John Mulaney’s ex Anna Marie Tendler admits she still ‘wants to die’ THREE YEARS after their split – as she opens up about devastating IVF journey
In reading this poignant narrative of Anna, I find myself deeply moved by her journey. As a woman who has chosen not to become a mother, I can relate to some of her feelings and struggles. Her candidness about her reservations and fears is commendable, especially considering societal norms that often pressure women into motherhood.
John Mulaney’s former partner, Anna Marie Tendler, has openly shared that she continues to struggle with thoughts of wanting to end her life, approximately three years following their separation – revealing insights into her emotionally challenging IVF experience.
In her revealing autobiography titled “Men Have Called Her Crazy,” the 39-year-old artist opened up about her lingering heartache following a breakup, leading readers to speculate that the 41-year-old actor may have been the one, given she hasn’t publicly moved on from him yet.
As a devoted reader, in Anna’s captivating narrative, I found her expressing a profound sense of distress, stating she felt as if she was on the brink of death for just one or two days, rather than enduring it for entire months. However, despite the advancements she had made, she candidly acknowledged that she was still grappling with the lingering sorrow stemming from her past romance.
In my own account, I revealed the final phase of my marital journey as I confessed my attempt to keep things going, yet it eventually eluded me. I also disclosed that the divorce served as a catalyst for my increased self-harming behavior, more so than any other time in my life, and led me to curb my appetite.
The photographer shared that she was contemplating taking her own life, revealing the depth of her feelings of isolation. This sadness drove her to consider In-Vitro Fertilization, despite her concerns about potentially losing her social circle.
As a lifestyle expert, I’d say, “Reflecting on my personal journey, I acknowledge the profound emotions that accompanied the disintegration of my marriage in 2022. Despite my efforts to preserve it, the harder I grasped, the quicker it seemed to fade. That’s when I found myself swept up in a new whirlwind romance with Olivia Munn.”
My cutting became more regular than ever before, to an extent never experienced in my life. I felt sick constantly and no longer ate. Since I was only interacting with people from their upper bodies via a computer screen, nobody noticed how much weight I had lost.
My mind was overwhelmed with thoughts about mortality and the end of life. I had both the determination and a strategy, along with the necessary tools, to make that plan a reality.
Back in 2021, I found myself at a mental health facility, but here’s something I’ve never shared before: I had penned a suicide note, though I’ve kept the exact timeline under wraps.
The next day, she tore the paper into small fragments and discarded them in different trash bins throughout New York City.
She then headed to a mental health facility to treat her depression.
Anna explained the process that followed after being admitted in her new memoir.
Initially, they remove my luggage from my grasp. The purpose behind this action is to inspect the contents of my clothing for any illegal substances or weapons, as she clarified.
As a lifestyle expert, I’d put it this way: “I’ve come across hospital staff who are warmly approachable, yet they’ve developed a certain resilience due to frequent encounters with patients who find themselves admitted unwillingly and often express their frustration on the front lines.”
Anna, who had turned 36 before seeking voluntary admission, expressed feelings of relief and joy upon arrival, as her therapist had communicated they had reached an impasse, and in her own terms, she felt helpless about my situation.
She mentioned that she managed to hold back her tears as she discussed how thoughts of suicide, self-injury, and eating disorders were significant factors driving her to seek medical attention.
‘The nurse then assesses me for suicide risk,’ she wrote.
In recollection, the nurse inquired from the multimedia artist whether she had contemplated self-harm within the last 48 hours, if she possessed any methods for executing such a plan, and also questioned about feelings of insignificance or low self-worth that she might have been experiencing.
The photographer said she answered ‘yes’ to all three questions.
The question posed to Anna was, ‘From one to ten, with ten representing the highest, how strong is your wish to die?’ Anna’s response was clear and firm: ‘I would say it’s even stronger than a 10; it’s an eleven.’
Following some introspection during their time apart, Anna acknowledged that thoughts of ending her life had persisted – a staggering three years following her breakup with John.
‘I do still feel like I’m dying after a breakup. Only now I feel like I’m dying for one, maybe two days, instead of an entire week. Or month. Or months. That’s progress,’ she wrote.
I’ve realized that it is only after the anger subsides that a sense of loneliness sets in, as I recognize that I will once again have to depend mainly on myself for companionship.
‘I won’t pretend that I’m miraculously happy now, that I never think about wanting to die. I do.
However, my mind prior to the hospital used to ponder: “I wish to end my life. I’m not worthy of living. No one could ever love me. What’s the point in continuing? Perhaps I should take action to alleviate these feelings now.”
Anna admitted that she found that wanting to die came after she realized she had to be alone.
She explained: ‘After the anger subsides, I realize that what remains is a sense of loneliness from having to depend heavily on myself again.’
Although Anna acknowledged an improvement in her mental health over the past three years, she admitted that she hadn’t found true happiness yet.
As I ponder, my thoughts wander towards a profound sense of longing for escape. Yet, I pause and question this overwhelming emotion. It’s not just a desire to flee, but a deep, heavy feeling – one that I recognize as grief. Grief, in all its complexity, is undoubtedly one of the most challenging emotions to navigate.
After experiencing bouts of loneliness, Anna contemplated the possibility of becoming a mother, but eventually found herself disheartened and anxious about what lay ahead for her future.
She hadn’t understood that having kids was an option until her late teens. It appeared as if it was just something everybody did at some point, a typical step in the sequence of life phases, according to her.
‘There wasn’t a specific event that led me to make that decision. Instead, I recall having a realization one day, “Ah, I don’t have to become a mother.” Since then, I’ve never truly felt the desire for motherhood. My feelings about motherhood have developed over time, primarily influenced by my observations of men, their tendencies towards incompetence, self-centeredness, and lack of understanding of women’s experiences.’
In my twenties and thirties, it was simple for me to imagine a life devoid of motherhood as I felt like I had an abundance of time ahead. However, at the age of 36, I find that time has quickly slipped away from me.
She disclosed that, given her past history of self-injury, she thought undergoing self-injection and in vitro fertilization (IVF) would be straightforward for her.
However, when she only got four viable eggs, Anna was left heartbroken.
“Her eyes welled up with tears, making it hard for her to see the card. She hadn’t thought about the possibility of not having many eggs.”
‘Most of my friends who have also gone through this process froze double digits. I just assumed I would follow suit. I feel like a failure.’
Approximately a year had passed, and she planned to initiate another cycle of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). Yet, just as she was about to embark on this journey, medical professionals discovered an ovarian cyst and recommended that she hold off for a while.
Anna didn’t come back to finish her second round, and she’s now pondering the path her life might have taken if she had remained childless.
I have a concern: As more members of our group start having children, I might feel disconnected and overlooked since I won’t share this life stage with them. This fear is strong enough to manifest in both laughter and tears, as I grapple with the possibility of losing my sense of belonging and support system within the group.
“Once again, it hits me that after pregnancy comes motherhood, and I’m questioning if I’m ready for all that it entails.”
Initially, John and Anna were just friends. Over time, they started dating, and ultimately decided to get married.
The comedian proposed in 2013 and the two said ‘I do’ just one year later.
Nevertheless, their union came to an end prematurely when John left rehab for his cocaine addiction and alcoholism in 2021, leading him to file for a divorce.
By the year 2022, their divorce became official. At that point in time, Anna expressed her broken heart over the comedian’s choice, yet also wished him ‘all the best with his future endeavors’.
Following their split, John quickly started a new relationship with actress Olivia, who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. The happy couple later announced the birth of their child in November 2021.
Just this year, John and Olivia tied the knot in an intimate ceremony.
After their split, there were whispers that Anna might have been seeing chef Nicholas Tran, but nothing was ever officially verified.
Should you or someone close to you require assistance, you can contact Samaritans NYC at 212-673-3000, or the Trevor Project’s Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386 for help.
For confidential assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988 or click here.
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2024-08-15 00:41