‘The Bear’ isn’t about the pressures of fine dining. It’s about the damage alcoholism inflicts

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As someone who grew up with a family member battling alcoholism, I can deeply relate to the raw and emotional portrayal of Donna’s character in “The Bear.” The chaos and fear that come with living with an alcoholic are hard to describe, but FX’s masterful storytelling brings it to life.

The doors to the Bear may be open, but the elephant is still in the kitchen.

“Beginning on Hulu on Wednesday, “The Bear,” FX’s critically acclaimed and culturally viral show, presents a richly detailed culinary journey. This captivating series, which boasts an Emmy-winning cast and the ability to sell out kitchen essentials, has left viewers eagerly anticipating its next delicious offering. Through its portrayal of Chicago’s iconic beef sandwich and the disciplined language of the kitchen, “The Bear” elevates restaurant culture to new heights. In essence, it’s a must-see for any food lover exclaiming, ‘Yes, chef!'”

An adult child of an alcoholic might not relate to “The Bear” in the same way as its portrayal of restaurants. It’s not about the joy of restoring chaos into order, like in the first season when they made Chicago’s renowned beef sandwiches. Nor is it about the intricate planning needed to create a top-tier dining establishment, as depicted in the second season.

As a seasoned food critic with decades of dining experiences under my belt, I can tell you that it’s not just about the intricate “corner,” “hands,” “Yes, chef!” ballet or the meticulous genius required to create a masterpiece out of a scallop, a sprig of fennel, and a blood-orange reduction. I’ve seen countless kitchens, watched chefs work their magic, and tasted dishes that were nothing short of extraordinary.

For an adult child of an alcoholic, “The Bear” is entirely focused on dealing with their anxiety. It’s about recognizing and experiencing that anxiety.

I’ve been there, feeling trapped between the desire to create something extraordinary and the fear of falling short. The self-doubt can be overwhelming, like a heavy fog that obscures my vision and leaves me questioning every move I make.

Raise your hand if you know what I’m talking about.

Carmy, played by Jeremy Allen White as “Carmen” in the show, can relate to my experience. Towards the end of Season 2, after unlocking the Bear’s doors, an unexpected incident left him confined in the freezer. With his plate full of responsibilities in the weeks prior to the restaurant’s official opening, Carmy was too engrossed in managing every detail and refusing assistance from Sydney, his gifted sous-chef, and his sister Sugar, who oversaw management, that he neglected to address the malfunctioning freezer door handle.

For the record:

12:32 p.m. July 8, 2024Carmy finds himself locked in a refrigerator, not a freezer.

The freezer door may be fixed now, but the damage Carmy unleashed isn’t.
(FX)

As the sun began to set and Carmy’s crew worked to ensure a successful evening, he found himself bemoaning his luck instead. Unknowingly, he confessed to the woman he adored why he couldn’t have both a romantic relationship and run a restaurant. Later, he angrily criticized Richie (Ebon Moss-Bachrach) for insinuating that Carmy was repeating his mother’s behaviors.

Due to Carmy’s mom, Donna Berzatto (portrayed by Jamie Lee Curtis), being an alcoholic, it’s no surprise that Carmy exhibits similar behaviors, even if she doesn’t drink herself.

You may find yourself fixated on minor aspects while overlooking crucial tasks. Your emotions might fluctuate dramatically between extreme self-assurance and deep self-criticism. Instead of distributing responsibilities, you choose to handle everything alone, leading to a heavy workload and unnecessary anxiety.

I feel anxious just writing about it.

“The Bear” can be interpreted as a tribute to the burdens of genius or the healing power of helping others. At the same time, it offers a striking depiction of how far-reaching the destructive effects of alcoholism and addiction can go.

In the beginning of Season 3, Carmy might have emerged from the freezer with a mix of shame and satisfaction, knowing he’d assembled a capable team that could continue in his absence. He could have then personally apologized to Richie and Claire, received an update from Sydney, and perhaps even taken a quick rest.

He had the option to look at the situation with some understanding or even a light-hearted perspective and simply let it go.

After going through a difficult and introspective period, Carmy decides to remain in place, soften the lighting a bit, and make things more comfortable by adding some extra cushions, preparing herself for an extended stay.

In the remarkable opening episode of Season 3, we meet a man who dwells deeply in his thoughts, constantly revisiting the significant moments of his past. Kick-starting this introspective journey, he runs his fingers over a noticeable scar, pondering what might be causing him distress. Seeking answers and potentially solutions, he decides to compile one of many famous lists.

Carmy’s list of nonnegotiables.
(FX)

I didn’t find anything amusing about the opening, but when Carmy began listing items, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. I recognize that list. I’ve made one myself. It’s not your typical memo to help you achieve goals or manage a hectic life. Instead, it’s the kind of list people create when they feel overwhelmed and powerless, believing that the only way to cope with their anxiety is to challenge themselves with an increasingly difficult obstacle course. If they can successfully complete it, they will prove to themselves that they are stronger than they thought.

Based on my own experiences and observations, I truly believe that Carmy is thriving beyond belief. It’s not just a matter of getting by or being “better than fine,” no, he’s doing great, genuinely. In fact, his culinary creations are not only going to make the Bear a resounding success but also earn it a coveted Michelin star within the first year.

Having “failed” his first test, Carmy is determined to quadruple the difficulty level of the next.

In his opinion, this is the path to greatness for some people, while it can lead to losing one’s sanity for others. Occasionally, individuals experience both, but more commonly, it is just one outcome.

“In ‘The Bear,’ it’s explored what consequences Carmy might face if he fails to investigate the causes of his own actions.”

As a movie critic, I’d put it this way: In the first season, it appeared that my brother Mikey, whom I deeply loved, was the main cause of my distress. He unfortunately succumbed to addiction, taking his own life, and left our struggling family restaurant in my hands.

New on the culinary scene and full of excitement, Carmy returned to Chicago from the larger world to revitalize the family Beef business. With Sydney’s support, they aimed to transform it into a top-notch restaurant, a dream Carmy shared with his brother – potentially rekindling the bond that once animated their partnership.

At first, everyone, including Richie with his tough demeanor and F-bombs, Uncle Jimmy who had been supporting Mikey financially, and even Sugar who was concerned about her brother’s disturbing confessions, were skeptical about the idea. However, Carmy eventually attended Al-Anon meetings to assist him in dealing with Mikey’s passing.

But as it turns out, the ghost of Mikey is not the problem. Or at least not the only problem.

In the heart of Season 2, Christopher Storer and Joanna Calo crafted an episode that left me on the edge of my seat and deeply moved. Around midway through, we’re introduced to Donna, Mikey’s mother, brilliantly portrayed by an unnamed actor. She’s witty, intelligent, and a culinary genius, but there’s a darker side to her – she’s an alcoholic.

Donna (Jamie Lee Curtis) in a scene from Season 2’s chaotic episode “Fishes,” in which her alcoholism is on full display.
(Chuck Hodes/FX)

As someone who has experienced caring for an alcoholic loved one during the holidays, I can relate to the chaos and turmoil it brings. It’s like inviting a tornado into our home to prepare Christmas dinner. While it whirls around, it produces magnificent dishes that would make anyone envious. However, this twister also drops emotional shrapnel in its wake – words that leave bruises, cutting remarks that sting like shards of glass and rusty barbed wire. The rest of us can only huddle and protect ourselves as best we can, hoping the storm will eventually pass.

In this spot lies the heart of the matter. A family prepared to view a Level Five catastrophe as just another turn of events, much like Christmas. Mikey’s passing didn’t shatter the family; rather, they were already fractured and kept quiet about it.

In the progression of Season 3, it becomes more evident how the various families have influenced the main characters. For instance, we catch brief glimpses into the pasts of some characters. Marcus (portrayed by Lionel Boyce) is a pastry chef who lost his mother the same night Carmy went into the freezer. At her funeral, we gain insight into the love and compassion that shaped this gentle and skilled man. Sydney makes a move to live independently, and her father expresses typical dad concerns about thin walls before purchasing a new couch for her. Meanwhile, we discover that Tina (Liza Colón-Zayas) joined the Beef’s crew following the loss of her long-term job. She is determined to help her loving but financially strained husband provide for their child.

In the series, Richie experiences the most growth among all the characters and ultimately accepts his ex-wife’s upcoming marriage, understanding that he is a capable father. Meanwhile, Sugar, preparing for motherhood herself, feels compelled to confess her deep-seated fear to Donna. Although she remains unable to identify the source of her anxiety, Sugar acknowledges that her past traumas have left a lasting impact on her.

Even Donna has a moment of grace and possible growth.

Instead of: “But Carmy? Carmy is emotionally trapped in the freezer, cataloging his mistakes, creating lists, and tuning in to the harshest voice in his head, which comes from his most cruel former boss.”

He was raised with the belief that love and happiness aren’t reliable. Instead, one should anticipate the unexpected, the sudden and devastating collapse, like a whirlwind of bricks and rebar.

Before you’re able to distinguish a tornado from a holiday feast, or recognize the impact of your parents’ alcoholism on your life, all you can do is cling to your anxiety, create numerous to-do lists, and believe that enduring persistent discomfort is a sign of greatness, while everyone else experiences life as if waking up from a nightmare.

I hope that in Season 4, Carmy attends Al-Anon meetings a little more frequently, possibly sharing some insights about his mother.

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2024-07-18 19:46