I know exactly what’s wrong with Club Chalamet. This unhinged Timothée-obsessed creep is nearly 60… it’s time she grew up: KENNEDY

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What is it about beard-challenged Timothée Chalamet that drives cougars crazy?

As a devoted fan, I can’t help but notice the extraordinary appeal of rising star, Young Tim. His exceptional acting abilities and endearing youthfulness seem to push even typical fans like me into a realm of intense fascination.

As a devoted Chalamet admirer, I found myself utterly flabbergasted and slightly distraught when the news broke that my beloved Timothée was romantically linked with a Kardashian. It felt like a dagger through the heart!

But this superfan is not some crazed tween. 

She is Simone Cromer, a woman who is approximately 58 years old and could be Timothée’s mother. This lady relocated from Michigan to Los Angeles, which is quite convenient as it’s near where she has affection for.

Under her professional banner ‘Club Chalamet‘, both on X and Instagram, she persistently tracks ‘Timmy’, attending events such as red carpets and festivals. Her social media presence often displays a strong disdain towards the woman she refers to as ‘Slurpee’, criticizing her as fake and unhealthy.

In short: Cromer seems to hate Kylie Jenner.

In her contempt, she labels Jenner as someone who obsessively follows and craves attention excessively. She even censored the beauty entrepreneur’s face in images she posted to her 48,000 followers, pleading with the actor to end the relationship.

The reason for this is a deeply passionate affection towards him, ‘Timmy’, an obsession that can be traced back to when she first saw the 2017 movie “Call Me By Your Name”, where Chalamet portrayed a high school student.

Since then, Cromer has frequently expressed her admiration for Chalamet on social media platforms, often praising his handsome smile and sharing posts about him several times a week, or even daily.

She also purchased a long, velvet coat that was a match for the one he wore in “Wonka,” a film she watched no less than three times in the theater.

As a devoted admirer, I firmly believe that I played a part in making our encounter at the Coachella Music Festival in 2022 happen, not by magic or superstition, but through my strong desire and positive anticipation. I want to clarify that I am neither a clingy nor delusional fan, but simply someone who appreciates their work deeply. Unlike a parasocial relationship where boundaries are blurred, our interaction is rooted in mutual respect and admiration.

‘I’m happy to burst your bubble,’ she tells haters. ‘But please note he knows of me.’

Well, I’m happy to burst hers. He probably wishes he didn’t.

As a dedicated cinephile, I can wholeheartedly affirm that Cromer was not just anyone who appreciates movies, he lived and breathed them.

This woman seems to be plain nuts. 

Maybe understanding it requires having gone through similar experiences, such as my own not unfamiliar fascinations with well-known gentlemen.

In high school, as a senior, I had the chance to meet James Danforth Quayle for the first time. Back then, I was an active young Republican in Oregon, and I was invited to listen to him speak.

For those not familiar, he goes by Dan Quayle – the 44th Vice President of the U.S. – and it’s easy to understand why I find him fascinating. He is both strikingly intelligent and handsome.

In simple terms, in 1988, he became unexpectedly influential in politics when he was chosen as the vice presidential candidate for George H.W. Bush.

Swoon. 

Upon my initial encounter with him (which technically wasn’t a face-to-face meeting as such, but rather occurred during a speech where I sat in the front row, winking each time he caught my gaze), I was immediately impressed by his deep understanding of foreign policy, eloquent use of language, and captivating blue eyes.

Then, I got to interview him two years later at a campaign event in Orange County, California. 

In response to your question, Instead of directly interviewing him, I played a little trick when his campaign spokesperson announced ‘Last question!’ to the crowd of reporters. At that moment, I jokingly asked, “How do I look in purple?!

I had on a beautiful purple dress, with a matching shade of lipstick and hair color. Quayle stumbled over his words and said, “Wow, you really suit the purple look.

From that day, I was hooked.

You might express it as: “In essence, that was the initial unveiling of Club Quayle, but at the time, there were no social media platforms available for us to officially announce our existence.

In the same fervent spirit as a devoted fan cultivating a Club Chalamet-like obsession, I embarked on my own passionate quest centered around Quayle’s wife, Marilyn. For five long years, I boldly displayed in my personal sanctuary, not the official White House portrait of them, but one where her face was gracefully replaced with a likeness of mine.

30 years from now, I hope you’ll be pleased to know that I no longer hold on to life. I’ve ceased following Quayle’s every action and come to understand just how bizarre the whole situation was.

So, come on, Simone. You’re nearly sixty. Isn’t it time you reached a similar age of enlightenment?

 

Up in flames 

Participants at Burning Man endured an eight-hour traffic congestion and sought shelter within their recreational vehicles as a sandstorm reminiscent of the underworld swept across the Nevada desert festival during the past few days.

Instead, it seems that the exploration during their psychedelic experiences led to some confusion, as they struggled to locate their tents for a full day and a half.

 

Rome too far 

In Rome, it wasn’t Nicki Minaj who accompanied Kim Kardashian, but rather her daughter, North West, who caught everyone’s attention with her distinctive blue hair and unique fashion sense in a corset.

It’s understandable. The unconventional behavior of her father, who is often a subject of controversy, along with her always exposed stepmother might not be ideal role models. However, it’s important for this child to still learn boundaries and the concept of ‘No.’

 

Making a racket 

In simpler terms, due to a decrease in pro tennis earnings, Sachia Vickery, who ranks 509 globally, has supplemented her income by offering an exclusive content subscription on OnlyFans, which includes sharing a piece of herself (likely referring to photos or videos).

She shares partially revealing photos and foot images for a monthly fee of $12.99, but unfortunately, gentlemen, it won’t lead to successful matches. She expresses that asking for payment for dates crosses a boundary.

 

Daddy issues 

Zoe Kravitz is snacking at the man buffet. 

Following a brief taste shared with Austin Butler in Paris, she found herself sinking her teeth into Harry Styles during a romantic getaway in Rome.

It seems she’s head-over-heels for Butler and quite taken with Harry, who appears to resemble her father to her. Ugh! I can only hope Harry avoids wearing nothing beneath his leather trousers.

 

Royal pain

As an ardent admirer, I can’t help but empathize with Meghan Markle’s ongoing struggles adjusting to life as a royal. It seems she feels stifled and yearns for more freedom to express herself. The most disheartening aspect, in my opinion, is the requirement of wearing nude pantyhose, which I can only imagine must be a source of great discomfort for her. How she endures such apparent injustices remains a mystery to me!

Could you confirm for me that they were not controlling, because if so, this alone would be a strong justification for ending the relationship and dedicating oneself entirely to personal sacrifice.

 

Saving face 

Kris Jenner, 69, insists she’s ‘aging gracefully’.

Approaching a significant birthday, she decided to treat herself by updating her 15-year-old facelift with New York surgeon Dr. Steven Levine. He is renowned for making the Kardashian/Jenner family’s matriarch appear 30 years younger.

Since he can clearly work miracles, maybe he can nip and tuck Kanye West’s ego next.

 

Blurred lines 

As a devoted admirer, I can’t help but share the intriguing news that the renowned global icon and comedian, Will Smith, is rumored to have employed artificial intelligence to create an electrifying atmosphere during his latest concert tour. It’s fascinating to imagine how technology could enhance such a spectacular event!

In a bizarre spectacle drawing widespread attention online, there’s an individual exhibiting unclear facial features, possessing six digits on each hand, and experiencing visual glitches – aspects that leave many bewildered observers scratching their heads.

Guess the real fans of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air have disappeared into thin air.

 

You’re fired! 

There are some individuals who have expressed their intention to resign from Vanity Fair due to the potential decision to feature First Lady Melania Trump on the magazine’s cover.

One mid-level editor wailed, ‘If I have to work bagging groceries at Trader Joe’s, I’ll do it.’ 

Encourage firm action. Here’s hoping our new global editorial director, Mark Guiducci, ensures that those with liberal viewpoints fulfill their commitments.

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2025-08-29 04:20