‘Hey man, are you good?’: Inside Liam Payne’s troubled life after One Direction
As a seasoned observer of the tumultuous world of celebrity, I can’t help but feel a profound sense of sadness and empathy upon learning about the life and tragic demise of Liam Payne. Having followed the careers of many young artists, I’ve seen the highs and lows that come with fame and fortune, and it seems Mr. Payne was no exception.
As a movie enthusiast looking back, I can’t help but recall my daily conversations with Liam Payne, following our meeting on the Netflix music competition series earlier this year. That is, until his unexpected two-week radio silence towards the end of last month, which left me somewhat concerned.
Moreover, McLean, aged 46, was acquainted with Payne, who was 31 years old. Interestingly, they developed a remarkably strong relationship on the set of “Building the Band,” where Payne served as a celebrity mentor to contestants and McLean was the host – their bond was strengthened by their shared past: both had started their careers amidst the fires of teen stardom and later fought similar battles against substance abuse.
McLean shared with The Times this week that Payne was like a beacon of light, carrying an ancient wisdom. He felt a protective older brother-like bond towards him. However, there was an undeniable sense that Payne had experienced hardships and lived anything but a conventional life.
McLean, who celebrated his third year of sobriety in September, stated that he didn’t think Payne was using drugs while the Netflix show was being filmed. He often had open and honest conversations with Payne about staying sober, swapping stories, and even making lighthearted jokes about their shared journey. According to him, if you can still discuss it, it means you’re making progress in a positive direction.
It was discovered later on that once more, Payne was battling his inner struggles. On October 16, just one day after McLean sent his last message, the singer tragically fell from a third-floor hotel balcony. The authorities found Payne’s hotel room in Buenos Aires filled with drug paraphernalia, and an autopsy revealed traces of “pink cocaine,” a combination of designer drugs, in his bloodstream.
The unexpected demise of the pop star brought attention to the challenges faced by the One Direction member who found it hardest to navigate his post-boy-band career, highlighting once more the timeless issue of caring for struggling young artists amidst the intense pressures of modern stardom, while also ensuring they are held responsible.
McLean expressed, “It seems that we may never find a clear explanation for why this event occurred. This uncertainty is the hardest part to accept. Why did it happen now? Why in such a challenging manner?
Instead of puzzling over why he didn’t reply, I understand. All I can do is hope that people recall him as he truly was: a person with a giant heart and immense talent.
2008 saw 14-year-old Liam Payne stepping boldly onto the stage of British talent show “The X Factor”. With trendy side-swept fringe hairstyle popular at that time, he declared his intentions to the judges: “I’m here to claim victory.
Displaying an impressive vocal quality reminiscent of Frank Sinatra’s lively “Fly Me to the Moon,” Payne captivated the audience with his pristine pitch, full-bodied voice, and charisma that belied his youthful age.
Judge Simon Cowell expressed his belief that Liam has great potential. However, he mentioned that he feels a touch more determination and raw emotion are needed.
During the panel discussion, Cheryl Cole, a member of Girls Aloud and soon-to-be mother of Payne’s son, Bear, appeared enchanted. However, Cowell expressed some reservations about Payne’s ability to shine as a solo star. “You’re young, good-looking, people will find you appealing,” Cowell commented. “But there seems to be a crucial 20% element that’s lacking in you.
Payne got fired from the show, but he bravely auditioned again after two years. It was during his 2010 appearance on “The X Factor” that Cowell selected him for One Direction, a band that would become one of the most successful pop groups in the 2010s.
Back when Simon Cowell expressed doubts about my potential as a solo artist, little did I know that this would set the stage for a tough but exciting journey to carve out my unique musical identity beyond the shadow of One Direction’s fame. After our band disbanded in 2016, some members swiftly found success on their own, with Harry Styles standing out among them, earning three Grammys and embarking on the sixth-highest-grossing concert tour ever. While I, a skilled wordsmith and music enthusiast, faced a steeper climb to find my own musical voice.
In the band One Direction, it was often Niall Horan, who grew up in a working-class family in Wolverhampton, England, that served as the glue keeping the group cohesive. The other band members affectionately called him “Daddy Direction.” As he put it in 2017, “When something went awry, I’d receive a call. If an apology was required, it was my responsibility.” He also took on the role of the band’s representative when dealing with the press and their record label.
Musically, Payne was quite talented. He could effortlessly improvise during the bridge of “Summer Love” or reach striking high notes when performing Michael Jackson’s “The Way You Make Me Feel.” As the band progressed, he became more playful, engaging in water fights with Louis Tomlinson on stage and delivering dry humor while dressed in a banana costume during their European tour.
In his writing, he demonstrated both sharp humor and deep emotional understanding, eventually becoming one of the band’s most productive lyricists. The unique concept behind “Better Than Words” – a collage of pop lyrics – was actually his own idea.
On “Story of My Life,” a cherished song of theirs, he adopted the saddest lyrics, which resonated deeply with him: “Upon my death, I envision these words etched upon my tombstone… Even though I’m shattered, my spirit remains wild and untamed.
McLean stated, “I didn’t realize until our conversation that he was so influential lyrically.” In a band setting, it often goes like this: “The group is usually told, ‘You’re the attractive faces, sing. We’ve got the creative minds to write and produce this album to make it a massive success.’
Despite his ease with composing music, Payne admitted that he struggled to adjust to the relentless spotlight of being in One Direction. Growing up, he had a scarred kidney, which made him apprehensive about drinking. However, when doctors cleared him at 19, he shared that it was like a dam bursting. Following their performances for thousands of fans, the band often found themselves locked away in their hotel rooms to avoid being swarmed on the streets. And as Payne put it, “the mini-bar is always available.
He confessed, “I wasn’t in a good place. I found myself excessively drinking, and at times, I overstepped boundaries.” He further explained, “We’ve all been that person at a party who seems to be the only one enjoying themselves, and there were instances when I was that individual.
However, Tom Krueger, who served as the director of photography during his one-month stint with the band for the 2013 “One Direction: This Is Us” documentary, stated that Payne concealed any personal hardships he might have been experiencing.
In conversation with The Times, the cinematographer shared that while some individuals were reserved, Liam consistently exhibited a cheerful and welcoming demeanor. He also noted Liam’s tender nature and empathy. Looking into Liam’s eyes made him feel more than just another face in the crowd; he was seen as an individual too.
At that point, Styles stood out as the equivalent of Mick Jagger among them – he radiated an extraordinary self-assurance, believing he would always remain at the peak, Krueger shared. The rest, in my opinion, seemed to dwell in the wake of his confidence.
After One Direction took an indefinite break in 2016, Louis Tomlinson sought to reinvent himself as both a writer and a solo pop star. He released some EDM remixes under the name “Big Payno” and secured a deal with Republic (later moving to Capitol) as a standalone artist. In his One Direction book “Who We Are,” he admitted that he was anxious about the prospect of failing outside of the band, and hinted at a career in songwriting because he believed it would attract less personal attention.
As a lone wolf among my former One Direction bandmates, I found myself grappling with an unexpected wave of self-doubt. In the quest for self-discovery and understanding, I sought solace in therapy sessions during 2019. When asked about my interests, I confessed, “I’m at a loss when it comes to identifying what brings me joy.
He reminisced about being in his backyard at home, taking it all in and musing, “It’s been quite the ride, but now that it’s over, what’s next? What transpires from here? Who should I contact?” he mused.
He admitted that his loneliness had come dangerously close to claiming his life, hinting at moments when he contemplated suicide: “At times, it was a real struggle for him to survive.
At one point in his romantic life, Payne rediscovered the bond that had been elusive. Eight years following his audition for her on “The X Factor” at the age of 14, he started dating Cheryl Cole, who is ten years older. In interviews with the media, he spoke highly of her, sharing stories of how he admired her performances as a child.
Back in 2017, six months following the birth of their son, Bear, he gleefully expressed, “Now we’re a family with our little one,” feeling as if he had just won the grand prize on ‘The X Factor’.
Reflecting on our two-year journey that was frequently highlighted in the U.K. tabloids, I can’t help but remember the unexpected turn of events. A week before we were set to tie the knot, our split was announced instead. I often think about where we stand now. It’s not always smooth sailing – of course, there are challenges, as anyone in a relationship knows. But I choose to believe that we’re somewhere in between the highs and lows. We’ve had our struggles, but we’re learning, growing, and that’s what relationships are all about.
Payne recently took his first substantial step towards sobriety. In 2017, he entered into a two-year partnership with Chip Somers, a psychotherapist and sobriety companion known for handling high-profile individuals and who was considered trustworthy.
Somers shared with The Times that there was indeed a strong urge for secrecy, and he felt this was entirely justified. In his opinion, no one should subject themselves to undue stress during the initial year of their recovery from addiction.
In essence, Somers shared that he spent most days with Payne, and after the performer had managed to get clean, his sentiments were clear – Payne reveled in it. Everyone seemed to find life in him again. He enjoyed himself. There was a real knack in him for laughter. The therapist noted that Payne derived pleasure from simple pastimes, such as TopGolf or 10-pin bowling. Upon concluding their work together, Somers felt optimistic regarding Payne’s sobriety.
Over the subsequent years, having become aware of Payne’s continuous hardships, Somers admitted to sending the occasional text message to his previous client. However, he made sure not to be overbearing. He explained, “When individuals are aware of help resources, they understand who they can reach out to for assistance. In essence, it’s best to let them make their own decisions.” Moreover, he believed initiating contact during a relapse could be seen as exploitative.
In the year 2019, Payne was the last among his One Direction bandmates to put out a solo single. The upbeat track titled “Strip That Down,” which blended Neptunes- and Justin Timberlake-esque tunes, had lyrics co-written with Ed Sheeran and featured rapper Quavo. This song became a moderate success, peaking at number 10 on the Billboard Hot 100. However, it stood out due to its clear distinction from the band. Payne sung, “You know I used to be in One Direction, now I’m free.” He expressed that people might want him for one thing, but “that’s not me.
Among his solo releases, “Strip That Down” became his only top-10 hit single. Additionally, only three other songs managed to enter the Hot 100 chart. His debut album, “LP1,” reached a peak position of No. 111 and stayed on the charts for just one week. As a solo artist, Payne’s voice, which was so versatile within One Direction, seemed somewhat lost at sea. In an earlier interview, he admitted, “I had some trouble figuring out how to translate what was going on in my mind into music initially.
During this time, a director involved in music videos shared with The Times that they had detailed talks with Payne’s team. However, on the day before filming, the director discovered that Payne seemed unaware of their plans. It was evident that Payne hadn’t been part of any discussions about what was to be done, said the director who chose to remain anonymous because they continue to work in the industry.
The director was instructed to make the video more sensual to match a fresh advertising campaign that Payne had joined. However, the director expressed that it felt like they were trying to mold him into a certain persona, and he struggled to understand his genuine character. Yet, there was an undercurrent of sadness or helplessness that the director could sense from him.
The ex-managers at Payne, namely Richard Griffiths, Simon Oliveira, and Steve Finan O’Connor, could not be reached for their comments when contacted by The Times.
Under the constant scrutiny of the 1D microscope, Payne continued to experience its aftereffects. By 2019, he openly admitted feelings of intense anxiety whenever he ventured out, even for something as simple as buying a coffee from a local Starbucks.
He confessed that he had a significant issue with visiting gas stations and purchasing fuel. It would bring on a distressing sensation, much like an overwhelming anxiety, causing him to perspire profusely in the vehicle while contemplating, “I don’t feel like doing this.
He occasionally tried periods of abstinence from alcohol, managing a full year without it after the release of his first album, and his main indulgence during this period was smoking cigarettes. On one occasion, he also participated in Alcoholics Anonymous gatherings, sharing the experience with comedian Russell Brand.
However, Payne felt anxious that whatever he revealed could end up in the gossip columns, and he was unhappy about how his social life seemed to decline when he stayed sober. He would rise early for a run and be asleep by 7 p.m., he reminisced. “In a peculiar manner, I’m still trying to make sense of it all and strike the right balance.
2019 saw him express that it’s not a big deal if an error occurs or the evening turns out slightly longer than planned. If he’s able to complete his tasks effectively the following day, he can chalk it up as a learning experience and vow, “I won’t do that again.” He still prefers to go out and have fun.
For high-profile boy band members such as Payne, the past shows a pattern of being undervalued beyond their monetary value. Allison McCracken, a scholar at DePaul University who specializes in intense pop fandoms, stated, “It’s simple to develop an addiction as a coping mechanism due to the daily pressures. It’s hard to break free when your self-worth is intertwined with what made you famous. If you lack a solid support network to remind you that this isn’t everything and there are other aspects of yourself that matter, it’s tough to stand up for yourself.
In September 2019, Payne found himself entangled in a whirlwind romance with Maya Henry, a young model who gained attention for her lavish $6 million quinceañera celebration as a teenager. Shortly after they started dating, videos surfaced on TMZ showing Payne arguing with staff at a bar near Henry’s home in Texas. In the footage, he was heard shouting, “I swear to God, I will knock you out!” at the security personnel.
Henry and Payne were initially set to get married, but by May 2022, they decided to end their relationship permanently. Payne expressed that their up-and-down relationship left him feeling “disappointed in myself for causing pain to others. That bothers me. I just haven’t been very successful with relationships. … I simply need to focus on improving myself before I commit to someone else.
Following my marriage to Cole, it seems that romantic challenges ignited a fresh determination in me, both personally and professionally. After some sporadic collaborative singles over the years, such as the one with EDM sensation Alesso in 2020 (“Midnight”), I hinted at a new album in the making during 2023. In July of that year, I shared a video on my YouTube channel about my renewed dedication, disclosing to my followers that I had been sober for six months following a 100-day rehab stay.
His new resolve took shape during a Hans Zimmer performance in Dubai. In that moment, gazing at the drink in his hand, he realized it wasn’t beneficial for him. He didn’t feel the need for it at that particular time.
Following my YouTube confession, I delved deeper into the matter on Instagram, elaborating on the intense emotions, or as I put it, the “manic” feelings, I’ve been battling. Normally, these periods would lead me to lose my sobriety, but I’m fortunate to be under the care of some truly exceptional individuals who are looking out for me right now.
He mentioned that he had recorded the same video approximately 20 times throughout the year, but each time he lost courage to publish it by convincing himself not to do so. However, he now wishes to share his experiences with anyone who might be struggling, as he was fortunate enough to learn valuable insights from specialists during his absence. The first thing he did every day was to check in on his feelings, and he emphasized that it’s crucial not to suppress emotions.
He had recently been mending his ties with his former bandmates, as evidenced by his attendance at Tomlinson’s documentary debut and his applause for Styles’ award win in the category of album of the year at the Grammys. At Tomlinson’s premier event, he admitted that they had been instrumental in helping him get through a tough period in his life, expressing his gratitude by saying, “Without the boys, I wouldn’t be here.
In March 2024, Payne’s last solo track titled “Teardrops” was unveiled. This song displayed his entire expansive vocal capacity and contained a confession of his flaws and vulnerabilities as a partner: “I struggle to love you when / I am shattered too / Perhaps your words resonate / I might be the issue, I’m truly sorry.
Meanwhile, there was some uncertainty about his career as a self-standing performer commercially, since Payne had parted ways with his record label, Capitol Records.
A spokesperson for Universal Music Group and Capitol chose not to provide a statement, however, individuals knowledgeable about the situation reported that there were disputes between the label and Payne’s management concerning his musical path, with Capitol expressing apprehension about arranging tours for him due to his previous issues with substance abuse. A month prior to his passing, Payne and the label had ended their partnership.
Capitol expressed profound sorrow over Liam Payne’s heartbreaking demise, stating that his impact will endure through his songs and the legions of fans he touched. Our sincere sympathies go out to Liam’s family and close friends during this difficult time.
As the days counted down to his passing, Maya Henry was becoming more open about her concerns online regarding a problematic relationship with Payne. These disclosures started in May of this year when Henry released a book titled “Looking Forward,” which she identified as being “certainly influenced by real-life occurrences.
The story centers around a character named Mallory who develops feelings for Oliver Smith, a past member of the boy band 5Forward. However, Oliver struggles with substance abuse, frequently misusing alcohol, MDMA, cocaine, and prescription drugs. In a chilling moment, he pursues her with an ax. A particularly unsettling scene involves Oliver becoming intoxicated, violently striking his own face, and rushing towards the balcony while sobbing. Mallory begs him to return indoors.
“I’m gonna f— kill myself, okay? I want to die,” Oliver says.
Before the book’s release, Henry stated that he perceived their relationship through rose-tinted spectacles (or rose-colored lenses).
In those kinds of circumstances, I found myself growing accustomed to them. Over time, certain events would occur, and they’d just seem ordinary in my mind. To put it simply, I became so used to everything that I accepted it as my relationship without questioning. But once I managed to step out of it, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What was I thinking? Why did I stay there?
Through a publicist, Henry declined to comment for this story.
The fate of Liam Payne’s upcoming music and TV projects, released posthumously, is currently undecided. His producer, Sam Pounds, announced the postponement of a new single titled “Do No Wrong” due to strong fan opposition. In a statement, Pounds explained, “I have decided to hold ‘Do No Wrong’ at this time, giving all family members the freedom to decide what they want with any proceeds. They may choose a charity or use it as they see fit.” He further added, “Although we all cherish the song, it doesn’t seem appropriate given our current mourning of Liam. I want his family to grieve peacefully and in prayer, so we will all wait.
Currently, people near Payne are working hard to comprehend his passing, pondering if there were additional actions they could’ve taken to prevent it – all the while wishing that his turbulent last days won’t overshadow his overall impact and memory.
In his own words, recalling the “vulnerable, soft-spoken young man” he assisted in achieving sobriety in 2017, Somers stated, “It would be a profound error to pass judgment on anyone during a time when they are extremely intoxicated.
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2024-11-01 13:33