial adoration.)

Instead of aiming to stand out as a typical “good guy,” in a gender-specific context, this person embodies sincerity, compassion, and introspection. He openly expresses emotions but also knows how to lend an ear. While he may have undergone therapy, he avoids excessive self-indulgence about it. The allure of Brody’s character in “Nobody Wants This” lies in his curiosity towards philosophical and spiritual matters, which he enjoys discussing with his skeptical girlfriend (Kristen Bell). The senior men from “The Golden Bachelorette,” like the original Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner, are confident enough to cry on camera. Many have lost their spouses. A popular character, Charles Ling, finds that the camaraderie he builds with male companions assists him in his journey forward, long after his wife’s passing.

A gentle man, unlike some macho peers who posture as tough guys or chauvinists, has faced enough adversity to realize that life’s true treasures extend beyond being seen as heroic or strong. This is why he isn’t threatened by the presence of a powerful woman. Travis Kelce, despite his openness on the podcast he shares with brother Jason, never appears insecure about being recognized as Taylor Swift’s football-player partner. On the contrary, he expresses joy at witnessing her shine on stage. In the final scene of “We Live in Time”, Tobias (played by Garfield) cheers enthusiastically from the sidelines as his determined and ailing wife excels in a high-profile culinary competition.

It’s possible to overestimate the connection between representation and reality, the way certain archetypes are portrayed in pop culture and how those portrayals impact society. (Lean In and Beyoncé didn’t stop us from electing Trump in 2016, with the ultimate result of the Supreme Court
overturning Roe v. Wade.) But we certainly take cues from the things we watch and listen to and scroll past on our phones about how to be in the world.

In terms of this issue, research indicates that males may lack practical guidance due to a scarcity of authentic examples. A recent report by the National Research Group titled “the impact of the entertainment industry on America’s masculinity crisis” revealed an intriguing finding: none of the top 20 male role models chosen by boys aged 13 to 30 are real-life figures. Instead, they named characters such as Spider-Man, Harry Potter, and SpongeBob. Women also admire superheroes but additionally look up to female characters like Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy and Olivia Benson from Law & Order: SVU. This study cautions that as boys mature, they find themselves in a predicament between contrasting definitions of masculinity—unsure whether to reject traditional masculinity or accept the exaggerated hypermasculinity portrayed by controversial figures like Andrew Tate. This confusion can lead to underperformance, substance abuse, and even tragic outcomes like “deaths of despair.” Researchers noted a common ground among boys and young men: a desire for more narratives focusing on men who are open about their emotions.

The irony is that the male characters they crave already exist; they’re just being marketed to women. In this pivotal election year, however, no demographic can escape the war between conflicting visions of masculinity in the political arena. Donald Trump and J.D. Vance prescribe and inhabit antiquated gender roles; their side wants men in the Oval Office, women (with limited reproductive rights) at home raising kids, “childless cat ladies” ostracized. Kamala Harris’ running mate, Tim Walz, represents an alternative that closely resembles the gentle guys who’ve taken over our screens. (To be clear: we’re talking about persona. Whether any politician angling to be in line for Commander in Chief can fairly be called gentle is a separate question.) He finds men who fixate on controlling women’s bodies “weird.” Like Travis Kelce, he’s comfortable supporting a woman whose prominence eclipses his own. The Bachelorette dad who reminisces about hosting Thanksgiving for his lesbian daughter’s friends echoes the story of how Walz served as faculty adviser to a gay-straight alliance at the high school where he taught and coached football.

It’s unclear if a soft-spoken masculinity alongside a confident femininity can triumph in an election that also tests America’s views on gender. Barack Obama hinted at this when he expressed disappointment, during a rally, about men who view Trump’s bullying behavior as manly or strong. He emphasized, “That’s not what real strength is… True strength lies in helping those less fortunate and standing up for the voiceless.” If our entertainment preferences, which reflect characters and personalities we adore or eagerly await, are any guide, we understand this. However, if we forget our true desires on the path from our couch to the voting booth, history might repeat itself.

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2024-10-30 15:06