How Natasha Rothwell confronted loneliness and self-worth in ‘How to Die Alone’

As a die-hard fan of “The White Lotus,” I can only imagine the electrifying atmosphere at that cast dinner on night one! With Carrie Coon, Walton Goggins, and Parker Posey joining forces, it was like a dream come true for everyone involved. I mean, who wouldn’t be starstruck? And let me tell you, being an OG cast member of the show gave me some serious bragging rights!

As Natasha Rothwell recalls, the phrase “Follow the fear” has been etched into her mind since her improv days. When a TV executive posed the question, “If you had a TV show, what would it be?” she pondered about the thing that filled her with the most dread at the moment: the prospect of dying alone.

At approximately that period, her career began to soar with “Insecure,” where she took on two roles, both writing for and portraying the show’s beloved character, Kelli. During this time, she also had a development deal at HBO. However, the stress points of her professional and personal life started intertwining, creating an existential pressure.

She asserted that she was the one who initially named the project, expressing something like, “Alright, let’s call it ‘How to Die Alone,'” during a video conversation. Her intention behind this title was to create a show that delved into the ways one might navigate life without a partner, as this was the hand she had been dealt.

Everything seemed to align for her after getting dental work done and experiencing discomfort. She took ibuprofen, but unfortunately had a severe allergy to it which necessitated a trip to the urgent care center, requiring her to drive herself.

She explained, “In the moment, I saw the title of the program. This made me wonder – what does this mean? And it turned out that it meant, although I wasn’t physically alone since I was with a group in urgent care at midnight on a Friday night, I still felt incredibly lonely.

Similar to several pivotal experiences in life, this one prompted introspection and eventually led to the creation of “How to Die Alone,” a new series currently streaming on Hulu. This project is part of Rothwell’s overall deal with ABC Signature, who produced the comedy series for Onyx Collective. In the show, Rothwell portrays Mel, a 30-something unattached woman working at a New York airport, contentedly drifting through life. However, an unexpected near-death experience — when a bookshelf she’s assembling collapses on her — sparks a change. Motivated to take control of her life, Mel embarks on a journey of self-discovery. Alongside Vera Santamaria (“Pen15”), Rothwell also serves as co-showrunner for this intriguing series.

As my own career flourishes, much like the character of Molly from “Insecure” might put it, I’ve been keeping quite busy! Following the conclusion of the HBO series, I was nominated for an Emmy for my portrayal of Belinda in the first season of “The White Lotus” on HBO, and graced both the big screen with “Wonka” and Disney’s animated feature “Wish.” And that’s just the beginning. Last week, news broke that I’m developing a series based on the viral TikTok sensation “Who TF Did I Marry?” by Tareasa “Reesa Teesa” Johnson. In a separate email exchange, I shared, “I was immediately captivated!” The tales that Reesa Teesa weaves are truly remarkable, providing an insightful lesson in vulnerability, and I’m thrilled to help bring her story to the small screen.

Rothwell delved into the hurdles faced when trying to bring a series not derived from pre-existing material (IP) to the big screen. She shared an anecdote from her own life, and expressed admiration for “White Lotus” creator Mike White, someone she would follow without hesitation.

Over time, your thoughts on the distinction between solitude and loneliness have evolved, stemming from an earlier period in your life. How has this period influenced your viewpoint now? To what extent were these feelings driven by personal apprehensions rather than societal expectations?

Instead of choosing the first option, I prefer the second one more. It’s something worth discussing in a TED talk because from a young age, I consumed media that portrayed a certain lifestyle – finding a man would solve all problems and having children would complete life. However, there was no alternative path presented to me that resembles mine. Since I don’t want children, I love them for others but have no desire to have any of my own. I’m open to romantic partnership, but I won’t compromise and settle just to get one.

When I landed this pilot deal, I had been in therapy for about 15 years. I put in a lot of effort to break into the show business and make it work for me. It’s ironic that despite all the therapy, I was still struggling with the word “alone.” But it wasn’t until that moment in urgent care that I managed to understand the words and realized, “I was saying it wrong. I’m not afraid of dying alone; I’m terrified of dying lonely.” For me, the societal pressure to present a certain image of my life is especially intense due to my gender and ethnicity. It’s a very heavy burden to live up to others’ expectations.

What captivates me about this series is the chance for our main character to tackle such issues, and when she experiences her moment of clarity, she recognizes the source of the call was within her own home. Her capacity to make self-determined choices like “What do I desire?” is incredibly empowering. It’s a refreshing perspective that challenges the notion we should seek completion from external sources, as I believe it should come from within ourselves.

The initial installment presents several scenes reminiscent of a solo lifestyle, such as being left out for romantic dates and struggling to put together IKEA furniture alone. Which part of the show resonates most with your personal experiences?

Today wasn’t great, but I found solace in my regular trip to IKEA. For just $1.50, I enjoyed a hot dog and some traditional Swedish meatballs drenched in an unusual lingonberry sauce, along with a side of mac and cheese that left me rushing home to the bathroom. That was my simple evening. While strolling through IKEA, I came across a wardrobe that caught my eye. Given my tiny studio apartment in Brooklyn and its minuscule closet, I thought this wardrobe would be perfect. To my surprise, it was twice as large as what I needed. I placed it on the small flatbed cart, and suddenly realized, “How on earth will I transport this home? It won’t fit in a cab. I’ll have to take the bus, which I reluctantly did.

As a passionate film enthusiast, let me share an incident that unfolded in my life recently, reminiscent of the struggles faced by our protagonists in movies. The bus driver inquired, “What’s going on?” To which I responded, “I find myself stranded without a ride; I need to get home.” He nodded in understanding and descended to assist me in loading my heavy boxes onto the bus.

In our current economy, there’s a lot of budget restraint across industries. I’m curious if you were taken aback that your series was able to make it onto the screen? What’s the experience like when proposing a show that isn’t based on an existing intellectual property (IP)?

It took me seven years to develop this series because it was an original concept, and as a content creator and person of color in this industry, I find it challenging. It simply is, and it’s unfortunate. The extra effort I had to put in to prove that my work would be good – something I feel my white peers might not need to do – can be draining. In today’s post-strike environment, with many studios having let go of their DEI executives and the representation at those levels becoming scarce, it is remarkable that this show was produced. This is why I am so determined, and have always been, to ensure diversity on set – not just in words but also in actions, by ensuring that my commitments through my activism are matched by the actions of department heads, cast, and crew.

I’m reluctant to dictate the solution, as I believe we should seek answers from the executives about why they persist in maintaining that industry aspect. In my power, however, I ensured that every director for my season was a woman of color. We balanced out the gender roles on set among department heads and crew, having an equal number of men and women. I aimed to exercise control over what I could. My aspiration is that this show’s success will encourage executives and studios to acknowledge the worth and marketability of diverse concepts and productions, and recognize that while original storytelling entails risk, it is a risk worth taking.

How would being the main character in a television show and being the creator of a series that has been aired differ for you, in your own words?

For years, it’s been a dream of mine to produce a TV series, and finally seeing it come to life is an incredible feeling – albeit one tinged with a strange sort of pleasure because of the sheer intensity and grueling nature of showrunning. It’s not just about directing or producing; it’s about standing up for each story, fighting for every scene, and taking on all that comes with it. Taking on the role of leading the cast is a whole new challenge, one that has fundamentally changed me in positive ways.

You’re coming back for the fresh season of “White Lotus” and will be resuming your character as Belinda. This time around, we have Carrie Coon, Walton Goggins, and Parker Posey joining the crew. Could you share details about that cast dinner on the very first night?

I’m absolutely smitten by the cast from this season’s show. Each actor you mentioned was up for an Emmy award this year. Stepping into that environment made me incredibly anxious. Being someone who deals with social anxiety, I don’t usually approach people and get star-struck. It might seem like I’m acting aloof, but really, I’m perspiring profusely. And it feels as if I’ve drenched myself in my own sweat.

Only after dinner did I start talking. One of the first things Carrie said to me was, “I noticed you had quite a lot to say,” followed by, “You were like, ‘I’m smitten. I adore you. You’re fantastic. You’re superb. I was just so anxious to visit.’ She replied, “I too was anxious to meet you. Remember Season 1?” It turned out that the other cast members had been saying, “That’s Belinda, she’s a veteran.” I realized, “Ah, that’s my status in this group.” I survived through Season 1. I even got nominated for an Emmy for it. So, I sat up a bit straighter and spent more time with everyone. It was truly wonderful.

At what moment did you discover that the character portrayed by Jennifer Coolidge, who had a connection with Belinda’s storyline in Season 1 of our show, passed away?

In my cozy living room, I found myself engrossed in an episode of the show I adore, with my loyal canine companion by my side. Unaware of any spoilers, I watched intently as a character, who seemed to be up to no good with her arsenal, raced across boats. I couldn’t help but cheer, “Go on, baddie with bullets! Let’s see what you’ve got!

How do your interactions with Mike White typically unfold? I recall you finding it easy to banter or propose comedic ideas with him during Season 1, and he appreciated your interpretation and insights into the scripts. Could you describe your creative partnership as you rejoined the show?

It picked up where we left off. He was like, “When can we get on Zoom and talk through everything?” I made page notes and we talked through character pitches and story pitches. He was so receptive. And I got pages where he addressed those notes. It’s such a wonderful back and forth. He truly sees [me] like, “Oh, this is a peer; you’re a fellow writer.” It was wonderful to be seen that way and have my skill set and my hyphenates acknowledged and not having to compartmentalize because he sees me as a creator, much like he’s a creator. I have such deference for him, and I’ve been a fan of him for so long. There’s a real trust there because we became family in Season 1, and so I ride for him heavy.

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2024-09-13 13:32