Sarah Parish details the trauma of losing her daughter at just eight months old to rare condition as she and husband James Murray admit they ‘lived with the blind hope she would survive and nothing else mattered’

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Sarah Parish and her husband, James Murray, have shared how they dealt with the heartbreaking loss of their daughter, Ella-Jayne, by focusing their energy on helping others cope with similar tragedies.

I was so heartbroken to learn about what happened to them. Back in 2009, the actress and her husband, the wonderful Crown star, lost their little girl. She was only eight months old and sadly passed away from a congenital heart defect. It’s just devastating to think about, and I still feel for them both.

After her passing, they found it difficult to deal with their sadness, which led them to volunteer at orphanages in Southeast Asia. This experience ultimately inspired them to start their own charitable organization.

In the 2025 New Year Honours, the couple were both awarded MBEs for their work supporting children with illnesses and their families through their charity.

In an interview with The Sunday Times, the parents explained that Ella-Jayne was born five weeks early in May 2008. They immediately sensed something was seriously wrong when they saw the nurses’ expressions.

As a long-time fan, I was so saddened to hear about what happened with the star of Cutting It and their daughter, Ella-Jayne. They’ve shared that getting a diagnosis of Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome for Ella-Jayne felt like their world turned upside down – a real nightmare situation. It’s heartbreaking to imagine what they’ve been going through.

Just three days after she was born, the baby girl underwent open-heart surgery. She then spent the next four months in the hospital’s intensive care unit, where her parents remained constantly, doing everything they could to help her recover.

Sarah admitted: ‘We lived with the blind hope she would survive; nothing else mattered.’ 

James explained that Ella-Jayne’s sudden death at home in January 2009 was devastating for them, leaving them completely heartbroken.

The couple, married since 2007, shared how the heartbreaking loss affected their relationship. They worried it might fall apart, as statistics show about 75% of couples separate after experiencing the death of a child.

Sarah remembers that she and Jim supported each other while Ella-Jayne was still alive. However, they had a very hard time after Ella-Jayne passed away at home in January 2009.

After losing our baby, my husband and I felt lost. We decided to travel to Vietnam and Cambodia and volunteer at orphanages, working with children who were seriously ill. It sounds strange, but being around their struggles actually helped us process our own grief. As I said, we really tried to surround ourselves with their pain, hoping it would give us some perspective on what we were going through.

That experience led them to start a new charity in 2014 called Imagine This (previously known as the Murray Parish Trust). The charity focuses on providing mental health support to seriously ill children and their families throughout the UK.

The couple received MBEs earlier this year in recognition of their charity work. Sarah described the day King Charles presented them with the honors as ‘one of the best days ever,’ highlighting the positive influence their daughter, Ella-Jayne, had made.

Receiving our MBEs this year for our charity work was an incredible honor. We were deeply proud to know that our daughter’s brief life had touched so many people and made a real difference.

Sarah and James went on to welcome daughter Nell, now 15, ten months after Ella-Jayne’s death.

I’ve always loved how she does birthdays! She writes the sweetest card to Ella-Jayne, and then keeps it – it’s something James and she both treasure, and I think it’s just so thoughtful and special.

She shared with OK! Magazine that she writes a birthday card for her daughter every year and saves them both. While there are tough times, she focuses on the good and feels grateful for what they have.

This follows James sharing how fishing provided him with comfort while grieving the devastating loss of Ella-Jayne.

In a November interview with The Times, he explained that he’d attempted therapy and confided in friends, but neither had helped at the time.

He described the pain as overwhelming and impossible to deal with. Therapy and support from friends weren’t enough to help him cope with something he couldn’t understand. He felt like he was drowning, slowly at first, then rapidly, and the experience was all-consuming and terrifying.

I started fishing in the river, letting the rhythm of casting help me deal with things and reconnect with Ella-Jayne.

James shared that they couldn’t enjoy the news of Sarah being pregnant again with Nell, as they were still deeply anxious after the loss of their daughter, Ella-Jayne.

He explained that the excitement of potentially having another baby was overshadowed by so much anxiety and careful consideration, it simply wasn’t joyful.

Sarah’s pregnancy was a really stressful time, and when Nell was born prematurely, things were especially difficult. But going through all of that made us a much stronger and more adaptable family.

I’ve always been struck by Sarah’s honesty. She’s shared that before her daughter’s passing, life felt simple and easy for her. But incredibly, she’s also said that going through such a devastating loss ultimately helped her grow and become a stronger person. It’s a testament to her resilience, and it’s something I’ve really admired about her.

In a 2019 interview with the Mail, she shared that she’d always led a comfortable life without facing major hardship. However, she explained that a difficult experience, while a common sentiment, ultimately shaped who she and those involved became.

As someone who’s observed a lot of creative professionals, I’ve always admired those who dedicate time to charity, especially when juggling demanding careers like acting. It’s honestly the perfect balance. The acting profession, with its focus on embodying different characters, can sometimes allow, even encourage, a bit of self-indulgence – it’s easy to lose touch with reality. That’s why giving back is so crucial; it keeps things grounded and provides a really important sense of purpose.

It all revolves around supporting you and your needs, which is fantastic – we feel very fortunate. Working with a charity alongside my regular job gives me a real perspective on the hardships some people face, and it makes my work even more rewarding. I often feel like my job is a vacation, and my charity work is what truly keeps me grounded.

She described how James and she were deeply affected by the loss, saying it fundamentally changed them both. She also noted that as you get older, you realize how common this kind of loss is, as more and more people you meet have experienced the death of a child.

Many families experience the loss of a child under even more difficult conditions than Jim and I did. Ella-Jayne was only eight months old and had been quite sick, so we had emotionally prepared ourselves for the possibility of losing her.

I’ve known people who had perfectly healthy children, and then, unexpectedly, those children were gone. It’s devastating.

Losing a child is devastating, no matter their age – I’ve seen it firsthand with people who’ve lost children as young as sixteen. It’s an experience that fundamentally alters who you are. While it’s been incredibly difficult, I believe it’s ultimately changed us for the better.

If anything in this article has upset or concerned you, please reach out to Imagine This at imaginethis.org.uk for support.

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2025-09-21 23:49