Movies

‘My Mom Jayne’ led Mariska Hargitay to see her mother ‘like a superhero’

BBG News

“See the pink roses?” Mariska Hargitay says as she shuffles outside her home.

During our video chat, when she was asked if she senses the spirit of her deceased mother Jayne Mansfield more strongly since working on the documentary about her life and enduring legacy, Hargitay turns her laptop to show me the verdant surroundings of her home in New York. She indicates a cluster of flowers in a hue that her mother, who once resided in the Pink Palace, a lavish Mediterranean-style mansion in L.A., would likely admire.

She refers to her balcony as her “Snow White balcony.” Sitting there, she is often visited by squirrels, butterflies, and birds. “I had a conversation with a friend this morning,” she explains, “who shared an incredibly beautiful analogy for the movie. As she spoke, my friend said, ‘Your mother would be so proud of you,’ and at that exact moment, one whole rose bloom fell off. It can’t be a mere coincidence; it’s simply impossible.

Actor from “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” shares an experience of visiting a spa recently and noticing the robes were from Mansfield. He states, “Things are getting quite extraordinary…She’s accompanying me in a fresh manner. I’ve never sensed her presence more intensely.

Wow, check this out! This makes me feel emotional,” Hargitay suddenly sits up, carrying her laptop into an adjoining bathroom. “This was supposed to be part of the scene, but it’s not in the film – I wished it were. Here are my mother’s sinks,” she points out as the camera zooms in to reveal double sinks decorated with a cherub motif.

She recently renovated the bathroom as her brother salvaged the sinks when they were demolishing their old pink house. He generously gave them to her. She then gutted their entire bathroom and had those pink marble sinks installed instead. Now she shares a home with him, decorated with pink roses, his sinks, and her own pink quartz decorative elements. She’s now living with him.

The deeply moving and revealing documentary titled “My Mom Jayne”, which delves into the life of Mansfield, a Hollywood actress embodying the iconic ‘blond bombshell’ persona of the 1950s, will be airing at 8 p.m. this Friday on HBO and Max.

1967 saw Mariska Hargitay, aged three, asleep in the back of a car with her siblings. Tragically, their vehicle collided with a truck, claiming the life of Vera Jayne Palmer, known as Mansfield afterwards. In her directorial debut – a position she balanced while portraying Capt. Olivia Benson on NBC’s long-running crime series – Hargitay delves into and resolves the intricate bond she had with a mother she scarcely knew. Along this journey, Hargitay discloses a family secret that has been hidden for over 30 years: Mickey Hargitay, the man who raised her, was not her biological father but rather Nelson Sardelli, once an entertainer in Las Vegas.

Discussing the process of unfolding her mother’s tale from her residence, clad in a soft pastel blue hoodie emblazoned with “New York or Nowhere,” Hargitay shared her experiences. Below, you will find condensed snippets of their engaging dialogue.

At her home, donning a casual pastel blue hoodie with the words “New York or Nowhere” on it, Hargitay opened up about delving into her mother’s narrative. Here are some highlights from their enlightening discussion.

What led you to choose creating a documentary over writing a book for sharing this story and journey, and what prompted you to do so at this particular time?

I believe my strength lies more in filmmaking rather than writing, particularly when it comes to creating documentaries. For me, this medium is intensely immersive and has provided some truly moving experiences. A key aspect for me in this project was to incorporate the subjects’ own words into the narrative, as their story is just as much mine as it is theirs. This approach felt the most genuine when telling the story.

The question is: What prompted the creation of the documentary now? The answer is: After years of being asked about making a documentary about my mom, especially after “I Am Evidence” was released, and a chance encounter with Ron Chernow who suggested I should do it, I found myself ready. Even though everyone involved in the story is no longer alive, Ron offered to help me make it happen.

At this very instant, I became aware that the person I was conversing with was none other than an eminent historian, a literary giant. He had been subtly guiding me, providing comfort as I took steps towards new heights. However, there was significant self-work required on my part. I needed to fortify myself emotionally and heal old wounds to approach the situation honestly, curiously, and objectively. It was during the pandemic that I found myself isolated at my Long Island home, with ample time to reflect and revisit items I hadn’t before. Among these were boxes of letters I’d received over the years while working on “SVU.” Letters that began with phrases like, “I knew your mother…” or “I knew Jayne Mansfield…” would often leave me overwhelmed, causing me to set them aside. This narrative is about unpacking those boxes, both literally and symbolically.

Mariska Hargitay shares a renewed bond with her deceased mother in “My Mom Jayne”: “I’m experiencing some extraordinary occurrences… It seems she’s with me in a fresh manner. I’ve never felt her spirit more intensely.” (Victoria Will / For The Times)

At a relatively early stage of your professional journey, you stumbled upon a secret concerning your father. Can you recall the timeframe when this revelation occurred, as you balanced your career and perhaps felt adrift or uncertain about your personal identity?

The experience was incredibly confusing and overwhelming. Reflecting on it now, I can physically sense its impact on my body. It felt as though my very essence was dissolving away, leaving me without a solid foundation to stand upon. What had always been a defining part of me – being my father’s daughter – suddenly vanished. The secretive nature of the situation only added to the turmoil, making it difficult for me to make sense of it all. I felt so isolated in this revelation – torn between feelings of shame and loyalty, unwilling to betray him. That moment marked a significant transition into adulthood for me. Losing that connection with my mother, who was everything to me as a child, is life-altering. However, since much of it occurred during my pre-verbal stage, I was left grappling with intense feelings and emotions that I couldn’t articulate, process, or discuss. Essentially, I became a child trapped by unspoken pain.

One aspect I didn’t express in the film that I wish I had, is a profound metaphor from my personal life – when I visited my father after leaving Sabin’s, he was actually constructing a home for me. It was a powerful symbol, wasn’t it? Upon entering, I was overwhelmed with emotion and began to cry uncontrollably. He asked me what was wrong, and I accused him of deceit, saying “Why didn’t you tell me? You lied to me! How could you lie to me?” Seeing my idol, my mentor, my everything, crumble in front of me was heart-wrenching. His denial was so intense that even at 25 years old, I felt compassion for him and decided to bear the burden myself, thinking “I can handle this.

3-year-old Hargitay grapples with and reconciles her intricate bond with a mother she scarcely knew by making this film, which significantly reshaped her perspective on the experience. (Quote from Walter Fischer/HBO, courtesy of the Hargitay family/HBO)

As I transitioned into adult life, a newfound curiosity emerged within me regarding my parents, particularly since I was now the same age as they were when they brought me into the world. Can you share more about this feeling of motherly affection you have for your mom and how giving her grace plays a role in that relationship?

In my childhood, I yearned for parents to embody a particular image. For me, that meant a mom who lived at home, baked cookies, and didn’t wear high heels or bikinis. At the time, I wondered, “Why can’t you be ordinary?” Now, at 61, looking back with greater understanding, I realize that I was naive in my expectations. With three children, a career, a foundation, a husband, and countless responsibilities, I find it challenging to juggle everything while maintaining grace, elegance, and love. It’s a mystery to me sometimes how I manage, but I am fortunate to have help and an extraordinary partner. I got married at 40, had my first child at 42, and by then, I was mature and well-experienced in life.

In the movie, I mention that she [Mansfield] was in a sense still a young girl. At just 16, she became a mother, and the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy remain unknown. However, what she faced as a single parent with a child at such a tender age – if I were in her shoes living in Dallas, Texas, I doubt I would have had the courage to move to L.A. by myself. My desire to go to New York took a decade to materialize, and it was only because of a job opportunity that I eventually left. This girl, along with her 3-year-old sister [Jayne Marie Mansfield], decided to journey to California. The husband said goodbye, but she persisted, saying, “I’m doing this.” I find myself admiring her as a superhero, thinking I might not have had the same strength.

The process of making this film has been a profound experience for me and has significantly changed my perspective on events. Initially, I approached the project with preconceived notions about Nelson [Mansfield’s husband] and his supposed abandonment of me and my mother, as well as his knowledge of her pregnancy. However, upon further exploration, I came to realize that he made the right choice. He made the ultimate sacrifice for me.

How did you talk about this experience and this journey with your own kids?

Initially, they observed every step of my journey. They were puzzled when I referred to Nelson as a family member, even someone like a second parent. Their confusion deepened when I explained the complexities of my life, including the revelation that the person I admired and aspired to be like, was not my biological father. This discovery at age 25 felt like a betrayal to me. However, over time, I have come to accept Mickey Hargitay as my father, regardless. I want my children to understand that secrets should not hinder them, and they should always strive for truth and transparency in their lives.

Inquire about a conversation you had with Raymond “Rusty” Strait, your mother’s press secretary. He wrote a book exposing the truth about your father. You asked him if he believed it was his story to share, and he affirmed it. Can you describe that experience from your perspective?

The interview I had was significantly challenging compared to other scenes in the movie. It stirred up a multitude of emotions within me, primarily anger. I felt compelled to shield her [Mansfield] from him because it seemed he failed to protect her. He claimed to love her, yet shortly after her death, he wrote “The Tragic Secret Life of Jayne Mansfield.” These two events have been difficult for me to reconcile even now. What’s troubling for me is discovering many inaccuracies in the book that I know are untrue. If you’re going to write a biography about someone, shouldn’t you make every effort to verify the facts? That interview was particularly tough on me because I didn’t receive the answers I had hoped for. As a rule, my job is to give people the benefit of the doubt and try to empathize; that’s what I attempted to do. However, he deceived not just my mother but also my entire family.

Remarkably, despite being in existence for so long, the tale miraculously remained untouched until I stumbled upon it at age 25. Unbelievable! It was even more astounding when I encountered Nelson at age 30, and yet none of his family, my sisters, friends, or even my older sister Jayne Marie and younger brother Tony were aware of it. To me, this can only be explained as divine intervention.

It gave me quite a surprise to notice the crane transporting your mom’s piano into your apartment in Manhattan. I’m curious, how has it felt to own such an instrument now?

The most joyous day of my life felt like a recovery process. I was essentially retrieving a fragment of my mother. Moreover, there was a part of me exclaiming, “Who is this extraordinary individual I married? What remarkable human being did I commit to? I can hardly grasp that I was at the front when God distributed husbands.

As a film enthusiast, I found myself uttering something along the lines of, “Guys, this doesn’t seem right, even from a physics standpoint.” Over and over again, I tried to reassure myself: “Marish, Marish, they pull off stunts like this often. This isn’t their first barbecue.” Never have I been on the edge of my seat quite so much, yet it was nothing short of thrilling.

Do you think you’ll see your mother again?

When I go to heaven? Assuming I get in?

Wherever.

Absolutely,

Indeed, I didn’t include this in the film, and my editor nearly lost his patience as I informed him at the last minute — you never know when memories surface unexpectedly. I had an enchanting dream, a rare occurrence about her, except for one time. At that point, I was still residing in the house my father constructed on Warbler Way. In this dream, she visited my house, and I responded with surprise and delight, “What? Hi!” I expressed my joy at her presence, saying, “I’m overjoyed you’re here. I can hardly believe it.” Then I asked her to descend to the lower level so she could see the photos of her adorning the walls, but she never did. All I recall is pleading, “Please, I truly want to share these with you.” She responded, “I cannot, I must leave.” What remains vivid in my mind is the happiness I felt upon seeing her and meeting her, though it’s also intriguing that she didn’t descend to see the photos. Perhaps I’ll dream about her again soon. I certainly hope so.

I’m wondering if any of this has an impact on the character Olivia Benson, and do you think you’re revitalizing the character of Mariska Hargitay in that role?

Absolutely, I concur. I’ve made no secret of it before, but Kelli Giddish is indeed one of my dearest friends. She was deeply touched by the experience. The “SVU” team shared in my journey because I was working on the documentary while filming. For the past two years, I’ve been juggling flights and editing late into the night and on weekends. Kelli eagerly anticipates acting alongside Mariska, as she put it. The burden of carrying everyone’s story and my own has felt incredibly heavy, but now I feel a newfound freedom. There’s an immense feeling of tranquility, serenity, and rejuvenation that comes with it.

In the movie, it seems as though your final comments were penned as if in a letter to your mom. Can you share some insights into the process of composing those words? Were they effortlessly flowing or did they require more thought?

They chose to do it as truth demanded. It was more about granting myself the freedom and approval to experience those emotions. I simply walked into the recording studio alone, began speaking without a premeditated plan. What came out wasn’t scripted. The film shares similarities with this approach.

Among my preferred documentarians is Davis Guggenheim. I was considering potential directors for the project, and his work on “Still” particularly caught my attention. He had mentioned that he owned Michael J. Fox’s book and suggested I write it first. My response was something like, “Thank you so much, but it’s not going to happen.” I told Mariska Hargitay, “You’re on your own with this one; you’re doing it your way.” At the time, it wasn’t a book I planned to write, but recently, I find myself thinking about writing a book. As I share this story, various other stories have come to mind, and I’ve started connecting dots, such as “Ah, that’s what that was about,” or “Now I understand why that happened.” There’s so much untold material; I could make at least five more movies, possibly some short films too.

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2025-06-27 13:34

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