In the first of two sneak peeks from her new autobiography, Head & Heart, Helen Flanagan opens up about the real story behind her very public breakups, her struggles with psychosis, and the rumors about a three-person relationship.
I’m unable to sleep. It’s impossible to rest when my life is in danger – when someone is actively trying to harm me, constantly watching my every move, and potentially even using drugs against me.
I don’t feel safe in my house, even though the police said everything was okay last night. I called 999 multiple times because I was certain there were people outside trying to get in, but the police checked three times and found nothing.
I shouted at the men lurking outside, ‘I see you! Stay away!’
I woke up this morning feeling like I was in real danger. I double-checked all the locks, my body tight with fear and my mind filled with worry. I have to be constantly vigilant; if I relax even for a moment, I’m afraid something terrible will happen.
I’m rushing to get the kids ready for school, and we’re behind schedule. I’m completely energized – maybe too energized – as I scramble to make breakfast, pack drinks, and locate everyone’s shoes.
I have a terrible feeling that something bad is coming, but I can’t show the children I’m worried, so I force myself to smile and pretend everything is okay.
People outside are keeping a close watch on me, and I’m worried about what they might do. I honestly don’t know if I’ll get through the day safely.
That was two years ago. The night when the world as I knew it collapsed. January 8, 2024.
I’d been feeling increasingly disconnected from reality for a few days, becoming more paranoid and struggling to manage my everyday tasks.
I became convinced that a neighbor was trying to harm me. I’d built up this ridiculous idea that he was involved in drug smuggling, and that he was working with my ex-fiancé, Scott Sinclair, who used to play football for Manchester City, Chelsea, and Aston Villa.
Looking back, I realize I was experiencing psychosis – a serious mental state where it becomes difficult to tell what’s real. During this time, my thoughts were jumbled, confused, and disconnected, and I became very distrustful of others, believing things that weren’t based in reality.
I knew logically that no one was actually outside trying to harm me. But at the time, it felt completely and terrifyingly real to me.
I’m pretty sure my recent split from boxer David Haye, which happened only a few weeks prior, played a significant role in my emotional collapse.
I first met David while we were both on the show ‘I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!’ in 2012. We connected quickly and he was very supportive.
I didn’t see him again for ten years, until we ran into each other at an awards show in the fall of 2022. We exchanged a few messages online, and then he asked if he could have my WhatsApp number.
I didn’t answer David’s message right away. Scott and I had just broken up after being together for thirteen years, and I still felt a sense of loyalty to him. Later, around Christmas, I messaged David, but he didn’t respond, so I figured that was the end of it.
In January 2023, news broke that David was in a polyamorous relationship – a ‘throuple’ – with his long-term girlfriend, model Sian Osborne. The story quickly spread through the media.
Mentally, I put David away in a little box marked: Don’t even go there.
I hadn’t heard from him in ages, but then he suddenly reached out. He’d come across some photos from a lingerie shoot I did for Ann Summers and told me, ‘You look amazing!’
I asked if he still had a girlfriend. He said he did, but that it was an open relationship.
I immediately refused – I would never intentionally hurt another woman. But he kept asking if I’d started seeing anyone else after Scott, and I admitted that I hadn’t.
‘You’re a classy queen,’ he replied.
I spent the next few weeks thinking about it. I’d always been a rule-follower, someone who did everything ‘right.’ So, if I was attracted to this guy, why couldn’t I just enjoy a night with him and move on?
He was openly seeing other people, and she was aware of it, so I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong by meeting him. We planned to meet at a London hotel, hoping it would be a one-time thing to get him off my mind. But it didn’t quite turn out that way.
I opened my hotel room door to find David, and I was still wearing my comfy blue pajamas. We chatted over drinks.
He was incredibly flattering and charming, and we ended up spending the night together. It was a wonderful experience, and he made me feel truly beautiful.
We continued meeting at the hotel over the following months, and I have to admit, I quickly developed genuine feelings for him.
I always knew we wouldn’t be a committed couple. And while he really wanted me to, I wasn’t going to become part of his relationship with Sian. He kept asking me to meet her, but I just wasn’t comfortable with the idea – it wasn’t a lifestyle I was interested in, even though I’m not against anything in general.
Around mid-May, David let me know he had tickets to a boxing match at Wembley Stadium, followed by a party. He said it would be a good time and that Sian was looking forward to meeting me.
Oh no! I was surprised to see her there. I couldn’t quite believe she was excited about it, but I ignored my reservations because I was so infatuated with David.
I wore a tight, leather dress to the fight and went to the arena. David was sitting near the ring with Sian and their daughter. After the fight, Sian came over to me, and I have to say, she was stunning – the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
Okay, so I was a little anxious going into the situation, but everyone seemed really welcoming at first. Then David just completely derailed things with a really inappropriate comment – he said something about how attractive someone was right in front of everyone, and honestly, it was mortifying. I just wanted to disappear!
I suspect David was trying to arrange a threesome with Sian and me that night, but when I rejected the idea, he told Sian he was simply going to drive Helen home.
We returned to my hotel and slept together, but I felt awful afterward. I felt guilty about Sian, and also a little jealous – she was the one he truly loved, while I was just a casual fling.
Looking back, there were hints that David had a different side to his personality. He often got jealous and didn’t want me to have any contact with other men, repeatedly telling me he wanted my full attention.
I believed I loved him, but his words often bothered me, and I realized our relationship couldn’t continue.
After dating for about two months, we met at the hotel where we usually hung out, and I told him how I was feeling. I told David that I really valued his support and enjoyed spending time with him, but I couldn’t continue the relationship because he was already seeing someone else. I also explained that I wanted to be able to date other people and explore my options.
I expected him to react positively and with understanding, maybe saying something like, ‘I enjoyed our time together, you’re wonderful, and I get why you’re feeling this way.’
Honestly, I really misstepped and what I said didn’t land well at all. I get the feeling David isn’t accustomed to hearing ‘no’ from women. He was absolutely furious, you could just see it.
He told me he demanded perfection and was upset with how I was speaking to him. He asked if I’d spoken to Scott that way, implying it was a reason Scott had left, and insisted I shouldn’t address him like that.
I was completely breathless. It was impossible for me to reconcile the loving, romantic man I knew with the furious person standing before me now.
I never wanted things to end the way they did. It really hurt to feel like he despised me. Looking back, I realize he had a lot of power over me. Instead of leaving, I actually missed him and wanted to try again.
I was thrilled when David started texting me after a few weeks, saying he missed me. He quickly drew me back in, and my feelings became completely dependent on him. It felt like he had complete control over my emotions.
I shared a TikTok about my experiences dating as a single mom, and my partner reacted with extreme anger. I felt controlled and immediately removed the video, apologized for bothering him, and vowed to ask his permission before posting anything in the future.
Looking back, I can’t believe I let things go as far as they did. I foolishly thought I could be the one to make him change, and for a time, I actually believed he might leave his current girlfriend for me. He even started talking about wanting to start a family together, which seemed to reinforce that hope.
I could feel my mental health sinking because David and our relationship utterly consumed me.
I finally told him I needed some distance, as I realized the relationship wasn’t healthy for me at the moment. But I was so caught up in him that just three days later, I reached out saying how much I missed him. When he called, I hoped he felt the same way.
But instead, he unleashed his rage down the phone.
Are you serious? After ignoring me, you think it’s okay to just send a message? What is your problem?
For the past six months, you’ve been having a relationship with someone who is already in a relationship. How do you think that has affected Sian? What kind of behavior is that?
I was devastated to learn he’d been saying Sian was okay with everything, claiming they had an open relationship, when clearly that wasn’t true. It really upset me.
It was October, and David’s birthday was approaching. I got him a Cartier trinity bracelet and asked the hotel concierge to hold onto it for him.
He called me while I was driving home and said he couldn’t accept my gift or gesture. He told me he only wanted a physical relationship with me, and that was all he needed.
He’d called me almost every day for seven months, saying he wanted to start a family with me. Now, he was saying I was only useful for one thing, and he didn’t even want the birthday gift I’d gotten him. I was left wondering if he’d ever cared about me at all.
It hit me so suddenly – I finally understood what our relationship really was. It was awful, but I told him I needed to end things, that I couldn’t talk to him anymore. Honestly, it was heartbreaking because I loved him, and walking away was incredibly difficult. But I knew, deep down, that I had to completely cut ties if I ever wanted to feel okay again and rediscover who I was.
I told him I needed some time to heal and regain my strength. Being around him was too difficult for me right now, because his actions didn’t match his words of love. I need to prioritize my well-being and focus on being the best mom I can be for my children.
In December he messaged to say he hoped I had a good Christmas.
‘I hope you have a s*** Christmas, David,’ was my reply.
I haven’t talked to him since then. Even though he’s no longer a part of my life, it’s taken me a while to fully move on.
Ending the relationship felt like a narrow escape. I was safe, but the emotional damage still affected me deeply.
Everything was about to fall apart. I was heading for a disaster I couldn’t prevent.
I’ve dealt with mental health challenges for many years. Looking back, I realize these issues began in my childhood, even before I started playing Rosie Webster on Coronation Street in 1999, when I was just nine years old.
Growing up in Bolton, even as a little kid, I just felt… off. It’s hard to explain, but I was always battling this intense worry, these thoughts that just wouldn’t leave me alone, and these crazy emotional rollercoasters. I didn’t even know what was happening, I just knew I felt it, deep down, all the time. I didn’t have the words back then to describe any of it, but looking back, it was always there.
It’s taken many years of self-discovery to finally understand my motivations and learn to treat myself with more compassion.
Looking back, I get it now. All those weird worries I had as a kid? They weren’t just kid stuff. They were the first little whispers of what doctors now call Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It’s basically a brain thing where you get stuck with these thoughts you can’t shake, and honestly, they can be terrifying. Some of them… well, they really messed me up, even back then.
It’s difficult to talk about how much this condition has affected my life, and I want to be honest about that. However, many of the thoughts caused by my OCD are too upsetting to share. It’s a frightening and lonely experience, because it feels impossible to explain what’s happening in my mind – it’s embarrassing, and I worry that no one would understand.
I can honestly say that the worst times in my life have been battling OCD. There were moments I genuinely felt like I was losing my mind. Things got especially bad in 2015 after my first child was born – it felt like the OCD returned with a terrible force, and it led me to seek help at the Priory, and at my lowest point, even to consider taking my own life.
Scott and I were overjoyed when our daughter, Matilda, was born, and I completely embraced being a mother. I found happiness in everyday moments, like taking her for walks in the stroller, enjoying time in the park, and even simple trips to the grocery store with her in a carrier.
Honestly, after years of being ‘that person’ on Coronation Street and everything else, it was amazing to finally just disappear. I was so happy to be out of the spotlight, just a normal mom with my little girl, doing everyday things. It was exactly what I needed – pure bliss!
As the weeks passed, my happiness started to fade as those unwanted thoughts from my childhood came back. They were becoming strong enough to ruin the joy I felt with my new baby.
It started subtly, with me just worrying if I’d given Matilda enough milk. But then my thoughts quickly turned to completely unrealistic fears – I even imagined she would die because I hadn’t fed her enough.
I became really worried about germs and didn’t want anyone touching Matilda, fearing they might make her sick. I found it hard to trust others with her, even Scott at times.
I was even hesitant to burp my baby, worried I might hurt her. I kept having anxious thoughts that I’d done something wrong, even though I knew I would never intentionally harm her.
These unwanted thoughts were so upsetting that they often triggered panic attacks. During an OCD episode, it’s incredibly difficult to think clearly or logically.
Honestly, it was terrifying. Every single time I climbed those stairs, this awful thought would just hit me – I’d picture myself just… letting go of Matilda, sending her tumbling over the railing. I wasn’t going to, of course, but the images were so vivid, so real in my head. I could actually see it happening, like a horrible movie playing out. It was completely overwhelming and I couldn’t shake it.
My thoughts felt like a constant, painful struggle. Disturbing and often aggressive ideas flooded my mind and wouldn’t go away, creating a relentless and harsh inner experience.
Loving her caused me immense pain, and that made it even harder to cope with my thoughts. I couldn’t share what I was feeling with anyone, fearing judgment and the possibility of losing my child.
Scott seemed lost and frustrated by the situation. He didn’t understand why everyone was so upset.
I went through a very dark time and considered suicide. I felt like a burden and believed my loved ones would be better off if I wasn’t around. I especially felt like my partner, Matilda, deserved someone better than me.
I absolutely cherished being a mother, but when anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder took over my thoughts, I felt powerless to stop them.
About six months before Matilda was born, Scott transferred from Manchester City to Aston Villa. A few weeks after she arrived, some friends talked me into going out in Birmingham, and I really shouldn’t have. I wasn’t emotionally ready for it.
I looked across the crowded nightclub and saw a man with red lipstick smeared all over his face. The realization hit me instantly: I’d apparently slept with him in the restroom! I was horrified, knowing I’d been unfaithful to Scott.
Everyone kept insisting it couldn’t have happened – they were with me the entire time, you see – but I got so incredibly upset that I just needed to go home. It really overwhelmed me.
After having my baby, I wasn’t feeling like myself, and my doctor mentioned the possibility of postnatal depression, even suggesting antidepressants. Honestly, I just wasn’t ready to go down that route. I really didn’t want to rely on medication, and decided to explore other ways to feel better first.
At the time, I didn’t realize there was a term for what I was going through – I just felt like I was losing it. It wasn’t until I read Bryony Gordon’s fantastic book, Mad Girl, in the summer of 2016 that things finally started to click and I began to understand what was happening.
She spoke very openly about her OCD, and it made me realize I’d always mistakenly thought it was just about being neat and organized – like someone who meticulously arranges things, such as David Beckham with his Pepsi cans.
I hadn’t realized my experiences were connected to intrusive thoughts before, but as Bryony described hers, I recognized them in myself and finally understood why I’d been going through all of this.
I didn’t think I was strange, just different. Knowing that earlier could have saved me a lot of heartache and self-doubt.
I’m sharing this now, and being honest about the difficult thoughts I had, because I hope it helps anyone else going through something similar feel less isolated. If it does that, then it’s worth it.
This is an excerpt from ‘Head & Heart’ by Helen Flanagan, available from January 29th. You can purchase a copy for £19.80 (offer ends February 7th, 2026) at www.mailshop.co.uk/books or by calling 020 3176 2937. Free UK delivery on orders over £25.
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