In Surviving Mormonism With Heather Gay, A Reality Star Takes On the Tradwife Propaganda Machine

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A particular image of motherhood, often associated with Utah and the Mormon faith, is becoming increasingly prominent online. What started with early “mommy blogs” has exploded on platforms like Instagram and TikTok, creating a trend of carefully curated family life. Hannah Neeleman, a Utah mother of eight known as Ballerina Farm on social media, is a prime example, building a large following and a substantial lifestyle brand. This trend is also reflected in the popularity of shows like Hulu’s The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, which follows a group of young Mormon mothers and their personal lives, and has launched cast members into the spotlight with book deals and television appearances, including a future contestant on The Bachelorette.

Ahead of the third season of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City premiering on Thursday, Heather Gay is sharing her perspective. Known from the Bravo show and her memoirs, Bad Mormon and Good Time Girl, Gay left the LDS Church after a divorce and has become a prominent critic. Her new three-part documentary, Surviving Mormonism With Heather Gay, now available on Peacock, doesn’t directly target influencers promoting traditional wifehood, but rather the way their seemingly harmless content subtly promotes a church Gay believes is hiding troubling secrets. Despite some lighthearted moments from RHOSLC, the documentary powerfully features interviews with people who claim to be victims of homophobia and abuse, revealing the darker side of the idealized “Mormon wife” image.

Each episode of Surviving Mormonism centers around a detailed conversation with someone who believes the LDS Church let them down and has evidence to support that feeling. The first featured individual is David Matheson, who used to strongly advocate for and practice gay conversion therapy. After many years of trying to change his sexual orientation in line with church teachings, he ended his marriage, left Mormonism, and came out as gay. Watching an old recruitment video, Matheson reflects on the audacity of believing sexual orientation is something that needs to be fixed. He and the host, Gay, discuss the flawed psychology behind the Church’s promotion of conversion programs. Matheson explains that the core idea was that gay men were seen as lacking personal power. He also shares a common sentiment throughout the series: many Mormons stay within the community, even when facing hardship, because Mormonism has been their entire world since childhood, and the thought of a life outside of it feels impossible.

Dr. Matheson is a complex figure, wrestling with both anger towards the Mormon Church and regret over the questionable treatments he administered. Other interviews in the series are simply devastating. One man, Ben, recounts horrific sexual abuse starting at age four by a fellow member of his local congregation. Two sisters, Jennie and Lizzy, share that their now-imprisoned father’s abuse has shadowed their entire lives. In both instances, the survivors claim they reported the abuse to Mormon leaders, who allegedly didn’t contact the police and instead seemed more concerned with protecting the Church and the accused. (The sisters later sued and reached a settlement with the Church.) Ben’s abuser wasn’t removed from the Church until 2019, after another alleged victim filed a lawsuit that was also settled.

The documentary Surviving Mormonism relies heavily on detailed cases, likely because of readily available documentation, but struggles to broaden its criticism beyond them. While accounts from current and former Mormons suggest these stories – like those of Matheson, Ben, and Jennie and Lizzy – aren’t isolated incidents, the film presents them quickly, feeling more like evidence than in-depth portraits of individuals. Similarly, segments explaining the Church’s history, beliefs, and financial practices (including tithing) are short, possibly to keep viewers engaged after the crossover with the reality show Below Deck.

Gay’s perspective is key to understanding the broader, restrictive religious environment described by those sharing their stories. She connects with their anxieties about leaving the Mormon Church, anxieties fueled by both religious teachings and social expectations. She openly discusses her own experiences as a teenager, admitting she once rationalized inappropriate behavior from a bishop and family friend. Gay, often the most level-headed voice on RHOSLC (which isn’t hard given her castmates), possesses a natural warmth, understanding, and humor that would make her a star on daytime talk shows. While filming her discussing Mormonism while driving feels a bit forced—like a way to get her out of the typical glamorous settings favored by reality stars—her genuine commitment to the topic shines through. Surviving Mormonism feels like more than just a way for her to expand her personal brand.

The show still presents some conflicting ideas. Unlike Mormon Wives, which playfully portrays young mothers embracing and satirizing traditional roles, RHOSLC doesn’t shy away from difficult topics. It doesn’t gloss over Jen Shah’s conflicts with the Mormon Church and the resulting family estrangement, or the painful excommunication of Whitney Rose. However, the show also presents a more relaxed view of Mormonism, with figures like Lisa Barlow, who combines faith with business ventures, and Britani Bateman, whose personal life and attitude towards alcohol often seem contradictory. This creates a complex and sometimes confusing portrayal of faith and lifestyle.

The growing presence of Mormonism in popular culture has created a perception of the religion similar to Catholicism, with followers ranging from deeply devoted to casually affiliated, and a history of concealing abuse that has damaged its reputation without destroying its core beliefs. However, the creator of this new series aims to go further, drawing inspiration from Leah Remini’s documentary on Scientology. While the series may not definitively label Mormonism as a cult, it effectively challenges the positive image often presented by members online and offers a counterpoint to the free publicity the Church receives. As one observer puts it, what makes Mormonism so unusual is that it’s a culture that can be both incredibly kind and deeply harmful.

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2025-11-12 23:08