Madonna reveals she contemplated suicide during ‘painful’ custody battle over son Rocco Ritchie as she admits it left her ‘sobbing in her dressing room’ in first ever podcast interview

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Madonna has shared that she considered taking her own life while going through the difficult and ‘painful’ legal fight to determine custody of her son, Rocco Ritchie. She admitted that the situation often left her ‘sobbing in her dressing room.’

The 67-year-old Queen of Pop recently had her first-ever podcast conversation on On Purpose with Jay Shetty. During the two-hour discussion, she shared how her spirituality has helped her through challenging times in her life.

In 2016, Madonna and her ex-husband, Guy Ritchie, were involved in a legal dispute over their son, Rocco, who was 16 years old. This happened after Rocco decided to stop traveling with Madonna on her Rebel Heart Tour and instead move to London to live with his father.

Initially, Madonna had full custody of her son. However, after a long and difficult legal battle, they reached an agreement allowing Rocco to continue living in the UK.

In her first interview in nine years, singer Madonna revealed she was struggling before embarking on a path of spiritual discovery. She described feeling like she was suffering prior to beginning this journey.

She shared that she experienced incredibly difficult times, stating, ‘There were moments in my life I wanted to cut my arms off… I actually contemplated suicide,’ she said.

One of the most difficult times in my life, a moment where I was completely overwhelmed and couldn’t see the bigger picture, was going through a custody battle for my son. It was truly a painful experience.

Although my marriage ended in divorce…it’s true that many marriages don’t last. People often marry someone they aren’t compatible with, or they simply aren’t a good fit for each other. The thought of someone trying to take my child from me felt devastating – it was like they might as well take my life.

That’s exactly what I was feeling. I was touring then, which meant performing on stage each night, but I’d spend my time off completely devastated. I’d be lying on the floor of my dressing room, crying uncontrollably. It honestly felt like everything was falling apart, and I genuinely couldn’t cope. I just couldn’t handle it.

Madonna, who separated from Rocco’s father, Guy Ritchie, in 2008, has stated that she and her son are now close and friendly. She also believes her faith helped her cope with the challenging period following their split.

I remember her saying, ‘But I’m so grateful I don’t feel like that anymore… I’m truly happy to say I have a really good relationship with my son now, even though I couldn’t see that at the time. I honestly thought everything was falling apart. So, thankfully, I had my faith to get me through.’ It really resonated with me, and I’ve thought about it often. Being grateful for that spiritual foundation feels important.

Oh my gosh, she *finally* talked about her brother, Christopher! It absolutely broke my heart to hear it. Apparently, she’s been dealing with so much pain since he passed away in June 2024 – he lost his battle with throat cancer, can you believe it? And the sweetest thing? She wrote a song for him! A whole song as a tribute! I’m already crying just thinking about hearing it. It’s just… everything. I need to listen to it the second it’s released. I’m so proud of her for turning her grief into something beautiful.

She explained that harboring resentment, feeling animosity towards someone, or wishing harm upon them is like a destructive force, similar to poison or cancer.

That’s why learning to forgive those we see as our greatest adversaries is so crucial. For me, that person was my brother, and he recently passed away.

It’s most painful when someone close to you betrays your trust. Those you consider your strongest supporters can sometimes be the ones who cause you the deepest hurt. Essentially, the people we love the most have the power to inflict the greatest pain.

I was really surprised to hear that even Madonna had a tough time when her brother contacted her while he was sick. She actually said she was hesitant to try and reconnect with him, even then. It just shows that family relationships can be complicated, no matter who you are. It’s a really honest admission, and I admire her for sharing that. I guess even pop icons aren’t immune to those kinds of feelings. You can read more about it here, if you’re interested.

She explained that she went three years without speaking to her brother – a very long time. What finally changed things was his illness and a plea for help. He reached out and said, ‘I need your help,‘ which led her to question, ‘Am I going to help someone who has hurt me?‘ Ultimately, she decided to do so.

It felt like a huge relief, a heavy burden lifted. Being able to finally be with him, to hold his hand, and tell him ‘I love you and I forgive you’ – even knowing he was dying – meant so much. That was really important.”

During the interview, Madonna also discussed how she found the Kabbalah religion in 1996, when she was at the peak of her career. She explained that it gave her the strength to focus her goals and live a life with deeper meaning, going beyond just fame and public attention.

The star has recently introduced The Mystical Studies of the Zohar, a new learning program led by Kabbalah instructor, Eitan Yardeni.

During the extensive conversation, the mother of six highlighted that her faith doesn’t support her when things are going well, but rather helps her through difficult times.

She stated that a spiritual life is essential for achieving success. According to her, ‘Success is having a spiritual life, period.’ She emphasized that her own accomplishments wouldn’t have been possible without it, saying, ‘I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have one.’

I truly believe the most important question we can ask ourselves is, ‘What have I done for others?’ It’s honestly the only measure of success that really matters, as far as I’m concerned. I’ve always thought of it like this: the greatest impact you can make, the most light you can bring, is always found where there’s the most darkness. That’s where you can really reveal your true potential and make a difference.

It’s natural to switch on a light when you’re in a dark space. But if a room is already well-lit, you don’t really need to do anything, do you? So, the question is, should we actively seek out darkness?

You don’t really need spiritual wisdom when life is easy. It becomes valuable when you face challenges, but also when you’re experiencing joy.

She went on to say: ‘It’s good to keep in mind that things can change at any time, in any moment. Don’t take anything for granted, and approach life with humility. Radical acceptance simply means acknowledging that whatever is happening is meant to be, and trusting that you’ll be alright.’

Kabbalah is a Jewish mystical philosophy and a way of interpreting the world, focusing on the hidden meanings behind God, how things were created, and the universe itself. It explores the symbolic and esoteric aspects of these concepts.

Its principles are based on ideas like the Sefirot (which are divine emanations) and the Tree of Life. Together, these concepts aim to help people better understand the divine and strengthen their connection with God.

Listen to the full interview on the On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for help. In the US, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. If you’re in the UK, you can contact Samaritans by calling 116 123, visiting samaritans.org, or checking out www.thecalmzone.net/get-support.

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2025-09-29 20:20