Commentary: What ‘Babygirl’ gets right and wrong about kink, according to a sex expert

As a seasoned film critic with a background in sexual health education and relationship coaching, I found “Babygirl” to be a refreshing and thought-provoking exploration of power dynamics, consent, and kink. The film skillfully navigates the nuances of BDSM culture without resorting to gratuitous visuals or oversimplified tropes.

Warning: The following contains spoilers from the movie “Babygirl.”

The movie “Babygirl” starts with a scene where Romy (played by Nicole Kidman) and her husband (Antonio Banderas) have what seems like a synchronized, cinematic orgasm. For those who are critically analyzing the film’s portrayal of sexual experiences, this scene may serve as a misleading depiction: Research suggests that only 10% to 20% of people with female anatomy can achieve orgasm in such a manner. I was unsure at that point whether it was the movie or Romy’s character that wasn’t being truthful about sexual experiences.

Halina Reijn swiftly eliminates any ambiguity: After her husband falls asleep, Romy stealthily moves into another room, positions herself on her abdomen with her hands tucked between her legs, and reaches a climax while watching a video featuring soft Dominant/Submissive dialogue. It’s evident that our leading character isn’t entirely unfamiliar with sexual matters, yet she appears to be yearning for more satisfaction.

In the movie, titled “Babygirl,” we find Romy, a strong career woman, embarking on an intimate relationship with Samuel, her younger intern. This relationship sees Samuel assuming control, stirring up Romy’s hidden submissive side. The film delves deeply into the complex power dynamic between them, and it frequently employs a controversial aspect of eroticism: ambiguous consent.

If a sexual scene has left you questioning your comfort levels, it might indicate questionable consent is being portrayed. A somewhat ambiguous and intriguing example can be found in Adrian Lyne’s 2002 film “Unfaithful.” In this movie, Diane Lane’s character, a cheating wife, tries to end her affair with Olivier Martinez’s character, but he persists despite her physical resistance.

“Stop it. I can’t. I can’t,” she says. “Do you want to f— me? I want you to.”

“Say it,” he replies.

“I want you to.”

Questionable consent involves instances where it’s uncertain, forced, or given under circumstances that undermine genuine, voluntary agreement in sexual situations. Power disparities, psychological control, and infidelity often factor into such scenarios. When executed skillfully, it can be highly impactful. However, it’s crucial to ensure that the character being coerced genuinely desires what they are being persuaded to do. In “Babygirl,” our protagonist’s desires are subtly hinted at from the beginning. She represents the “good girl” exploring the “bad thing.” The taboo nature of the situation—a potent motivator in numerous sexual fantasies—is clearly present here.

It’s crucial to remember that in any ethical BDSM practice, discussions about boundaries, triggers, and safe words are essential before activities begin. However, what makes “Babygirl” unique is its exploration of characters who aren’t seasoned practitioners of power dynamics, as the concept of a safe word isn’t introduced until halfway through the story. Unlike his portrayal in the promotional material that suggested confidence and control, Dickinson’s character in this film stumbles when given control by Kidman.

Instead of entering the hotel room dressed as a dominant figure in formal attire, carrying a case filled with paddles and Wartenberg wheels, he appears casually in a hoodie, holding a plastic bag. Upon seeing Romy, he says, “Ah, you’ve arrived.

In response, Romy assumes control by reminding him of her leadership position and age, which is essentially a strategic step to conceal the exposed nature of expressing her true desires, thereby maintaining a facade of strength instead of revealing her vulnerabilities.

In this context, it seems that “Babygirl” comprehends a widely recognized dynamic: many capable, dominant individuals (both women and men) crave moments of mental release, choosing to yield completely to the appropriate Dominant. Additionally, it underscores a frequent constraint – that masterful dominance necessitates not just physical prowess but also a significant amount of emotional intelligence.

The movie skillfully conveys the impact of such a powerful scene without overemphasizing the visual elements. Romy’s deep, raw, and intense moan at the peak of the sequence speaks volumes. This is a fresh, life-altering experience, as evidenced by her crying out. There’s a moment that feels like comfort or care (although the characters might not have the words for it), but Dickinson cradles Kidman as she cries, offering a crucial haven of safety.

As the story unfolds and the implications of Romy and Samuel’s sexual relationship on their characters’ lives become more complex, Romy’s approach to intimacy could raise some questions. When Romy reveals her affair to her husband, she downplays the details with statements like: “I want to be ordinary,” and “I’ve tried every kind of therapy…” At first, it seemed like there might be a connection between past trauma and her interest in kink. However, it’s essential to understand that while exploring kinks can provide a way to cope with and heal from trauma, it’s incorrect to presume that only individuals who have experienced trauma are attracted to such practices.

Romy further explained: “It’s not about a safe word, a sanctuary, agreement, or the unusual… there must be risk involved. The stakes should be high.” However, she hadn’t delved into these aspects safely or within limits. It’s unclear how she could have understood that such fantasies would only find expression in an unfavorable situation.

Initially, the start of the movie might appear as an error, but it’s actually laying the groundwork for a forthcoming reward. The movie cleverly questions established societal norms. By the end of the film, it becomes evident that Romy’s harmful behavior toward her kink was the root cause of her infidelity. Despite the turmoil portrayed in “Babygirl,” Romy learns to accept and express her desires. Unlike Nora from “A Doll’s House” or Hedda Gabler, she doesn’t choose to leave her marriage or suppress her forbidden fantasies. Instead, she decides to stay and mend her relationship. In one of the movie’s final lines, she tells a threatening colleague, “If I want to be humiliated, I’ll pay someone to do it,” emphasizing her newfound acceptance and control over her desires.

Ramadei is a well-known professional in the field of sexual education, intimacy guidance, and relationship advice, who gained popularity by hosting the comedic podcast focused on feminism titled “Girls on P(orn)”.

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2024-12-25 14:32