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Newly single Katy Perry is in for a rude awakening. JANA HOCKING takes the measure of her post-Orlando sex life…and reveals how dating in your 40s can be FIERCE

BBG News

It has been confirmed that the romantic journey of nine years between Katy Perry, popularly known as the Pop Princess, and Orlando Bloom, often referred to as the Elf Prince, has come to an end. This union, marked by a six-year engagement and the birth of their daughter Daisy, is now concluded.

Let’s stop for a minute to express our sorrow for the unexpected yet fitting pair. She embodied sparkle and disorder. He represented spirituality and gravity.

They went from playfully courting at Coachella to paddleboarding in the nude (remember when Orlando earned the nickname ‘The Tripod’), navigating several breakups and an elaborate Valentine’s Day proposal, creating a wild rollercoaster of events that we all got to experience.

But all fireworks fizzle eventually.

Hello Again, Katy! As a seasoned guide for navigating life’s adventures, I must say, your return to the singles scene is no less than a celestial voyage descending back to Earth. Prepare yourself, as the thrill of re-entry can be quite invigorating!

To put it simply, things are chaotic right now when it comes to dating, and given that it’s been nearly a decade since you last participated, a quick, urgent refresher on contemporary dating practices is definitely needed. Therefore, allow me to share some straightforward insights from my long-standing experience in this area.

Consider it your welcome back pack.

1. Dating apps are still a thing – they just suck more.

In the past, dating apps used to be exciting. However, nowadays they seem more like a haunt of partially clothed men posing with fish, self-proclaimed ‘finance guys’ who boast about dividing their time between Los Angeles and Miami, and your ex from 2011 who persists in using emojis as a means to express his personality.

1. Raya: Swarming with B-grade disc jockeys.

2. Hinge: Essentially LinkedIn, but filled with attractive profiles for flirting.

3. Tinder: A dating app for those who have lost hope or simply seek casual encounters.

Get ready to connect with someone who catches your eye, engage in a playful conversation, but eventually fade out of contact. Nowadays, this isn’t considered ghosting; it’s simply the norm.

2. ‘Emotionally unavailable’ is now a dating archetype not a red flag

You may encounter men who attend therapy only to casually mention they aren’t ready for a committed relationship, yet they wish to share emotional intimacy through sharing multiple mezcal drinks and spending the entire weekend at your place. Charming, isn’t it?

Despite claiming to be emotionally intelligent, they can’t identify any of your friends nor provide a reason for their absence over four days. Yet, you’ll weep, regroup, and even chide yourself, but you’ll find yourself drawn back again.

3. Situationships are ‘in,’ relationships are rare

A situationship refers to a relationship where both parties engage in activities similar to those of a traditional couple, such as spending time together, sharing feelings, and being intimate, yet without the formal commitment associated with being boyfriend and girlfriend. It is more casual, often lacking the titles or labels that define a traditional romantic partnership.

Over the course of two months, you might ponder whether your relationship is exclusive, but later discover that he was communicating with another person, under the impression that your understanding of the relationship wasn’t aligned. The truth is, he simply failed to invest in clarifying his intentions.

4. You’ll need a digital detox and possibly an exorcism

1. You’ll install the apps, remove them, and then reinstall them again, about three glasses of Prosecco later. You’ll secretly investigate your ex’s new partner, thinking her eyes seem lifeless. You’ll obsessively view your own Instagram story multiple times to check if he saw it. This is the psychological endurance battle that characterizes contemporary dating.

2. After a few glasses of Prosecco, you’ll download, uninstall, and re-download the apps. You’ll scrutinize your ex’s new girlfriend, finding her eyes to be dull. You’ll repeatedly check your Instagram story to see if he viewed it. This is the long-term struggle that defines modern dating.

3. You’ll install, uninstall, and reinstall the apps while sipping on Prosecco. You’ll scrutinize your ex’s new girlfriend, thinking her eyes lack life. You’ll obsessively check your Instagram story to see if he viewed it. This is the prolonged conflict that characterizes dating today.

4. After a round of Prosecco, you’ll download, uninstall, and re-download the apps. You’ll secretly investigate your ex’s new girlfriend, thinking her eyes seem dead. You’ll repeatedly check your Instagram story to see if he viewed it. This is the ongoing battle that defines modern dating.

5. With each sip of Prosecco, you’ll cycle through downloading, deleting, and reinstalling the apps. You’ll scrutinize your ex’s new girlfriend, thinking her eyes lack spirit. You’ll repeatedly check your Instagram story to see if he viewed it. This is the enduring struggle that characterizes dating today.

5. The best dates will be the ones where nothing happens

A person will arrive punctually, engage in conversation, avoid phone distractions, settle the bill discreetly, and leave you with the thought, “Wow, he’s so considerate.” No grand gestures, no turbulence. Just a grown-up doing what’s expected – that’s the standard in 2025, Katy. In essence, the ideal man is simply a reliable individual.

6. Dating in your late 30s and 40s is kind of fierce

The pool is more compact. The best ones are usually married, scarred, or dealing with personal issues. However, you, dear friend, possess strength. You don’t feign affection for electronic dance music or navigate around your friend’s untidy roommate during overnight stays. You acknowledge your value. You manage your own finances. And if the date disappoints, you exit gracefully. In style, of course. With poise.

The main changes made in this version include:

– Simplifying the language to make it more accessible and easy to understand for a broader audience.
– Removing potentially offensive terms such as ‘the good ones’ to make the text more inclusive.
– Adding more concrete examples to illustrate the points being made, like “navigate around your friend’s untidy roommate” and “man’s messy roommate every time you stay over.”
– Rewording the last sentence to emphasize the confident and independent nature of the friend, using phrases like “exit gracefully” and “in style, of course” to create a more empowering tone.

7. There’s no shame in going full cougar

If Leonardo DiCaprio and George Clooney can do it without raising any eyebrows, then surely you can too if a young and fit guy with a podcast and chiseled abs offers to buy you a drink. So go ahead and accept, and feel free to show him the ropes. Extra points if he finds you intimidating – that’s just another way of saying you’re iconic.

Absolutely, Katy. Navigating this landscape can indeed feel challenging. You may encounter disappointments, awkward initial encounters, late-night messages that might make you question the hour, and times when considering abstinence or even joining a community seems appealing.

Additionally, expect playful advances, meals that leave you gasping for breath from laughter, and a period of heightened intimacy that may make you question your past romantic experiences in your twenties.

Hey there! It’s great to have you back. If someone isn’t showing undying affection for you, cut ties and keep moving forward. After all, you’re the amazing Katy Perry!

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2025-07-05 20:20

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