Musician reveals she was in an emotionally ‘abusive’ relationship with huge US rock star: ‘I couldn’t wear certain underwear on tour’

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The singer of a well-known Los Angeles band has shared a disturbing account of what she claims was an abusive relationship with an American rock musician.

Dorothy Martin, the singer for the band Dorothy, says she was previously in a difficult partnership with a famous, and cruel, musician from another well-known band.

The 39-year-old singer told the Daily Mail that although she’s not allowed to publicly identify the person who allegedly abused her, she wants to support other women by talking about what happened to her.

Dorothy describes her past secret relationship as a time filled with excitement, success, and a sense of liberation.

However, she says that privately, she was struggling with a very damaging relationship with a man who held a lot of power.

‘He was… famous and successful. I won’t say his name because this isn’t about him,’ she says.

‘This is about giving survivors the strength to leave and recover from abuse,’ she adds.

Dorothy explains that people often imagine her life when she’s not performing is glamorous and eventful, but actually, it’s quite the opposite.

Instead, she became trapped in a relationship where she was emotionally abused, leaving her deeply hurt and broken.

She realized something was wrong because his words didn’t match his behavior. He manipulated and lied to confuse her and make her doubt herself.

He initially won me over with promises of love and a shared future, but after I began to trust him, he became dismissive and hurtful.

‘The emotional and psychological abuse wrecked my nervous system.’   

The singer says toxic partners often don’t show their true colours straight away.

‘They mirror you, love-bomb you and get you hooked,’ she says. 

Join the discussion

It’s common for people to overlook the first hints of emotional abuse in a relationship. What causes this, and what can we do to help people recognize these warning signs?

What’s your view?

I’ve noticed a pattern with these types of people – they’re immediately drawn to anyone kind and genuinely warm. It’s like they’re attracted to a light, but then they slowly start to take and take until you’re completely exhausted. It’s incredibly draining, honestly, like they’re sucking the life out of you.

Looking back, Dorothy admits there were glaring red flags she wishes she had spotted sooner.

She says her ex-husband confessed to terrible behavior during his first marriage, but always justified it with excuses.

Looking back, his attempts to damage his ex-partner’s reputation were a huge warning sign that I should have paid more attention to.

She also warns that controlling behaviour can creep in slowly until it feels normal.

Dorothy shared that her ex-boyfriend was incredibly controlling, even dictating what she could wear underneath her clothes, even when she was on tour with her band and he wasn’t with her.

She explained that she wasn’t allowed to have male friends and was even restricted from wearing specific types of underwear while on tour.

‘That kind of control slowly becomes normalised.’

The turning point came in a chilling moment she says she will never forget. 

Looking back, it’s amazing how clearly things became during that time – it really felt like a series of little miracles guiding me. I’ll never forget the exact moment I knew it was all over, and I could finally move forward.

I was on the floor, sobbing while packing, and he stood in the doorway with a smug look on his face.

Watching him take pleasure in hurting me was the last thing I could handle, and I realized I needed to get out. I ordered an Uber and left right away.

‘I had all my belongings moved out shortly after that. 

He pretended to be religious and spiritual to control me, but I believe God stepped in and kept me safe. My faith helped me find the courage to get away.

Dorothy claims the ordeal had a devastating impact on her mental health.

I was incredibly stressed, and it showed – my face became swollen, and some days I just couldn’t get up. Being in a constant state of high alert completely exhausted me.

After finally breaking free, she began the slow process of rebuilding her life. 

It was a painful experience, like mourning someone who had passed away. I was heartbroken not only for the person I believed he was, but also for the future we had planned together. Cutting off all contact was absolutely necessary for me to heal.

Dorothy is now dedicated to helping other women escape abusive relationships and build new lives for themselves.

‘Leaving an abuser is one of the hardest things and most important things you’ll do,’ she says.

It’s common to feel lost or confused after abuse, because abusers often make their victims believe they are at fault. Be kind to yourself, and when you’re ready, plan a safe and careful way to leave the situation.

‘Have an exit plan and don’t announce it. Trust the pattern, not their words.

If you’re a person of faith, I think a truly powerful prayer is simply asking God to either take someone out of your life, or to remove you from theirs, if that person wasn’t meant to be there.

‘You don’t have to deal with leaving the relationship alone, even if it feels that way. 

Talk to someone you trust – a friend, family member, or a support service – and together, figure out the safest way to leave the situation.

There’s support available if you’re in this situation, and reaching out is often the crucial first move to getting safe.

Dorothy wants women to know they are loved, valuable, and deserve the best. She encourages them not to be afraid to leave situations that aren’t good for them.

Dorothy is a Los Angeles rock band led by its Hungarian-born singer and songwriter, who started the group in 2014.

Oh my gosh, Dorothy is just… incredible! Her voice is so raw and bluesy, but then she just rocks out – it’s totally fearless. And her albums? Seriously, ROCKISDEAD blew me away, and Gifts From the Holy Ghost is just… perfect. I can’t stop listening!

If you’re experiencing domestic violence, help is available. You can call 1800RESPECT for support or find resources on the White Ribbon Australia website. If you’re in immediate danger, please call 000.

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2026-04-11 14:19