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Partner of the First U.S. Woman in Space Reflects On Their Hidden Relationship

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Back in those days, it’s not documented if Sally Ride secretly raised an eyebrow when she laid her eyes on NASA’s initial hygiene kit for their female astronauts. Yet, I can’t help but imagine she had every reason to do so. After all, the space agency was quite adept at packing for men, offering them the basics like deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrush, and a razor. However, us ladies were in for a bit more—lipstick, blush, eyeliner were added to our kits, but that wasn’t all. Crucially, they included up to 100 tampons, just to make sure we had enough for an average woman’s menstrual cycle in space!

The first toiletry kit was arranged prior to June 18, 1983, which marked the day Ride ascended on the Challenger shuttle, making her the first American woman in space and breaking a gender barrier previously set by Soviet cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova, exactly 20 years later. However, it wasn’t just the tampon issue; NASA’s female astronauts, including Ride, faced numerous challenges. Her journey is detailed in the captivating new documentary “Sally,” which won the Alfred P. Sloan feature film prize at the Sundance Film Festival in 2025.

Some notable incidents that stood out for Ride included the pre-launch news conference where a TIME magazine journalist inquired, “Dr. Ride, I have a couple of quick questions for you… ma’am.” Additionally, there was a reporter who directly asked Ride, “Do you cry?” when faced with a challenging training issue. Lastly, there was the bouquet of flowers presented to Ride upon landing, meant as a tribute to America’s first female astronaut hero; however, Ride declined the gift, which generated much criticism in the media.

Above all else, what truly mattered was the deeply private aspect of Ride’s life, particularly her 27-year relationship with Tam O’Shaughnessy, a bond that was essentially a marriage but remained unacknowledged until Ride passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2012 at the age of 61. It was only in the obituary written by O’Shaughnessy following her partner’s death that this relationship came to light. In the final moments before Ride’s passing, O’Shaughnessey delicately raised the question of when and how to disclose their long-held secret spanning over a quarter of a century.

In our latest chat, O’Shaughnessy told TIME that he confided in Sally, saying something like, “I’m a bit anxious. I’m unsure about what I should write or how I’ll handle this situation.” He continued, “But she reassured me, ‘It’s your decision. Whatever path you choose will be the correct one.’

As a passionate film enthusiast, I’m thrilled to share that a captivating production, penned, produced, and directed by the talented Cristina Constantine, will make its grand debut on National Geographic on June 16. Starting from June 17, this masterpiece will be accessible for streaming on both Disney+ and Hulu. This film beautifully portrays the courageous decisions made by Sally, Tam, and Ride – individuals who dared to challenge norms and push boundaries in their respective journeys.

One of the intriguing aspects of the movie is its exploration of female astronauts, a concept that was initially met with skepticism, particularly in the U.S., during the early years. A poignant clip from the 1960s features one of NASA’s original seven astronauts, Gordon Cooper, being interviewed. When asked about the possibility of women in the space program, he responded candidly, “We could have used a woman and flown her instead of the chimpanzee.” This underlines the significant strides made by pioneering women in the field of astronomy.

1976 marked a significant shift in NASA’s astronaut selection process, 15 years after Alan Shepard made history as the first American in space. For the first time, women and people of color were welcome to apply, and over 8,000 did just that. In 1978, NASA picked 35 of these applicants to become astronauts, among them three Black individuals, one Asian American, and six women. Sally Ride was one of the chosen few, so was Judith Resnik, who tragically perished when the Challenger spacecraft exploded during its tenth mission in January 1986. There were numerous predictions within NASA and beyond about which woman would take flight first, much like the speculation surrounding Shepard’s launch in 1961. Ride and Resnik were seen as frontrunners. According to Sally, Ride was selected because the mission planners felt she was less likely to be sidetracked by the attention of being the first, focusing more on the mission itself and the history she would create.

According to O’Shaughnessey, “she had a deep affection for both physics and space exploration,” and when it came to these subjects, she was often passionate and determined.

Ride developed a deep affection for O’Shaughnessey over time – a bond that began when they were teenagers in line for a tennis tournament in Southern California. They first met when Ride was 13 and O’Shaughnessey was 12. Ride, who stood on her toes like a ballerina, caught O’Shaughnessey’s attention as she said, “You’re walking on your toes like a ballet dancer,” according to Ride in the film. This comment sparked their friendship. Sally, who was somewhat reserved, would talk passionately for extended periods about various players and strategies for defeating them.

As time passed, the two developed a strong bond, yet their paths diverged. Ride pursued a career in physics, starting at Swarthmore College in Pennsylvania for three consecutive semesters from 1968, followed by a summer stint at UCLA before transferring to Stanford as a junior. On the other hand, O’Shaughnessey chose a path in professional tennis, competing from 1971 to 1974, and even participating in both the U.S. Open and Wimbledon tournaments. Early on, O’Shaughnessy embraced her sexuality openly and wholeheartedly.

In my journey as a tennis player, I encountered a handful of ladies who were unconventional, if you will. Yet, it wasn’t just about them; the overall ambiance, even among straight women, was one of indifference towards personal relationships. I found myself frequenting the vibrant gay bars in San Francisco, dancing the night away with my cherished companions.

For Ride, things took an unusual turn during her time at Stanford. She found herself falling in love with her female roommate and the two shared a bond for four years. However, Ride preferred to maintain their relationship discreetly, which was not acceptable to her partner. According to O’Shaughnessy, she grew tired of living a hidden life and chose to move forward.

Later on, Ride decided to marry Steve Hawley, another astronaut, in 1982. This wasn’t merely a strategic move for a public figure in a country not yet open to same-sex marriage, but also fell short of a heartfelt romantic union. According to O’Shaughnessy, they were truly good friends who shared many common interests. Ride was a physicist, while Hawley was an astronomer. They enjoyed discussing their shared passions, and both were overjoyed at being chosen as astronauts. Additionally, they both appreciated sports, which further strengthened their friendship.

Their divorce in 1987 didn’t resolve their feelings for each other. In fact, before the split, Ride and O’Shaughnessy had grown closer than friends, with Ride often visiting O’Shaughnessy in Atlanta, where she lived after retiring from tennis. Meanwhile, O’Shaughnessy resided in Houston.

In a turn of events that I hadn’t foreseen, our relationship took on a romantic hue one enchanting spring afternoon in 1985. Whenever Sally visited, we’d often go for invigorating runs and leisurely walks, cherishing each moment together. One day, back at my humble abode, we found ourselves engrossed in conversation. My aged cocker spaniel, Annie, lay nearby. As I bent to tenderly stroke her fur, I felt Sally’s gentle hand on my lower back – a sensation that was far from ordinary. Startled, I turned to look at her, and the depth of her affection for me was written all over her face.

According to the film’s portrayal by O’Shaughnessy, she exclaimed, “Looks like we’re in a pickle.” Ride countered, “Not necessarily. We don’t have to face this situation.” And then, they shared a kiss.

In a later instance, Ride embarked on a space journey twice, the second time being in 1984, once more on the shuttle named Challenger. Unfortunately, this vessel suffered a devastating explosion just 73 seconds into its final mission in 1986, resulting in the loss of all seven crew members. Alongside Neil Armstrong, the commander of Apollo 11 and the first man on the moon, Ride was part of the commission that investigated the accident’s causes. Leaving NASA in 1987, she took up a fellowship at Stanford University before becoming a physics professor at the University of California, San Diego. In 1989, O’Shaughnessy relocated to live with her. It wasn’t until 2013, a year after Ride’s demise, that California legally recognized gay marriage permanently. Similarly, it wasn’t until 2015 that the Supreme Court made this practice legal nationwide. However, Ride, much like her relationship with her college roommate, maintained her love for O’Shaughnessy as a quiet and relatively private affair. This perspective began to shift in 2011.

That year, Ride initially exhibited symptoms of illness – a loss of appetite and discoloration on her cheeks. Her doctor ultimately diagnosed pancreatic cancer, but didn’t specify the stage. O’Shaughnessy remembers, “The doctor never mentioned the severity. We thought she would recover, and we were trying everything – acupuncture, meditation, even becoming vegetarians. But one day, at the oncologist, he suggested hospice care. Sally and I were taken aback.

As Ride was nearing death, the couple feared that O’Shaughnessy might not be permitted to visit her in the hospital, make crucial medical decisions, or share property because they weren’t married. This was problematic given their situation in California. So, they opted for the second-best solution: registering as domestic partners, which granted them the necessary rights.

According to O’Shaughnessy, “That’s the most disappointing expression,” he states. “In the past, we would teasingly refer to each other as ‘certified house chickens,’ as it was a rather negative label.

Regardless of what they were called, their recently acquired freedom wouldn’t last long. She passed away on July 23, 2012, only 17 months after receiving her diagnosis. At first, NASA had no intention of holding a formal memorial or celebration for her life. However, a month later, Armstrong also passed away, and a memorial service was held at the Washington National Cathedral, attended by 1,500 people.

As a passionate movie critic, I found myself irked by the situation at hand. In an attempt to rectify this, I reached out to the esteemed Senator Barbara Mikulski, who chaired the Senate Committee on Appropriations and had control over NASA’s budget. Senator Mikulski then engaged with then-NASA Administrator Charlie Bolden regarding my concerns. Initially, he suggested a more intimate gathering of 300 people at the National Air and Space Museum. However, I persisted in my pursuit for something more grand, ultimately securing approval for an impressive event at the Kennedy Center in 2013.

Sally Ride’s influence continues through Sally Ride Science, a nonprofit established in 2001 by Ride and O’Shaughnessy, which aims to empower girls with scientific knowledge and encourages women to join the STEM fields. Her legacy is also evident in astronaut Peggy Whitson, who currently holds the U.S. record for longest time spent in space at 675 days across four missions. Christina Koch will further carry on Ride’s legacy as she prepares to be the first woman to travel to the moon, flying aboard Artemis II in 2026. The spirit of Ride can also be seen in NASA’s current astronaut corps, which includes 19 women out of a total of 46 members. Sally Ride soared, Sally Ride moved swiftly, and Sally Ride pioneered—all while making significant contributions to science and promoting human equality. Sally shares her extraordinary story.

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2025-06-11 15:07

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