If I Had Legs I’d Kick You Is Uncut Gems for Moms

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Raising children is incredibly challenging – anyone can see that, even without being a parent. It’s natural to wonder why babies cry, why toddlers don’t listen, and even to question your choices as a parent. Many mothers feel overwhelmed at times, but they often don’t share those feelings because motherhood is often seen as a perfect and sacred role. It’s hard to admit when you’re struggling with something that’s supposed to come naturally.

Mary Bronstein’s darkly funny film, *If I Had Legs I’d Kick You*, is a raw and honest look at the hidden anxieties of motherhood. Rose Byrne plays Linda, a therapist and mother in Montauk struggling to cope while her husband is away at sea. Her main challenge is caring for her young daughter, who is being treated for a puzzling illness that causes her to refuse food and rely on a feeding tube. We don’t see the daughter’s face until the end of the film (played by Delaney Quinn), and initially experience her only through her voice – a constant stream of demanding complaints. She whines about food, fixates on wanting a hamster for the wrong reasons, and makes a mess of her meals without actually eating. This daughter, whose name we never learn, feels like a draining force, radiating anxiety that impacts everyone around her. Yet, despite everything, her mother loves her deeply and desperately hopes for her recovery – as any mother would.

Linda was already struggling with a lot, and then her apartment sprung a huge leak, flooding the floor. Her daughter, who’s constantly complaining, dramatically asks if they’re going to drown. They end up at a motel run by a grumpy employee and a friendly, flirty handyman. All the while, Linda’s husband offers unhelpful advice over the phone but no real support. Linda is now a typical overwhelmed mom, but she’s starting to lose it and keeps making increasingly poor decisions.

Linda, struggling to care for her sick child, starts with quick escapes to the motel courtyard for cigarettes and wine, initially checking on her daughter using a baby monitor. Soon, she stops monitoring her daughter altogether, instead taking increasingly long walks, losing track of time. She’s preoccupied with a strange hole in the ceiling of her apartment – it seems to be growing and changing, almost like a living thing, and she hopes something – or someone – will communicate with her through it. Desperate for help, she seeks therapy, but even her therapist (played with dry wit by Conan O’Brien) seems uninterested in her problems. Ironically, Linda works as a therapist herself, and one of her patients is a new mother who is also overwhelmed, but by the opposite problem – she’s terrified of leaving her baby, who never seems to smile. This heartbreaking confession highlights the immense challenges of motherhood, leaving both women feeling lost and overwhelmed.

Bronstein skillfully builds tension throughout the film; *If I Had Legs I’d Kick You* feels like a mother’s take on the intense drama of *Uncut Gems*. (The director’s husband often works with the Safdie Brothers, and Josh Safdie helped produce this film.) The emotions Bronstein and Byrne portray feel powerfully authentic. For example, when Linda visits her daughter’s clinic, a doctor tries to reassure her that she isn’t to blame for her child’s illness, but delivers the message in a way that clearly implies the opposite. Bronstein, who plays the doctor, has explained that she drew on her own feelings of exhaustion, powerlessness, and loneliness while navigating a serious illness with her own child when writing *If I Had Legs*.

The film occasionally feels overly intimate, even unsettling. The beginning features extremely close-up shots of the main character, almost like an abstract painting, before gradually revealing the world around her. As the movie becomes more dreamlike and strange, it’s easy to become detached. However, the actress playing Linda is so compelling and relatable that we feel deeply connected to her struggles and understand why she’s unraveling. The question becomes whether we want to continue witnessing her descent, even when it seems inevitable. While *If I Had Legs I’d Kick You* isn’t relentlessly bleak – it has moments of dark humor – it’s ultimately a relief when the film ends. Seeing Linda grapple with her problems makes our own seem manageable in comparison.

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2025-10-10 15:06