Dating Naked UK review: This tedious, attention-seeking format isn’t even sexy – and is such a car crash it could derail Rylan Clark’s entire TV career

Dating Naked UK review: This tedious, attention-seeking format isn't even sexy - and is such a car crash it could derail Rylan Clark's entire TV career

As an ardent fan of reality TV, I must admit that Dating Naked has left me somewhat perplexed and bewildered. It’s not often that I find myself staring at a human male genitalia that reminds me of a tin of boiled German sausages in a French supermarket – quite an unusual sight even for the unappetizing reality TV scene!


A key observation from the start of the latest series, Dating Naked, where ten individuals strip down for love or ratings, whichever applies, is how closely the male participants resemble their female counterparts in their personal grooming habits.

In a simplified and more polite way, we could say: The shrunken human male organ can remind one of canned, over-boiled sausages from German markets found in France. This comparison lends an unexpected sense of unattractiveness to the image.

In simpler terms, are you referring to “TMI” or too much information as the youth often say? This is the latest phase of reality TV, and it seems like we’re reaching the limits. I can’t imagine where they could place a camera next – maybe the tech team can figure that out!

It’s difficult to predict where Rylan Clark, the show’s host, might be headed next. I admire him, but I’m not convinced this was his optimal career choice. He’s a gifted individual who has climbed out from under reality TV and into mainstream success. His BBC2 travel show with Judge Rinder, “Rob and Rylan’s Grand Tour,” was a massive hit and a genuinely touching piece of television. He does an excellent job on BBC Radio 2 and has a podcast for Radio 4; he even made an appearance recently in The Archers, a symbol of Middle England’s respectability.

It seems to me that, by doing this, he might find himself right back at the start in the game of TV Chutes and Ladders. Yet, it’s possible that the benefits were simply too tempting. At least he won’t have to take off his clothes for it.

Dating Naked UK review: This tedious, attention-seeking format isn't even sexy - and is such a car crash it could derail Rylan Clark's entire TV career

Dating Naked UK review: This tedious, attention-seeking format isn't even sexy - and is such a car crash it could derail Rylan Clark's entire TV career

Moving on, let’s discuss the butcher’s shop again. This program shares its aesthetic with Love Island: fast-paced visuals, exaggerated commentary, repetitive music, and a ‘breathtaking’ villa location (filmed in Colombia). However, unlike Love Island, when the contestants enter the villa, they not only shed their moral standards and self-respect, but also their clothes – all in slow motion, for dramatic impact.

The camera follows their naked buttocks as they wobble their way to their date with destiny.

There are some incredibly awkward hugs, considering the proper way to embrace a completely undressed stranger isn’t always clear. There are also many furtive looks, assessing each other or perhaps the items/rivals at hand.

They’ve all been thoroughly trained in the skill of rationalizing their actions, as it’s crucial to avoid giving the notion that this is merely an enhanced adult film production.

One competitor, a self-proclaimed Christian, declares confidently, ‘As Adam and Eve discovered love without clothes, it’s my time now.’ However, I’m unsure if this sentiment would be well-received during Sunday lessons.

Another: ‘Being naked will allow me to get to know someone on a deeper level.’ Will it now?

Others might seem more ordinary or commonplace. One individual, with a hint of apprehension about the upcoming contest, states, “I’m a slow-bloomer rather than a quick-starter.”

When it comes to these girls, they tend to keep their attire minimal, yet they enhance their appearances significantly with hair extensions and fake eyelashes. They may not have much hair on their bodies, but they sure do have a lot up top. It’s quite intriguing to observe the stark contrast between their generally natural-looking bodies and the more embellished features of their faces. In reality, it might not hold much significance; however, in its pure form, it certainly stands out.

Dating Naked UK review: This tedious, attention-seeking format isn't even sexy - and is such a car crash it could derail Rylan Clark's entire TV career

To put it simply, despite the shock of everyone appearing without clothes initially, it’s not long before people start comparing and contrasting physical traits. The setup, in essence, resembles a typical dating reality TV show with staged moments of discomfort, contrived scenarios to create tension, and shallow challenges.

In simpler terms, the contestants are initially required to express their romantic interest among the group. Notably, many male participants seem drawn towards the popular blonde contestant, Lauren, who resembles the typical “girl-next-door.” However, it seems that physical attraction, specifically toward her attractive figure, plays a significant role in their choices rather than considering individual personalities.

The two pairs who’ve shown reciprocal attraction (Lauren selects the typically athletic beach guy, Rico) are sent out for a joint outing, exchanging casual conversations.

It’s quite common for someone to become a bit too enthusiastic, and it seems that women might have an innate ability to better conceal their true emotions compared to men in this context. As the performance continues, the only authentic thrill appears to be the closeness of bodies to cushioned surroundings.

Instead of revitalizing the tired reality TV genre with a fresh perspective, the inclusion of nudity makes it feel oddly ordinary and uninteresting. It’s not particularly shocking; rather, it seems rather monotonous and attention-grabbing. It’s not appealing in a sensual way – it’s too clinical for that. It’s difficult to create any sort of attraction when it’s all out in the open like that. If less is more, this certainly has too much.

Dating Naked is available from Friday on Paramount Plus

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2024-08-23 12:34

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