Now that ‘Real Housewives’ star Heather Gay has left the Mormon church, she has a lot to say

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As a seasoned observer of reality TV, I must say that the lives of these women, from The Real Housewives to The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, are as intriguing as they are captivating. Each woman, with her unique background and experiences, offers a glimpse into worlds often hidden behind closed doors.

Initially, when a fellow “Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” star labeled Heather Gay as a “party girl” who showed her chest at Brigham Young University, an offended Gay refuted this claim vehemently. She lamented that it was a reputation she would have welcomed, but unfortunately, the label caused issues in the initial stages of the Bravo series and created tension with Lisa Barlow, the cast member who made the comment. However, they are on good terms now.

Four years on, Gay has regained the term that used to bother her and named her second book, a sequel to her 2023 first release titled “Bad Mormon”, as “Good Time Girl”. This new book will be released on December 3 through Gallery Books.

In this account, Gay, aged 50, openly shares that she’s always been a free-spirited individual beneath the surface, but her Mormon beliefs gradually extinguished that glow. She narrates personal incidents about bedwetting, her former spouse discarding her CD cases, and a friendship with Martha, a lesbian. When choosing which tales to disclose, Gay pondered: “How can I truthfully depict my marriage, truthfully portray young parenthood, while still respecting their father, preserving our history, and telling their story?” For her, it was a challenging task of finding the right balance.

Television

Heather Gay ponders over her achievements following her casting on Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” during its fifth season, as well as her departure from the church.

She views “Good Time Girl” as a chance for her to accept an identity she had previously distanced herself from, due to her now-abandoned Mormon beliefs. Speaking over the phone from her Salt Lake City living room, Gay reflects, “It’s amazing how much I’ve changed.” She adds, “I guess you can’t run away from yourself.

During an interview, Gay discusses her journey away from Mormonism, shares insights about Reality Von Tease’s previous season revelation, and talks about how starring in reality TV transformed her life. She also acknowledges Beauty Bar + Laser, a Utah-based business she runs with Dre Robinson, throughout the conversation.

After “Bad Mormon” came out, did you know you immediately wanted to write another book?

Initially, I had 10 book ideas within me. After publishing “Bad Mormon”, I felt eager to continue writing and found myself brimming with excitement for a second one. However, it was the overwhelmingly positive response to “Bad Mormon” that truly inspired me to write another one so swiftly. This reaction not only provided immense satisfaction but also played a significant role in helping me leave the church. Moreover, during difficult times while working on “Housewives”, it served as a source of comfort and support for me.

In “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City,” the tag “good-time girl” seemed to haunt your early days on the show, yet you’ve successfully redefined that image. What events led you to this transformation, and why does this title suitably reflect the content of your book?

Over the past five years, my life has undergone a remarkable metamorphosis, all thanks to “Housewives.” During Season 1, when Lisa quipped, “I think she’s like, ‘Woo, a good-time girl,'” it was my initial encounter with the world. To have that label attached to me was humiliating and mortifying at the time. Fast-forward five years, and I can say that what I experienced on TV pales in comparison. Now, instead of being fearful of the “good-time girl” moniker, it’s become the driving force behind my joy and self-expression. It transformed from something to be ashamed of into the embodiment of who I aspire to be.

It’s clear what you mean. It’s truly amazing to witness your journey towards liberation from Mormonism. Could it be that this platform has played a significant role in helping you accept yourself wholeheartedly, without it, would you have reached this level of self-acceptance sooner?

Absolutely, let me rephrase that for you: “Being a ‘housewife’ was my only means of escape. It provided me with financial freedom and support which I wouldn’t have had otherwise. Admittedly, it may sound strange, but the fans and the community of non-conforming Mormons were incredibly supportive. The moment I published my first book and witnessed this community flourish was a crucial source of support for me during my transition away from the faith. There are things in this book that I was too afraid to express three years ago. As I move further away from the faith and the indoctrination, I find myself seeing more clearly each year.

Could you share with me the reasons behind your decision to open up about your ongoing unease regarding intimacy and the obstacles you’re facing in the current dating environment?

In my life on screen and off, there’s often a striking contrast. I relish cracking jokes and projecting confidence, yet deep down, I’m rather reserved and introverted. These two worlds sometimes clash, especially given the strict upbringing I had in a culture that heavily emphasized purity. To be honest, I once viewed myself as quite wicked for behaviors that I now realize were ordinary rites of passage for many teenage girls or young adults. But back then, I saw those actions as negative, which made me question my character. However, shedding that lens of perceived wickedness has allowed me to appreciate the impact they had on me. Yet, it’s essential to acknowledge that there’s still baggage I carry from that time. I yearn for the sexual freedom my daughters enjoy, but that wasn’t the world I was brought up in. Honesty is crucial because representation matters, and I believe there are other women out there who share similar feelings and would like to discuss it openly.

How did you select the stories to tell for this book?

In the past, I’ve revisited significant moments in my life that I once saw as evidence of my flaws, my wrongdoings, my pact with the devil, if you will. For the last five years, I’ve been living outside the church, openly not being a Mormon, engaging in activities such as sex and drinking – things any divorced adult might do. But for me, these actions were shrouded under the label of “forbidden.” This is a small part of my life compared to its entirety. So I’ve been reflecting on those formative memories that were tainted by shame, my personal interpretation, and my identity as a Mormon. I want to revisit those moments, show compassion to that younger version of myself, remember her, respect her experiences, and forgive myself now for being the complex individual I am.

What impact did the “evidence, confirmation, sequence of events, snapshots” scene in Season 4 of “Housewives” have on your personal journey and the course of your involvement in the series?

For years, I’ve harbored a dream deep within me. I aspire that this moment will grant me a special star among the distinguished in these vibrant Housewives, a star on the “Housewives Walk of Fame” in Andy’s Clubhouse. Truthfully, it never crossed my mind personally, but when I reflect, it has profoundly altered my dynamics with my fellow cast members and friends. It truly metamorphosed our connection. It was as if a magical transformation took place in our friendship and our bond. Despite the ongoing conflicts and the work needed to resolve them, I still feel the love and loyalty that I can only attribute to that night in Bermuda and the way we all came together. It revolutionized everything for me – my ease on the show, my delight in filming, my enthusiasm for being a Housewife, which has become a significant part of my identity in so many ways.

Is it true that some episodes of “Housewives” are more scripted than others? How much of the events depicted during the Bermuda episode featuring Monica [Garcia], who was unmasked as a reality TV tease, were authentic and truly occurred in real life?

When we entered that dinner, the four of us, the only thing we were certain of was what we could discuss during our beach hour. In the finale, everyone acknowledged their knowledge. Yet, the way they stood by me was remarkable. I had to tell them, “Look, the details are still emerging, but I’ve seen it. I’ve got the evidence, the screenshots – it’s incontrovertible.” Essentially, in Housewives lingo, they had to trust me blindly. I couldn’t reveal the data stream I was dealing with at that moment. In essence, we knew our past and our challenges. We simply supported each other in that instance. The climax, however, revealed the full timeline – it was much more drawn-out than what you saw on TV. It was the first finale without producers present, where there was no one prompting us to talk or offering drinks. Instead, we were out there for hours, arguing about it under the spotlight. It was a wild, unbelievable night. To truly grasp it, you had to be there. So, I felt compelled to write about it, to let readers experience as much of that backstage reality as possible. Because living through it was insane, and I can’t fathom watching it for the first time without having lived it.

Television

Watching Season 4 of ‘The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City’ on Bravo was an exciting experience, mainly due to the emergence of the newest antagonist, Monica Garcia.

The show reminded me of “The Mole.” It was thrilling, and I was truly amazed by it. I couldn’t help but think, “Wow, you have skills that would be perfect for the FBI.

My dad actually worked for the FBI. Maybe it’s in my DNA.

Have you been in touch with Monica at all since everything?

There was a legal dispute between us, but we won with a summary judgment, and the judge ruled in our favor. So I believe that will be the final interaction I have with her. She attended a deposition, and since then, I haven’t had any direct communication with her.

How often do you hang out with the other cast members when you’re not filming?

To put it simply, I often spend time with Meredith Marks when she’s in town because our schedules are quite busy, like ships passing in the night. It’s important to make the most of her visits. We were among the first to take advantage of Lisa’s Vida lounge opening. When we all have a chance, we usually go out for dinner or drinks, as we prefer not to let our glamorous looks go to waste. So if we have press events, appearances, or confessional sessions, we’ll send each other messages saying something like, “Fancy grabbing a drink? Let’s not waste the makeup.” Living in Salt Lake City, we tend to cross paths quite frequently, either directly or through mutual friends. It’s a tight-knit community.

Given that you have friends who practice Mormonism, I’m curious about your current stance or connection towards this religion.

The situation is quite complex and tense. Friends who share my faith but disagree with me on certain issues seem to avoid discussing specific topics like the TV show, book, or controversial matters. Instead, they engage in casual chats about everyday subjects such as my children, home, garden, or clothing. It feels like I’m being ignored or made invisible in this community. This dynamic particularly impacts my children, which is a concern.

That’s so tough. Something you address in the book is using Ozempic, weight loss and how people have treated you differently since. Why was it important for you to address this?

I found myself grappling with an intricate dilemma: while I openly discuss my Ozempic journey and weight loss on a global platform, I’m cautious about talking about my physical appearance. This topic seems charged because, even as body positivity has transformed my life and made the world safer for me to express myself authentically, I still wish I could wear smaller clothes. It’s a complex issue, as this desire for change in my appearance seems to contradict the positive impact of body positivity on my self-image. However, I wouldn’t have shared my Ozempic experience if it hadn’t been successful. The paradox is that I was proud to represent midsize women, but now, some might perceive my weight loss as a betrayal of that community. As I mentioned in my book, the size of my pants doesn’t alter the challenges I face in life.

What is your perspective on “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives”?

As a cinephile, I find myself captivated by these stories because they depict characters who are still finding their paths, taking risks, and growing in ways I never dared when I thought my destiny lay in being a housewife, draped in clothing that merely hinted at the woman beneath, juggling milk and socialites at cocktail parties. The allure of this dual existence – living life on two fronts – is undeniable. I eagerly anticipate the unfolding of their marital journeys and personal lives, for I now stand on the other side of that young Mormon motherhood, understanding firsthand its immense challenges.

Television

Hey there fellow movie lovers! In this week’s screen chat, I dive deep into the captivating world of ‘The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’ on Hulu – answering your burning questions and shedding some light on this intriguing reality show. And to top it off, I’ve got some must-watch streaming picks to keep you entertained over the weekend! Enjoy the watch party!

Have any of those cast members been in touch with you since the show aired?

They haven’t sought advice from us yet, which is a pity since they don’t consider themselves “wayward Mormons.” It’s intriguing how our faith can lead individuals to realize their missteps eventually. The world often labels such individuals as “bad Mormons.” I know Demi [Engemann] through Angel Harrington and her former spouse, Bret, so we’ve crossed paths at 4th of July celebrations and Christmas gatherings because they’re quite sociable. However, that’s the extent of our relationship. I aim to invite the entire cast to Beauty Lab as they could be valuable customers and influencers, given their good looks.

As a passionate fan, I can’t help but notice the tension between you and Bronwyn in this latest season of “Housewives.” Can you share some insights about where things currently stand between the two of you?

Oh, Bronwyn, they’re quite nice, I suppose. I might as well tell you that, and I’m not only talking about her house. To be honest, it’s not particularly captivating yet. While I may understand her, it doesn’t mean I like her.

What is your perspective on marriage now?

This is all a sham; avoid it at all costs. Marriage, to me, resembles a religion, benefiting predominantly straight, white males, but ultimately men as well. Financial freedom offers you options.

What do you want for yourself and your life in the future?

It deeply touches me when someone asks about my future because for such a long time, I didn’t have one to look forward to. Even during my time on “Housewives,” I only focused on each episode and season. Each day feels like an extension of borrowed time. Currently, I’m in this blissful phase. My daughters are grown adults now, and they are not just my children but also my best friends. They are truly content, and it’s their happiness that has kept me going. I’ve managed to break the generational shackles, and my wish now is to cherish this life we’ve built together for as long as I can. They are the ones who have given me a reason to keep living, and they are the ones who have brought me here today.

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2024-12-06 02:39