At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: ‘I don’t know where my calling is’

At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'

As I delve deeper into the intriguing world of Andrew Garfield, I find myself captivated by his enigmatic persona and profound thoughts. His journey from sharing too much as a young star to maintaining a private life has been an interesting evolution. It’s refreshing to see someone learn from past experiences and adapt to the culture that surrounds them.


Andrew Garfield points toward an old watercolor depicting a lion and explains, ‘This is it,’ he says, as he bends down to examine a 14th-century book about the zodiac housed in a display case. He begins to recite its descriptive text aloud.

In a casual manner, he declares, “Leo, you see. I’m talking about the traits associated with my zodiac sign. ‘Passionate and arid.’ Yep, extroverted. ‘Easily angered’ – there it is. ‘Driven’ – check. Not exactly endearing qualities, if you ask me. ‘Heart, spinal issues,’ yes. ‘Cardiovascular and heart problems,’ yup; fun fact, I had meningitis at birth.

Although this description isn’t exactly spot-on, at the age of 41, he’ll accept it. In his midlife, he’s amassing various trinkets that he believes might offer guidance on how to live. He frequently references these in his conversations: snippets of poetry, quotes, movie scenes. And astrology, about which he possesses more than a casual knowledge.

And yet it’s a mere cosmic coincidence that “The Medieval Science of Astrology” is currently on display at the Getty Center, where he has chosen to meet this Saturday evening. “Oh, s—, that’s kind of dope,” he says, looking over the list of exhibitions.

He’s spent the day surfing in Malibu, and he looks and sounds the part, a slight sunburn already showing itself on his face. He apologizes if it seems like he’s just washed ashore.

He admits that his thoughts are scattered at the moment, as he watches the bustling crowd in the lobby. Preferably, before delving into the museum, he proposes taking a moment to gather themselves, saying, “It seems we could use a brief moment to regain our balance.

Today, Garfield sought solace in the ocean, finding a sense of balance after just catching one wave. Amidst wrapping up his press tour for the romantic drama “We Live in Time,” he’s been feeling quite disorganized.

In the movie, Garfield and Florence Pugh portray a youthful pair navigating their remaining months as her character learns she has terminal cancer. Given the film’s subject matter, conversations surrounding it often revolve around death and mourning. During an appearance on the “Modern Love” podcast, Garfield became emotional while reading an essay that resonated with him about everyone wanting a fair chance to build a life.

At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'

A video showcasing a particular instance elicited an overwhelming display of empathy towards Garfield, who has been candid about the profound impact of his mother’s death from pancreatic cancer in 2019. Interestingly, this openness about strong emotions resonates with a contemporary cultural shift that values vulnerability as a source of strength rather than weakness. For instance, Adam Brody’s character in “Nobody Wants This” is less guarded in expressing affection than trying to be aloof. Similarly, participants on “The Golden Bachelorette,” despite being Baby Boomers, are finding it easier to articulate their feelings at the age of 70. Lastly, during the presidential election campaign, Douglas Emhoff’s supportive role alongside a powerful woman has been so influential that Andy Samberg based his Emhoff spoof on “Saturday Night Live” around the concept of “wife guy” empathy.

Garfield doesn’t know how to do it any other way.

He states, “If not, why bother? I might as well just stay here and keep doing all the cautious things.” Essentially, he’s saying, “Sure, it was wonderful collaborating with Florence, and I admire director John Crowley. But I want to provide something authentic and exposed. To be clear, I don’t intend to sound pretentious in any way, but our society is facing a crisis right now. There seems to be an outbreak of meaninglessness that is increasingly evident in our culture. I don’t wish to contribute to the noise of insensitivity and mindless adherence to capitalism.

At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'

As a cinema enthusiast, I find that Andy Garfield’s performances are rich and deeply thought-provoking, often delving into profound themes such as the exploration of consciousness, connection, universality, joy, and surrender. Some might say he’s not one to tread lightly in his roles, as he seems to immerse himself fully in each character, much like a deep sea diver who thrives in the depths rather than shallow waters. (Crowley aptly put it, “I don’t think he would survive in shallow waters very happily for very long.”)

At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'

Occasionally, his conversation veers towards the casual, laid-back style of a Los Angeles surfer, sharing stories about the advantages of ayahuasca. “I don’t wish to be that individual discussing plant medicine experiences in the L.A. Times,” he remarks, yet he soon finds himself recounting a plant medicine experience to the very same L.A. Times. (His vision was reminiscent of an Australian Aboriginal dot painting, which he took as a symbolic representation of our unity: “At this moment, there’s no division between you and me, because we’re connected by the air molecules.”)

Personally, I find Garfield’s approach to astrology less about evangelizing and more about exploring – perhaps this is due to his earnestness and British charm. To him, astrology, a subject he’s been intrigued by for many years, serves as both an entertaining pastime and a profound guide, helping him navigate the path to self-discovery rather than providing religious dogma.

Before encountering him, I had noticed he often discussed his birth chart in interviews. In preparation for our meeting and considering the museum exhibition could catch his attention, I decided to investigate my own astrological chart. The printed version I carried to the Getty Museum was filled with terms like houses, nodes, and aspect patterns that were foreign to me. However, Garfield swiftly understood the language and explained the meanings.

He notes that your sun sign is Aquarius, while your ascendant leans towards a more home-centric demeanor, Taurus-like. You have a fondness for aesthetically pleasing items, such as objects, clothing, and textures, he explains with an air of expertise, reminiscent of a psychic on La Cienega Boulevard with a flashing neon sign and a chunk of amethyst. “Your moon is in Cancer,” he continues, “and that’s quite something. Cancer individuals are extremely emotional, sensitive, and compassionate. They tend to be very empathic and prone to tears. Does this sound like you?

At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'
At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'
At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'
At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'

“That makes two of us,” I say, referring to our apparent shared access to tears.

He mentions that one place where he finds meaning and seems to fulfill a unique role among his male friends is by providing a safe space for them to express feelings they were taught to suppress.

Garfield and I are primarily here to discuss his latest movie. To explore where “We Live in Time” fits within his impressive and varied career, he’s worked with Martin Scorsese (“Silence”), been nominated for two Oscars (“Hacksaw Ridge” and “Tick, Tick … Boom!”) and headed a major superhero franchise (“The Amazing Spider-Man”). However, his work, despite not being insignificant, appears to take a backseat currently to the pursuit of deeper meaning.

About three weeks back, he made an appearance on “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.” During one of the ad breaks, Garfield and the talk-show host engaged in a friendly chat.

“I don’t really know what this is all about anymore, Steve,” he told Colbert.

“What do you mean?” the host asked.

After the loss of my mother, much of my drive seems to have diminished. I find myself content with the work I’ve accomplished so far, but I’m uncertain about my purpose or where I should direct my efforts towards service.

Colbert responded with a nod, “Indeed, it seems we’ve reached a juncture. Perhaps this phase of life offers us an opportunity to focus more on guidance and nurturing, helping and assisting others.

The concept resonates positively with Garfield, though he emphasizes it’s not solely selfless. Instead, the act of bonding and offering something of himself brings an indescribable sense of pleasure to him.

He’s also feeling drained, yet this isn’t just physical weariness. Given his daily physical activities like biking, tennis, surfing, swimming, and hiking at 41 years old, one might assume it’s bodily fatigue. However, it seems more about his spirit: “I no longer have the zest to dance for Grandma as I once did. There’s a sense of liberation in that exhaustion. It dawns on me that life isn’t eternal, so what truly matters is how I choose to spend my time?

More recently, he adopted a zen perspective. Growing up, he excelled as an athlete, starting with gymnastics and then moving to swimming. His father served as his swim coach, ingraining in him a strong work ethic that valued achievement over contentment. This mindset persisted in Garfield throughout his 20s, until the pressure became unbearable and he experienced debilitating anxiety. He struggled with self-hatred, and developed eczema on his face. He felt as if he had an unwanted entity within him.

In the year 2007, when Crowley initially worked with Garfield on “Boy A,” he remembers that the actor, who was just 23 years old at the time, exhibited a great deal of apprehension.

The filmmaker notes that much of his fear was, in essence, a blend of excitement and apprehension about his future. This encompassed the allure of an exciting career and the anxiety about the reality of it coming to pass. He adds that this sentiment indeed took flight, but now, at 40, he seems to be grappling with the weight of his age.

In the past, Garfield recalls, he wouldn’t have considered a film like “We Live in Time”. He deliberately declined multiple romantic roles to avoid being stereotyped. Now, he feels he has more freedom to take on projects like that. He expresses a sense of fulfillment – and exhaustion. He feels secure in a way, as if he’s proven himself and established his identity.

At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'
At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'

Besides being confident in expressing his ideas, actor Andrew Garfield, who worked on the screenplay for “We Live in Time,” proposed numerous suggestions to the script that were gratefully accepted by Nick Payne. For example, it was Garfield’s idea to incorporate a scene where his character tastes his love interest’s food for the first time, as she is a chef. According to Payne, Garfield believed this moment could signify one of the instances where he falls in love with her. Furthermore, Garfield ensured that no crucial moments were omitted from the script to fully portray his character’s complexities. In summary, Andrew Garfield demonstrated an intense devotion and passion for his craft during the creative process.

In his personal life, Garfield admitted during a “Modern Love” podcast that he feels unsettled, as he grapples with the impermanence of relationships and the loss of loved ones. He confessed, “I’m sad – about losing anyone or anything, about the fleeting nature of certain relationships in my life, the death of my mother, the possibility of my father passing away, not being there when my nephews grow older, the idea that I may never have children of my own.

As he strolls towards the Getty’s tram going downhill, he characterizes his emotion as “a profound sense of sorrow that he truly deserves.” His mother’s demise made him ponder on his own mortality, leading him to contemplate aspects beyond Hollywood. Although his longings for love or starting a family are hinted at subtly, the yearning for these things seems quite tangible.

I’d like to know what his current thoughts are on the idea that he’d be the first among his friends to get married and have children, since he had expressed this belief earlier.

To be honest, it could just be the sea speaking, but at this moment, I sense and understand its enigma as something beyond our control,” he expresses.

Really? He’s gotten to a place of that much surrender?

He firmly states, ‘I’m speaking honestly,’ emphasizing that he’s expressing himself on a day when the ocean is dominant in his thoughts. He explains that if something isn’t meant to occur at a particular moment, it simply won’t.

“I see myself as a bird with two wings. One represents me, the other symbolizes something greater like God, spirit, or the universe. Naturally, I’ll flap my wing to move toward my goals, while understanding that the other wing has its own path to follow. I won’t fight against where I am now.

In a seemingly intuitive manner, he reassures me, “I’m openly offering this perspective for our discussion.

Well, don’t bulls— me.

At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'

I’m not pretending or putting on a facade, what I express is genuine and sincere. However, I must admit, I have my imperfections. There are moments when fear and uncertainty creep in as I strive to fulfill my aspirations in life. I aim to avoid giving the impression that I’m some carefree, laid-back person gliding through existence like a hippie.

It appears we’re skirting the borders of something significant. We’re aboard a streetcar at the moment, and there’s an eerie melody playing that almost overwhelms our discussion. Garfield gazes out over the 405 highway, where a serpentine procession of vehicles winds along the road.

He finds this quite fascinating,” he remarks, clearly delighted by the diversion. “The sight of numerous red traffic lights on the freeway intrigues me. It seems oddly captivating to me. However, when I’m driving there personally, it’s a different story.

“But yeah,” he picks up again, “You can’t force yourself into — I don’t know. I don’t know.”

During our visit to the Getty, he frequently took the discussion off-limits, doing so at least six times throughout our conversation. Despite being quite open emotionally, Garfield has consistently set clear boundaries regarding his personal life. He values privacy greatly and carefully guards any information about his off-screen life that could potentially reveal his whereabouts. It was intriguing to learn that he chose the museum for the interview. When asked about his LA residence, he explained, “I prefer to keep my more frequented places private.” Inquiring about his beachside home for surfing, he responded, “I can’t disclose my residence.” Upon further probing, when asked if he has a place in this city, he stated, “You’re not allowed to know.

At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'

He’s never rude, but he is unwavering in his stance. “I’ve learned my lesson in that regard,” he says. “When I was younger, I was much more liberal with what I shared, and it wasn’t healthy for me because it wasn’t welcome in the culture.”

In other instances, Garfield hasn’t been the one setting the pace with his partners. Recently, there have been photos circulating where Garfield is seen holding hands with Dr. Kate Tomas, who claims to be a professional witch. Her occupation has sparked curiosity among fans and the media, leading to an article about her in The Sunday Times in July. Although she didn’t mention Garfield explicitly, she dismissed rumors of using spells to charm him and expressed her struggle with being under the limelight: “I don’t want to hide under someone else’s shadow.

In early October, Tomas took to Instagram to note she and Garfield had been broken up for months.

Garfield simply doesn’t want to discuss others when asked about these public statements,” is a simple and clear paraphrase of the original statement.

His eyes shift back to the highway, a sight that stirs up unease within him. Instead, it’s the tranquility of nature that calms him—from being swept by towering waves on the beach, to strolling beneath the towering redwoods. He jokes about our responsibility to protect and nurture our planet, commenting on its exploitation with a touch of irony. Uncertain if he possesses the skills, he’s intrigued by the idea of cultivating crops or raising livestock—to emulate David Beckham, contentedly managing his beehives and organic farm in picturesque England.

As a cinephile, I find myself deeply yearning for a connection with nature and the timelessness it embodies. It’s not just about the heat, but there’s a raw, appealing charm to this man living off the grid. He’s got his hands in the earth, tending to his farm, and that’s undeniably attractive.

At 41, Andrew Garfield is questioning everything: 'I don't know where my calling is'

As a devoted fan, when Garfield talks about joy, it stirs up nostalgic images of innocent domestic happiness within me: the magic of Disneyland trips with my loved ones, the thrill of basketball games, the charm of winter sledding, and the comforting aroma of my mother’s cooking. The urge to recreate this idyllic world for myself is almost tangible, though he may not vocalize it directly. He acknowledges that grasping what we truly yearn for comes with trepidation, fear, and the possibility of heartache, yet his words seem to echo the sentiments of many.

As a movie enthusiast, if his aspiration seems out of reach – for the time being, I’d say Garfield is yearning for some form of acknowledgment. He’s longing for a brief respite from his quest, a moment to pause, and find peace with where he currently stands.

Occasionally, after persistently hitting your head against a tough problem for some time, you may feel completely drained and eventually give in, muttering something like, “I suppose I must yield now.” It’s rarely a graceful surrender. However, when you decide to stop struggling, there’s a sense of relief, and then clarity follows. And that’s true rejuvenation.

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2024-10-17 13:33

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