It’s got sticky carpets, cheap shots and naff 80s decor. So why do Hollywood royalty keep flocking to this cheesy suburban nightclub? ROBERT HARDMAN learns first-hand what all the fuss is about (and even takes to the dance podium!)

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The song “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)” by ABBA is playing, and even though it’s only 11:45 PM, the place is starting to get crowded. The decorations, like the music, remind me of the Seventies and Eighties – a comfortably nostalgic feeling for someone like me who grew up during that time.

It’s just…nobody here *gets* it, you know? I mean, I’m surrounded by these kids, most of them around 23, and they’re all out having the same kind of fun their parents or even *grandparents* used to have. It’s like they haven’t discovered anything new! It’s frustrating because I feel like I’m the only one who remembers how things *used* to be.

London’s nightlife tells the story of its social scene and celebrity culture over the years. Popular clubs have come and gone with changing trends. In the past, the fashionable elite would gather at places like Annabel’s (often with Prince Charles and Princess Diana) or Tramp (frequented by Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson). More recently, Princes William and Harry and their friends favored clubs like the 151 Club or Mahiki in Kensington and Chelsea, or the Ministry of Sound near Waterloo.

Recently, the trendiest areas in the city have moved from the West to more up-and-coming neighborhoods in the East and North, such as Clerkenwell and Camden.

As a lifestyle expert, I’ve seen trends come and go, but there’s something special about a place that just *is*. That’s Infernos, a nightclub in South London. It’s never tried to be ‘cool’ or follow the latest scene – and honestly, that’s why it’s still thriving. It’s always just been itself, and people appreciate that authenticity.

Let’s be honest, people often describe Infernos as delightfully ‘cheesy’ – and they mean it as a compliment! It’s a bit like that classic story of the tortoise and the hare; it’s not fancy, think cruise ship vibes and plenty of carpet, but it just keeps going. They know, without fail, that every weekend around 1,500 people will suddenly decide they need a night out with drinks and dancing, and Infernos is *always* there for them. It’s a reliable good time, plain and simple.

It’s been exciting to learn that some well-known people have been visiting! Earlier this month, fans were thrilled to discover Lola Tung, the star of the popular Amazon Prime series *The Summer I Turned Pretty*, was here. The show is so successful that it’s now being adapted into a movie.

While all of Hollywood was buzzing about her, where was Miss Tung? Not in New York, Cannes, or Beverly Hills – she was actually at Infernos in Clapham, dancing to classic songs.

Someone at the club was so surprised to see her on the dance floor that they asked for a selfie, which she happily took. A staff member explained that she waited in line just like everyone else, emphasizing that everyone is treated equally there.

Margot Robbie, the famous actress and producer of the hit movie Barbie (and an Oscar nominee for her work on it), is also known for occasionally trading glamorous events for a night out at Infernos nightclub. Forbes recently named her the world’s highest-paid actress, so what attracts her to this converted cinema in Clapham?

She described the club scene as chaotic, with everyone sweaty and disheveled. She explained that she and her husband, who grew up in Surrey, used to live nearby. She joked that by the time she arrived at Infernos, she looked so messy that no one would notice her.

When I got there, people didn’t seem overly drunk or tired, but the night was just getting started. Most of the customers looked like young professionals, with a few well-off college students mixed in.

It’s not the cheapest place, but prices aren’t as high as you’d find in the West End. Entry costs £13, or £12 if you get there before midnight. You can expect to pay around £6.60 for a beer, £7.95 for a vodka and tonic, £12.90 for a margarita, and £25 for five shots.

Okay, so I’m totally out of the loop when it comes to nightclubs these days, so I begged my nephew Tom – he’s 23 and knows *everything* – and his friends to fill me in. As a thank you, I went all out and got us a ‘VIP booth’ – seriously, it’s amazing! It’s basically our own little table overlooking the dance floor, complete with a velvet rope – so fancy! – but I have a feeling things are going to get a little expensive up there.

As a regular, I have to say the drinks service here is something else! They have Grey Goose vodka, and a bottle will set you back £195 – mixers are included, thankfully. It actually makes their champagne, at £95 a bottle, feel like a really good deal!

A line of people stretches down the street outside, but it’s moving quickly. What draws people in? Andrew, a 23-year-old trainee accountant, admits it’s a bit cheesy, but says that’s part of the fun. Unlike other clubs that host specific DJs or themed nights, this club consistently plays retro music, even if it’s familiar. It doesn’t try to be something it’s not, a fact reflected in its website which playfully acknowledges its famously patterned carpets. While most clubs would avoid such a design – especially considering spilled drinks – this club has intentionally kept the same swirling carpet pattern for years.

I’m trying to speak over the loud music – I remember Cyndi Lauper’s ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’ was popular when I took a year off before starting university.

This place isn’t trying to be trendy or cutting-edge, and that’s exactly what makes it appealing. A staff member explained they’re aiming for a simply ‘feelgood’ atmosphere, wanting people to be happy and energetic – with upbeat music from all different eras.

Izzy, a 22-year-old trainee accountant, admits the place isn’t fancy, but emphasizes it feels secure. She appreciates that it avoids the unpleasant atmosphere found in some clubs, where men might make unwanted advances and show off money. She describes this club as well-managed and safe.

The bar runs smoothly, with quick service, and the restrooms, though basic, are clean enough. Staff are attentive and visible in their pink vests, quickly addressing any issues – like when a customer decided to remove his shirt. They swiftly and efficiently dealt with the situation, even though it wasn’t a major disturbance.

Around 1 a.m., I went upstairs and found another dance floor – the same one that appeared in the movie *The Inbetweeners*. I also saw signs pointing to the smoking area, which surprised me, as those are becoming rare. There, I met Phoebe and her friend Cameron, who had come from the countryside of Surrey for a night out. Both were wearing little black dresses and told me they felt safe and comfortable at this club.

Cameron, who is transgender, feels safe and relaxed here. She says there are no problems, although she thinks the atmosphere is a little geared towards younger people. She’s 24 herself, and jokes that she’s probably older than most of the patrons, but everyone is too polite to point it out.

While we were relaxing in our VIP area, my nephew and his friends spotted a real celebrity! It was Freddie Browne, a star from the reality TV show *Made In Chelsea*, and he was at the club as a representative for Infernos.

Mr. Browne explains that most of the people who came out tonight didn’t originally intend to visit this club, but somehow ended up here. He adds that celebrities appreciate this club because it offers privacy – recently, the entire cast of a Netflix series came in and wasn’t disturbed by anyone.

ABBA’s “Voulez-Vous” is playing, and a burst of dry ice signals a shower of balloons. It’s incredibly Eighties, so my friends insist I dance on one of the platforms. I braced myself for boos from the crowd, but surprisingly, I got a few cheers – though I couldn’t tell if they were genuine or just polite.

Infernos nightclub is now well-established, and its owners are too. This year, it’s celebrating 40 years as a nightclub. Originally built as the Majestic Cinema in 1914, the building even survived both World Wars before becoming a recording studio in the 1960s.

Back in the day, the venue hosted famous acts like the Sex Pistols and Brian Eno. It later became a nightclub called Cinatras in 1985. In 2003, Olly Bengough and Alex Rutherford, two young entrepreneurs, bought it through their new company, Mint Group, and they’ve been running it ever since.

Leaving the club-the dance floor was packed and everyone was jumping to Taylor Swift’s ‘Shake It Off’-I quickly asked one last group of people what made them decide to come out tonight.

“I’m not quite sure why,” explains 28-year-old charity worker Louise. “It’s just a place people find themselves, but you know you’ll always return.” The same goes for the celebrities who prefer to stay out of the spotlight.

I still remember hearing about Harrison Ford taking a family canal boat holiday in North Wales back in 2004! It’s such a funny story – apparently, nobody even recognized him. I mean, who would expect to see *the* Harrison Ford quietly steering a barge along the Llangollen Canal? He was just left to enjoy his holiday in peace, which is lovely, really.

Remember that the next time you see Taylor Swift on the dancefloor at Infernos.

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2025-09-29 03:49