How we remember our parents, and ourselves, is at the heart of Ben Stiller’s dreamlike documentary

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Ben Stiller’s new film, premiering Friday on Apple TV, is a touching and personal look at his parents, the comedic actors Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara. “Stiller & Meara: Nothing Is Lost” explores their lives and careers, but it’s also a story about Ben, his sister Amy, and his own experiences with family and fatherhood, seen through the eyes of his children and wife, Christine Taylor. While it’s a glimpse into the world of show business, the film’s themes of family and understanding your parents will resonate with anyone who has thought about their parents’ lives, especially after they’re gone.

Both Anne and Jerry dreamed of becoming actors – Anne was captivated by the work of Eleanora Duse and Stanislavski’s acting techniques, and Jerry had considered a career in comedy. They married in 1954, but their joint performing career didn’t truly begin until 1963, when they appeared on “The Ed Sullivan Show.” Their act often involved humorous scenarios, like two strangers meeting after an apocalypse or a mismatched couple brought together by a dating service. Jerry was a meticulous perfectionist who constantly rehearsed, while Anne had a natural comedic talent and a more spontaneous approach.

I’ve always been fascinated by the Stiller family, and what struck me most in learning about them wasn’t any dramatic dysfunction, but something much more relatable. They weren’t perfect, of course – like many families, their parents, Jerry and Anne, were often consumed by work, and Jerry struggled with Anne’s drinking at times. But it wasn’t anything that defined them. What really stood out was how different Jerry and Anne were. Ben explained it beautifully – his mom simply wanted personal happiness outside of performing, while his dad found joy in it. That difference created some tension, naturally, but they clearly loved each other deeply, and more importantly, they were devoted parents. They made it work for 62 years, remaining married until Anne passed away in 2015, and that’s truly remarkable.

The film begins with Ben and Amy Stiller returning to their childhood home on the Upper West Side to sort through their recently deceased father, Jerry’s, belongings before selling the apartment. They discover a vast collection of his life’s work – letters, journals, scripts, and manuscripts. Amy jokes that Jerry always hoped the Smithsonian would want his things after he was gone, suggesting his need to be remembered. Jerry compulsively documented their lives with film and tape, blurring the lines between performance and reality. Arguments often became a kind of routine, and it was sometimes hard to tell if a raised voice meant rehearsal or a real fight. One recurring bit was an escalating exchange of insults, starting with “I hated you before I met you,” and culminating in “I hated you before you were born.”

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Even approaching 60, Ben Stiller shows no signs of slowing down. He has a successful TV show, a documentary about his parents in the works, a World War II film project, and is even planning another ‘Meet the Parents’ sequel. As he puts it, ‘You only have so much time,’ so he’s making the most of it.

The duo stopped performing in nightclubs in 1970 – they said it was driving their partner crazy – but they didn’t disappear from public life. They made appearances on variety shows, game shows, and talk shows, and were surprisingly candid about their personal lives, providing inspiration for Ben Stiller’s film. They also both pursued acting careers, building up extensive lists of roles in movies and on stage. Jerry is now widely recognized for his work on “Seinfeld,” where he played Frank Costanza, and “The King of Queens,” appearing in almost 200 episodes.

A lot of Ben and Amy Affleck’s story comes down to being raised in the spotlight as the children of celebrities. Their family vacations often turned into work trips, and they grew up with constant public attention. A clip from “The Mike Douglas Show” shows them performing a rather noisy violin duet of “Chopsticks.” Even then, young Ben was interested in filmmaking. When asked if his parents would appear in his movies, he confidently replied that they wouldn’t, stating he preferred adventure or murder mysteries over comedies, which he disliked.

The documentary offers snapshots of Ben Stiller’s successful comedy career and honest reflections on his struggles as a father and husband. We hear from his children, Quinn and Ella, with funny and insightful perspectives, as well as his ex-wife, Taylor, with whom he later reconciled during the pandemic. What’s striking is the lack of bitterness; instead, Ben and Amy approach their parents with curiosity and self-awareness, recognizing that everyone – including their parents – is imperfect and that those imperfections are often passed down through generations.

Both Anne and Jerry had difficult pasts, always striving for something better. Playwright John Guare, who worked with Anne on an off-Broadway production of “The House of Blue Leaves,” observed this about them. Jerry’s father was discouraging of his dreams, asking him, “What makes you think you can be a performer like Eddie Cantor?” Anne, meanwhile, had experienced the tragedy of losing her mother to suicide. Later, Christopher Walken remarks to Ben, “Your father was a truly good man, you know.”

Stiller’s film feels like a piece of music. He carefully arranges clips and photos in a way that’s beautiful and evocative, rather than straightforward or factual. The film concludes with a touching conversation between Jerry and his elderly father, shown alongside a montage of family memories.

“Doesn’t this feel amazing, just being here?” Jerry asks. “When our time comes, we’ll face it together,” he adds.

Willie: “Yeah, OK, hold hands and everything else.”

“You’ll take me to shows again when we get up there?”

“Yeah, when I go I’ll take you any place. … What is this?”

This is a tape recorder. Anything you say into it gets recorded. Your voice will be preserved on the tape indefinitely – it’s a way to make sure you’re never truly forgotten.

And we see young Ben, filming a camera that’s filming him, as his father steps in behind him.

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2025-10-24 22:31