Ashley James reveals she was raped by a friend at university and describes ‘living with shame and silence’ after ‘hugely traumatic’ assault: ‘I’ve thought about it every day since’

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Ashley James has publicly shared that she was sexually assaulted by a male friend while she was a 21-year-old student at Nottingham University. This is the first time she has spoken about the incident.

The 38-year-old TV personality bravely shared details of a rape in her new book, Bimbo. She explained that the attack happened after a night out with friends, and she had lost consciousness.

It broke my heart to read her words about the attack being one of the worst experiences of her life. She so powerfully described the shame and silence that followed, and her hope is that by sharing her story, things will finally start to change when it comes to how we talk about rape and stop blaming survivors. I truly believe her courage will make a difference.

I’ve been following Ashley’s story, and it breaks my heart to hear why she didn’t come forward right away. It wasn’t like it happened with a stranger – it was someone she knew, a friend. She said that made it so much harder to process, to accept that he’d hurt her like that. Instead of blaming him, she somehow ended up blaming herself, and that kept her silent for so long.

She wrote about a painful experience, referencing how victims are often discredited and blamed, in a chapter titled ‘Silly Girl.’ She explained it was something she’d never discussed, but had thought about daily, especially after becoming a mother.

That was an incredibly difficult time for me, and deeply upsetting. I’m sharing this not to be sensational, but to show how many people go through similar things, and to highlight how much our support systems are failing them.

The former Made In Chelsea star explained that she didn’t report the incident, not because she doubted the police or the justice system, but because the person involved was someone she knew – a friend.

Because of what happened, I spent years blaming myself. Even afterward, I was more concerned with whether he approved of me than with dealing with the emotional pain it caused. I was terrified he would share what happened and ruin my reputation.

I kept what happened to myself and even attempted to maintain a friendship with him. It’s still difficult for me to accept that he was a rapist, especially because I never asked for any of it. I was actually unconscious at the time.

My biggest concern was the potential impact on his life. I admit I’d been drinking and was dressed for a night out, having just left a club. However, I wasn’t alone; I was with friends I could rely on.

As someone who spends a lot of time thinking about well-being, I’ve noticed a really critical gap in how we prepare young women. We simply don’t talk openly about the possibility – however awful – that someone they know, even a friend, might attempt to assault them. And honestly, it breaks my heart because the truth is, it doesn’t matter what a woman is wearing, or whether she’s had nothing to drink or several drinks. None of that changes anything, and we need to be having those difficult conversations.

Ashley explained in a recent interview with The Times that she was motivated to share her experience after being impressed by the courage of Gisèle Pelicot.

In 2023, a shocking case came to light revealing that Gisèle’s husband had been secretly drugging her for years and then allowing numerous men to sexually assault her while she was unconscious. He also filmed these horrific acts, sparking widespread international condemnation.

More than 50 men were convicted of rape or sexual assault after a long trial concluded in December 2024. They each received prison sentences between three and twenty years.

Ashley found the courage to share her story of assault for the first time after hearing Gisèle – who bravely chose to reveal her identity – powerfully state, ‘The shame lies with the perpetrator, not with us.’

She explained she wrestled with the decision to include the assault in her book. Ultimately, she felt it was essential because her writing focuses on how society limits women and undermines their self-assurance, and omitting it would have felt dishonest.

I shouldn’t feel embarrassed by this. We need to change what we’re focusing on. I hoped we’d progressed as a society, but unfortunately, that’s not the case.

We haven’t yet created a society where boys are properly taught how to handle rejection or fully grasp the meaning of consent. Too often, the focus shifts to blaming the victim with questions like, “What was she wearing?” or “Was she drinking?” Unfortunately, many people have experienced or witnessed situations like these.

The mother of two hopes sharing her experience will challenge the idea that rapists are simply a few bad people or random attackers.

She argued that the emphasis should be on stopping men from committing assaults, instead of teaching potential victims how to protect themselves.

In an interview with The Mirror, she explained that society continues to blame victims, particularly women. She argued that instead of teaching women how to avoid assault, we should be teaching men not to commit it, emphasizing that men have the power to end sexual violence.

Due to the shame, social restrictions, and negative perceptions surrounding sexual assault, many people still believe that perpetrators are isolated criminals or strangers attacking in dark places, but that’s simply not true.

We have to admit this is happening and teach our daughters to be themselves – to stop worrying about what others wear or how they act. Let’s shift the focus of the discussion to something more positive.

Ashley argued that the current system for handling sexual assault needs improvement. She highlighted the fact that survivors are often unfairly blamed and shamed, sometimes as much as the people who assaulted them.

She explained that sexual assault remains a deeply shameful and stigmatized topic. Current systems often fail to adequately support survivors, and it can feel like they are the ones being scrutinized rather than their alleged attacker.

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, support is available. You can reach Rape Crisis at 0808 500 2222 or connect with them through their online chat.

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2026-02-09 05:04