Salem’s Lot review: More laughs than shrieks in this vapid vampire flick

As someone who’s spent a considerable amount of time navigating the vast and intricate world of entertainment, I must say that this week’s cinematic offerings have been quite a ride!

Verdict: Too silly to be scary

As October arrives, so does the predictable trickle-trickle-trickle of spine-chilling movies, satisfying the ever-growing appetite of the monstrous Halloween market.

Among the two movies releasing this week, Salem’s Lot boasts a more distinguished background. It’s based on Stephen King’s 1975 novel of the same name where a New England town is plagued by vampires, and it originally aired as a TV mini-series in 1979. At that time, David Soul was famous for driving a Ford Galaxie 500 in Starsky & Hutch, rather than for his role as a vampire slayer with stakes through the hearts of bloodthirsty monsters.

In this iteration, the character Ben Mears, who is commonly a writer in Stephen King’s tales, is portrayed by Lewis Pullman. This time around, he returns to his hometown, Jerusalem’s Lot, after being compelled to depart at the age of nine due to the demise of his parents in a car accident. He aims to reestablish connections with his roots.

During the 1970s, particularly known as the era of Starsky & Hutch, Ben and the town’s most attractive young lady, Susan (Makenzie Leigh), become a couple. However, their relationship hardly had a chance to enjoy some innocent moments before things take a more questionable turn.

If the town sheriff possessed any courage, he would suspect Mr. Straker, the new antique shop owner (portrayed by James Mason on television and here by Pilou Asbaek), who appears to be a sinister character, as the culprit behind the enigmatic deaths of two young boys and their transformation into vampires. However, the sheriff is not up to the task, regrettably.

As a dedicated follower, it falls upon me, Susan, compassionate teacher Matthew Burke (Bill Camp), and spirited 11-year-old schoolboy Mark Petrie (Jordan Preston Carter) to uncover the malevolent intentions of Mr. Straker and his wicked master, Mr. Barlow (Alexander Ward). Their sinister scheme aims to transform our town into a vampire stronghold.

In this movie, they enthusiastically attempt to pull off something increasingly dramatic and absurd. During the premiere where I watched it, there was significantly more laughter than screams, yet it appeared that everyone found it entertaining.

Verdict: Deeply unpleasant

Wondering who might find Terrifier 3 enjoyable, as it’s not typically suited for those with delicate sensibilities, much like how a dish made from tripe wouldn’t be appealing to someone who follows a vegan diet.

In a new twist, actor David Howard Thornton once more portrays Art the Clown as a disturbed mimic of Marcel Marceau, while Samantha Scaffidi’s character, Victoria Heyes, who was previously Art’s disfigured victim, now assumes a psychotic role alongside him.

The levels of depravity and gore in Damien Leone’s film (a pleasing detail, him being called Damien) will challenge all but the most committed of slasher-horror enthusiasts. You have been warned. Alas, I wasn’t.

At Christmas instead of Halloween, this time around, the violent incident occurs where Art, acting like any other disturbed individual, gruesomely obtains his Santa suit by subjecting an overweight elderly grandfather, who usually wore it, to inhumane torture before murdering him. He then uses a canister of liquid nitrogen to transform a carrot into a deadly weapon. Indeed, this is an old but effective method.

However, what you see later is not just the gruesome end; the horror begins even before the film starts. In his Santa costume, Art has already committed a series of brutal murders within a family’s home. These gruesome murder scenes are so relentlessly explicit and shocking that they overshadow the storyline, making it seem as though the plot is merely a means to fill time until the next horrifying spectacle unfolds.

In a twisted tale I’d like to share, I find myself reflecting on Sienna Shaw (Lauren LaVera), the resilient survivor from this year’s Terrifier 2. Despite successfully decapitating her nightmarish adversary in their previous encounter, she finds herself once more standing toe-to-toe with this demonic tormentor.

Verdict: Slick animation

On Monday afternoon, I watched a pair of movies – Terrifier 3 and Transformers One. If we were talking about a group of film critics evaluating these films, it would be like a convincing home victory in a Saturday football match.

Over a span of nearly four hours, I was challenged to my limits, albeit not to the same extent as the robots on Cybertron, whose strength was tested when they relentlessly fought, striking, shocking, and demolishing each other mercilessly.

Transformers One is a dynamic, high-spirited animated film, skillfully directed by Josh Cooley, who has previously co-written Inside Out (2015) and directed Toy Story 4 (2019). This directorial background alone speaks volumes, and he effectively utilizes his talent to spin a compelling origin tale. Without a doubt, this movie is remarkably loud.

We learn how Orion Pax (voiced by Chris Hemsworth), a humble miner, turns into the mighty Optimus Prime, and how his former buddy D-16 (Brian Tyree Henry) ends up as his sworn enemy, Megatron.

Featuring metallic characters like D-16 and B-127, it might seem that a squirt of WD-40 would help smooth things over. However, there’s plenty of heated conflicts instead, with a star-studded voice cast that includes Scarlett Johansson, Keegan-Michael Key, Steve Buscemi, Laurence Fishburne, and Jon Hamm.

All films in cinemas now.

Life of a legend from The Graduate to Graceland

In the lyrics of Paul Simon, many are acquainted with his preference for being a sparrow over a snail, or a hammer over a nail. Director Alex Gibney mirrors this style in his documentary titled “In Restless Dreams: The Music Of Paul Simon.” Originally planned as a two-part production, it ultimately unfolds as one extended film, totaling an impressive three and a half hours (and more), offering the most satisfying viewing experience when interspersed with what Americans refer to as brief breaks for comfort.

Contrarily, there is a wealth of tale to share about one of the most remarkable singer-songwriters ever, and Gibney does an excellent job in narrating it, maybe delving a bit too deeply into Simon’s current passion for singing and composing (he celebrates his 83rd birthday this weekend and has largely lost hearing in one ear). Yet, he also spends ample time, utilizing archival material skillfully, to depict the remarkable life and career of this great man.

Everything is in place: friendships, matrimonies, musical inspirations; encountering ‘Artie’ Garfunkel at the age of eleven; creating the soundtrack for The Graduate, marrying Carrie Fisher; producing the extraordinary Graceland album.

Scattered throughout are fascinating tidbits of truth, some of which I was previously aware, such as the original intended character of Mrs Robinson in his iconic song being Mrs Roosevelt, and others that were new to me.

Initially, the group known as ‘Simon and Garfunkel’ was proposed to be called ‘The Ryecatchers’. This was a suggested name for the duo that eventually gained eternal fame, though it was bold and somewhat risky due to its apparent Jewish connotation at the time.

In cinemas on Sunday for one night only, available to stream and buy on Blu-ray from October 28.

Alice Lowe’s “Timestalker” (15, 90 minutes, ***) is a comedy that sometimes hits the mark, drawing humor from the social norms and values of different eras, similar to the style of Blackadder. It elicits laughter by exploiting the customs and ethics of past centuries.

In this story, the character played by Lowe seems to be a heartbroken woman who appears to have been reborn across different time periods, from 1688, through 1793 and the Victorian era, to 1980.

The humor can be quite weak at times, with jokes like “Au revoir” and “I didn’t know you spoke German,” but there are moments when it is delightfully absurd.

Timestalker is in select cinemas. In Restless Dreams is in cinemas on Sunday for one night only, then streaming from October 28.

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2024-10-11 00:46