Nobody Wants This has a problem with its Jewish women

As a Jewess myself, born and raised in Los Angeles, I found myself deeply troubled by the portrayal of Jewish women in the Netflix show “Nobody Wants This.” Having grown up surrounded by a rich tapestry of Jewish life, from Orthodox to Reform, it’s disheartening to see such a one-dimensional representation.


In Netflix’s newest romantic comedy series, Nobody Wants This, the classic trope of the improbable pairing is given a fresh twist. Here, Joanne, a sex-and-relationship podcast host and self-proclaimed agnostic (portrayed by Kristen Bell), finds herself smitten with Noah, a dedicated, charismatic, and humorous rabbi (Adam Brody).

As I dive into this game, it’s not about if they’ll end up together, but more about whether they can overcome the challenges standing in their way. Each of them carries their own relationship baggage, and that’s a hurdle in itself. But the most glaring issue is clear – Noah is a spiritual leader, with his followers and community expecting him to marry a traditional Jewish girl. Yet, Joanne is far from that stereotype.

This significant hurdle is subtly revealed to the audience through numerous minor miscommunications or awkward slips up; many of which are amusingly inappropriate. For instance, Joanne presents Noah’s family with a charcuterie board containing prosciutto – essentially pork – which, in most cases, Jews avoid eating. A bit of laughter ensues!

Nobody Wants This has a problem with its Jewish women

As a gamer, I’ve encountered the age-old trope of the ‘impossible match’ many times before, and with it comes a recurring cast: families and communities who vehemently oppose the newcomer marrying their kin. While this isn’t inherently problematic, it can be narrow-minded, especially when it comes to Jewish customs and beliefs.

He off-handedly jokes that falling for a gentile is a no-no because ‘we’re trying to repopulate’. It’s presented as a light-hearted aside, but it concisely expresses the fraught tension, and argument, at the heart of what it means to be Jewish.

In some traditional Jewish beliefs, if a Jew intends to have a non-Jewish partner, they might consider conversion to ensure their offspring are raised Jewish, since Jewish identity is often determined by the maternal lineage in matrilineal Judaism.

It doesn’t matter where or by whom you were brought up, or who your relatives or friends are – according to this tradition, only if your mother is Jewish will you be recognized as Jewish. In other words, following this belief, I myself am not considered Jewish.

Nobody Wants This has a problem with its Jewish women

Adam Brody’s Noah, who surprisingly adheres to this conservative religious foundation despite being an ‘unorthodox’ rabbi, suggests that his relationship with Joanne might be in trouble. And their relationship could very well be doomed if Noah’s sister-in-law and mother take any action on the matter.

Esther (played by Jackie Tohn), Sister-in-law, and Bina (portrayed by Tova Feldshuh), mother figure, take on a malevolent stepmother and sisterlike role, hatching a plan to sabotage Noah’s fresh relationship. They appear to recruit almost every Jewish woman Noah has ever known in their scheme.

In the show “Nobody Wants This,” the trope is repeatedly employed, but it falters because it overly relies on the negative stereotype of Jewish women as persistently complaining, unpleasant, and harsh. This characterization becomes a persistent and problematic aspect of the portrayal.

Nobody Wants This has a problem with its Jewish women

In a different setting, Joanne, who is free-spirited, blonde, and beautiful, often contrasts with the more neurotic, brunette women of Jewish descent in Noah’s life. It’s important to note that these women are not described as ugly, but rather, this contrast presents them as spiritually and psychologically unappealing, despite any physical attractiveness they may possess.

As a passionate enthusiast, I’ve noticed an intriguing aspect in the world of acting that sheds light on certain dynamics. There are instances where Jewish actors are denied roles that require them to portray Jews, simply because they appear too ‘Jewish’. For women, it’s frequently about not meeting the conventional beauty standards we’re so accustomed to: straight blonde hair, small noses, soft-spoken voices.

As a gamer, I found myself grappling with an intriguing question posed by the series: What does it truly mean to embody a Jew? In a moment that really hit home, the show delved into how antisemitism can subtly permeate society. However, this exploration seemed primarily geared towards advancing the characters’ narratives within the show.

Despite the frequent label of beauty given to Rebecca (Emily Arlook), character-wise, her actions are mostly typical stereotypes. For instance, in her initial on-screen encounter, she secretly spoke with Noah’s mother about their impending marriage, which earned an exasperated response of “Oy”.

Nobody Wants This has a problem with its Jewish women

Specifically, Esther appears excessively harsh towards Noah’s ex, who happens to be her close friend, but her behavior can at best be described as immature and at worst as downright malicious. Similarly, Bina exhibits a comically wicked side, hinting to Joanne that although Bina has feelings for Noah, Joanne will never be with him.

In a brief instance, a more compassionate side of Esther emerges as she interacts with her daughter. Yet, this gentle moment quickly passes, leaving us questioning its authenticity because Esther is typically harsh, making her moments of empathy feel unusual and unexpected, rather than an opportunity to delve into Esther’s complexity.

In the romantic comedy genre, a common plot device involves the family being portrayed as adversaries to the blossoming, lively relationship. The role of the family in these stories is often intended to be that of the villain. However, the use of this trope in “Nobody Wants This” is problematic because it also reinforces an age-old antisemitic stereotype regarding Jewish women.

Nobody Wants This has a problem with its Jewish women

In a conversation with “Hey, Alma”, writer Erin Foster admitted that she hadn’t given much thought to the portrayal of Jewish women in the show. However, as “Hey, Alma”‘s creator noted – it certainly seemed evident.

It’s unfortunate, but the show “Nobody Wants This” is making strides to challenge and dismantle stereotypes about Jewish men and masculinity. The presence of a ‘hot rabbi’ character, though the show acknowledges this, represents a significant shift in representation that has been long overdue.

Jewish men are given dynamism; even Noah’s father (Paul Ben-Victor) – who expresses his support of Noah’s relationship, albeit couched in metaphor – has shades of grey. Save for the show’s ‘cool rabbi Shira’ cameo (Leslie Grossman), none of the show’s Jewish women are afforded nuance. There isn’t even a funky-reform-Jew friend of Joanne’s to warn her that bringing prosciutto to a conservative Jewish family is a no-no.

Nobody Wants This has a problem with its Jewish women

The situation presented raises several intriguing points. For instance, how can a young woman in Los Angeles, who is assumed to be a millennial, not know any Jews? Also, why does the unorthodox rabbi find himself in such a tradition-bound congregation? Furthermore, it’s puzzling that even the ‘nicest’ Jewish characters (presumably the men) seem fixated on the term shiksa, which, while not necessarily defamatory, is certainly disparaging.

There are Many Reasons to Anticipate a Second Season of “Nobody Wants This,”” as it boasts numerous advantages and could delve deeper into the complexities of Judaism it presents, providing answers that enhance our understanding of what it is to be Jewish, a millennial woman, a matriarch, a patriarch, and one who experiences love.

Bina and Esther can continue standing against Noah’s proposal, yet they might need to navigate more intricate and convoluted paths, all while preserving their strong Jewish identity.

Nobody Wants This is available on Netflix.

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2024-10-03 12:49

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